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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

404 replies

Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:00

DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.

Aibu?

OP posts:
clarrylove · 24/09/2017 07:54

YABU. Quick meal at 5pm or it could be something you/your mum has prepared in advance (slow cooker meal?) and you should be able to leave at 5.20pm. The alternative is asking your mum to stay at yours while you run him down, or ask if she can drop him off when she leaves your house. In time, he might be able to get a lift with others or walk with them.

LynetteScavo · 24/09/2017 07:56

If it's too much for you don't do it.

I would do it, especially in winter

I found my diary from a few years ago (my 3 DC are almost the same age gap as yours) and I used to drive around like a crazy thing dropping off and picking up. I limited the to three activities each, as I work until 4pm everyday.

I really wanted my DC to do the activities though.

Can you compromise and collect him if he walks there?

clarrylove · 24/09/2017 07:58

Ah, now you say it is much shorter and only 14 min walk. Of course that is not too far providing the route is safe, bearing in mind it will be dark.

MadMags · 24/09/2017 08:04

OP, I can't be bothered to read yet another thread like this one.

Suffice to say, if this was your son nobody would think YWBU.

But he's a step and therefore you will never be reasonable again.

Original poster
Blankscreen · 24/09/2017 08:10

I'm pretty sure I said previously it was about 15 minutes.along roads, past shops it's not in anyway remote.

No I'm not going to ask my mum to hang around for over an hour or start preparing meals at my house. She does enough to help out and tbh I'd feel like we were taking the piss. I don't think she would even if I asked her.

I've said I'll pick him at 6:45 so that is the issue toing and froing all evening.

Dh has apologised told DSS if he wants to go he can walk there. If the rain is so bad he can't walk there there is no way he'll play football for an hour in the same rain.

It basically comes down to who should inconvenienced more. Me and a 4 and 7 year old or a 13 year old.

As pp have said because I'm the wicked step mother it obviously has to be me! Some of the suggestions are ridiculous - inconveniencing everyone including my nearly 70 year old mother just because DSS can't walk less than a mile.

I feel confident that inbu.

OP posts:
SecondaryQuandary · 24/09/2017 08:11

The only thing that would bother me about him walking is the dark. My 13 yo DS regularly meets his friends and travels solo to them. Plus gets train to school etc.

But not in the dark.

SecondaryQuandary · 24/09/2017 08:12

Oh and if he won't play footy in the rain then I don't know why anyone is bothering!!! He's not a proper footballer!!!!

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 24/09/2017 08:21

I have 2 dcs in various clubs and quite often I'm tooing and froing out of the house. Doesn't bother me, I love having a busy house. Do you feel you'll ever allow your children to do evening activities, or will you not bother because you cba?

scaryteacher · 24/09/2017 08:25

I used to walk back from hockey and netball practice in the dark after school in the late 70s/early 80s. I also walked to school and back every day, and having just googled, it was about the same distance the OPs dss is expected to walk. It's not that far.

SecondaryQuandary · 24/09/2017 08:28

I used to be out on my bike all day in the 70s but things have changed......

Original poster
Blankscreen · 24/09/2017 08:30

I suspect I will allow evening activities when DD is a bit older and we can all eat together a bit later.

When DS is 13 DD will be 10.

OP posts:
ElizabethShaw · 24/09/2017 08:31

Its irrelevant that he's a stepchild. I have 3 bio children and the oldest doesn't get to do clubs at inconvenient times.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 24/09/2017 08:32

I know I shouldn't be but I'm always shocked how much people view driving as the default. This wouldn't even be a debate to me, and wouldn't be anything to do with whether it is awkward or not. Anything less than a mile or two you walk or cycle. And that goes for adults and children alike.

Veterinari · 24/09/2017 08:34

It's a 15 minute walk fgs! Hardly a hike to the pole - he could jog it as a warm up to football training or cycle it in about 5 minutes.

Why on earth does he need to be ferried back and forth in a car?

I find it weird that we have increasing rates of childhood obesity and kids with ever-increasingly packed schedules of 'activity' but it seems that normal daily activity (walking,cycling etc) is almost entirely absent.

maxthemartian · 24/09/2017 08:38

No wonder there's always such bad traffic congestion if it's considered outrageous for a teenager to walk for a mile.

allegretto · 24/09/2017 08:43

No wonder there's always such bad traffic congestion if it's considered outrageous for a teenager to walk for a mile.
Exactly. Even if I were accompanying him I would do it on foot. I can't believe people would get the car out for such a short journey.

JigglyTuff · 24/09/2017 08:43

If the traffic is that bad, I'd imagine it's probably quicker to walk. It certainly can be here

midsummabreak · 24/09/2017 08:44

It is a pain for you but you would be wise to change your Friday schedule to allowing them a snack 'on the road' and actually supporting your older son in his new football adventures. You will reap the rewards for many years to come. If you can support him to play football, im sure he will remember this in future years when he looks back. He is less likely to become a moody anxious teen if he has outside school activities where he gets to channel his energy and frustrations. And you can all have a late dinner- why not get your partner to cook on Friday nights

midsummabreak · 24/09/2017 08:47

Sorry, missed that it is a 15 min walk. I woul walk together with all your children. Take drinks, snack and a ball for the younger children too

NetRunner · 24/09/2017 08:49

Not RTFT but if DSS was your son and wanted to do football, would you deny him the opportunity or make him walk there to accommodate his younger brother and sister? Or would you decide that at 13, it's reasonable to want to do an activity and that the rest of the family must be juggled around a bit to let him go? As another poster pointed out, if your own DS wants to go to football at 13, will you expect him to walk? A 4 year old can cope with being hungry for a bit longer, imo. Your DP was v disrespectful to not discuss this with you before signing him up but it's done now. I would suggest that it's reasonable for him to walk down as long as he's the type of lad who would feel confident doing so and it's safe for him. As winter draws in and it is starting to get dark by 5.30, I can see why he might not want to walk - especially if everyone else gets a lift from a parent. I would say that whilst it is light, he can walk down but you will collect him afterwards and if the weather is horrible, you'll take him down and fit your other children around him on these occasions. He didn't ask for this situation.

Original poster
Blankscreen · 24/09/2017 08:56

Ok so now I'll drag a four year old and seven year 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back walking. It in reality it will be more like 25 minutes there and 25 minutes back with my DD.
Yep that's fair really good idea. Why should we all walk it when he can go on his own? I don't get it?

OP posts:
paq · 24/09/2017 08:57

I find it weird that we have increasing rates of childhood obesity and kids with ever-increasingly packed schedules of 'activity' but it seems that normal daily activity (walking,cycling etc) is almost entirely absent.

Agree with this 100%. All this unnecessary lift giving dressed up as kindness is overindulgent and ultimately unhelpful to producing independent, motivated young people. If it was a fifteen minute walk to collect £1000 I bet the boy wouldn't hesitate.

19lottie82 · 24/09/2017 08:58

OP - AIBU?
Posters - Yes
OP - But I'm not, I'm not!

Sigh........

retreatwhispering · 24/09/2017 09:00

Ok so now I'll drag a four year old and seven year 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back walking. It in reality it will be more like 25 minutes there and 25 minutes back with my DD.

OP I agree. He's 13, not a baby! Goodness me.

Original poster
Blankscreen · 24/09/2017 09:02

I should add its down hill there and uphill the whole way back......

OP posts: