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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

404 replies

Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:00

DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Janus · 24/09/2017 16:20

Ok OP, absolutely he can walk! I'm sure it will be fine and that will enjoy his game.

Lelloteddy · 24/09/2017 16:58

I can't get past the number of posters who can't contemplate taking two small kids a quick run down the road because of all the wrangling required and distress it will cause them. Whatever happened to 'In the car now kids- your brother has footie practice' ?

RebelRogue · 24/09/2017 17:04

@Lelloteddy why not " Football starts in 20 mins, byeee have fun" ?

JigglyTuff · 24/09/2017 17:14

Whatever happened to 'Have you got your kit? Have a great time'

It's not 'kind' to take your car out on short journeys to take a 13 year old to a sporting activity. It's lazy, it's terrible for the planet and it's infantilising. Most 13 year olds would be utterly mortified that mummy had to drive them half a mile because they were too scared to walk half a mile on their own

pizzaparty11 · 24/09/2017 17:43

In a few weeks it will be pitch dark, I wouldn't let a 13yo dc walk alone round the streets in the dark.I think your reasons for not taking him are spurious

IncyWincyGrownUp · 24/09/2017 17:43

midsumma I'm a single parent, can't drive, have two autistic children as well as an NT one, and have weekend access to wrangle.

I think they'll thank me for not complicating life with weekend sport stuff that makes everything harder for everyone to be honest.

Orchestra, swimming, fitness club, and ethics club all take place on school nights and are easier to sort and on the part of the 14 year old's activities they're doable solo (because she's not a lazy bum who refuses to walk a mile and a half). I promise you they're not missing out.

The unexpected but incredibly welcome bonus is that I don't have to watch football. Win!:o

Lelloteddy · 24/09/2017 17:58

Rebelrouge, nothing wrong with that either. What can't quite work out though is the point at which a fragile, temperamental 4 or 7 year old, who can't possibly be expected to sit in a car for twenty minutes or have a slightly later dinner, suddenly turns in to a self sufficient 13 year old? Do you magically flip a switch and if so at what age does it have to be done?

OP perhaps your DHs parenting and his apparent inability to raise kids who can't function without being handled with kid gloves needs looking at? He seems to be the common denominator here.

Shemozzle · 24/09/2017 18:02

I would take him the first time and if it was raining but he can take himself after that. My 10 year old walks a mile home from school on the day that she has after school clubs because I don't want to drag the smaller ones out on two school pick ups. 13 is more than old enough to walk half a mile.

LightDrizzle · 24/09/2017 18:23

YANBU!
My DD1 was regularly walking that distance to school and friends houses from 12. She also learned how to read a timetable and catch a bus.
He's on his way to footy ffs! It's s perfect warm-up. It will do him good physically and also it won't do him any harm to be more independent. I do think the stepson thing is a red herring here. My own DC would get a kick up the arse with that attitude.

Inertia · 24/09/2017 18:31

I think most children make a significant jump in self-sufficiency when they move from primary school to high school Lelloteddy. Of course it's gradual in general, but the start of high school brings about an enforced level of independence for most children. A 13 year old will have had 2 years of getting himself around , to and from school- a half mile walk to a football club he already attends with children he already knows isn't a stretch too far for a NT teenager.

A 4yo is obviously not going to come to any harm by having dinner and bedtime 2 hours later than normal, but it seems a bit unnecessary here.

LightDrizzle · 24/09/2017 18:32

Just adding that I willingly drove DD1 to and from orchestra, violin lessons and friends houses that weren't within reasonable walk or bus times, but she wasn't cocooned from any effort arising from her choices. As others have said, university must come as a hell of a shock for some 18 year olds.

Lweji · 24/09/2017 20:06

In a few weeks it will be pitch dark, I wouldn't let a 13yo dc walk alone round the streets in the dark.

Never heard of street lights?

balsamicbarbara · 24/09/2017 20:09

If a 13 year old lad can play football for an hour he can walk for ten minutes. It's ridiculous this is even under question.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 24/09/2017 20:11

The only reason he's getting stroppy about wanting a lift is because he thinks it's an option. He's more than capable of walking (both ways), he's just being lazy and in true teenager fashion is doing a Kevin impression to try and get what he wants. His dad got him onto the training and if he'd just said "You've got football training on a Friday so you can walk down after you've been picked up." it probably wouldn't have been an issue at all.

pizzaparty11 · 24/09/2017 21:15

Never heard of street lights?
Depends on the route.Although, round here people would not dream of letting their 13 year old walk a mile alone in the dark, but it is a rural area so not so many people about, not many street lights or pavements .
Another thing, what time does he get in from school? Is he going to have time to eat before he has to set off for footballoes out to play football?
I don't know? You drive your own kids about but seem to resent driving your DSS a few minutes.

pizzaparty11 · 24/09/2017 21:20

why doesn't your ds have to walk home from afterschool club? why is it ok to get the car out for him?

RebelRogue · 24/09/2017 21:32

@pizzaparty11 because she's already in the car after picking up DSS from the bus station. Pick up for which she has to leave work early for.

steppemum · 24/09/2017 21:38

ds is now 14. His football meets about 1 mile away. He cycles. No question that I would drive him. He did it last 2 years.

Maybe take him first time, maybe he walks and dh picks him up, but no need for you to take him every week.

LongWavyHair · 24/09/2017 21:42

pizzaparty her DS is 7.
There is a big difference between a 7 year old and a 13 year old. Of course it's understandable she doesn't want her 7 year old child walking home on his own.

pizzaparty11 · 24/09/2017 22:14

I didn't say walking on his own, did I? Have some common sense- I meant walking with her rather than being driven about!

Original poster
Blankscreen · 24/09/2017 22:28

Because I am in my car coming home from work which I leave early to get DSS from the bus stop at 4ish and then drive to ds' school collect him at 4:20 and then drive home for 4:30 ish.

It's not a remote route. A busy road hence the traffic problems and there are shops and things he will pass on the .6 mile route.

OP posts:
steppemum · 24/09/2017 22:38

See it a sa small push towards being more independent. maybe add in a little responsibility/reward for being more grown up/older too.

LongWavyHair · 25/09/2017 01:39

Well now you have your answer pizza ^^

FlowerPot1234 · 25/09/2017 11:07

Been away from this thread for a few days, come back and.. omg.

Lelloteddy
I can't get past the number of posters who can't contemplate taking two small kids a quick run down the road... Whatever happened to 'In the car now kids- your brother has footie practice' ?

I can't get past the number of posters who think a parent/step parent of a 13 year old should drive a fit teenage boy less than one mile to football practice. Enough legs for running round a pitch for a few hours, not fit enough to walk less than a mile. Whatever happened to "Got all your kit? Got lights on your bike? Have a good time, see you later."

I just can't believe what I'm reading. It's like a Generation Snowflake creation machine.

steppemum · 25/09/2017 21:27

FlowerPot - I think I love you!

It's like a Generation Snowflake creation machine.
Grin Grin