To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

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DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.

Aibu?

@19lottie82 there's lots of posters who have said she is not BU.

OP's own DH has now said she is not BU.

It's actually been about 50/50 ish so I feel comfortable that I'm not being unreasonable.
Different t people different views.
However some of the suggestions are ridiculous- anything to avoid a 13 year old walking .6 of a mile.

OP - AIBU?
Posters - Yes
OP - But I'm not, I'm not!

Sigh........

You spelled 'no' wrong.

Obviously YANBU OP, tempting as it must be to do your bit for the obesity crisis by giving the younger kids a weekly Maccy D's so the eldest doesn't have to walk for 15 minutes. Good compromise to collect him though as he probably will be knackered then.

Surely it's uphill both ways OP? And screaming blizzards all year round.

19Lottie82

I'm one of the many posters who thinks the OP is not bring unreasonable. I don't understand your thinking behind your post.

He could cycle this in 5 minutes. He is 13. He does not need a lift unless it is raining. Does he walk to school generally?

It's a bit of a busy road and junction level crossing etc so we think he'd be safer walking on the pavement than amongst the cars on his bike.

I will.come back next Friday to update as to whether he bothered walking there or not.

Maybe he's anxious about walking somewhere that he's not familiar with and where he doesn't know anybody. I can understand that.

I think you should take him for the first few sessions until he's comfortable with the place and the other kids and then tell him he needs to walk.

Agreed he doesn't NEED a lift, we all ( especially teenagers) sometimes need a bit of help and encouragement or a leg up in life. As I said upthread just do it once or twice while he settles into it. I think everyone doing it on foot ( with a pushchair for the 3 year old) is a great idea. Why not stay and watch your 7 year old might like to see the big boys play and there are usually other little ones at these things. I think it's mean tbh to say "I have signed you up to this activity, which will take place in the cold and dark, but I am not prepared to enable you to do it". As others have said it is doomed.

So now it's up to him that be bothered. How do you think teens learn self discipline OP ? My dcs have thanked me for helping them stick at something which was sometimes difficult. Why won't you help and encourage this young teenager ??

I do agree with Anna above

In general YANBU however it will probably be daunting the first time to arrive on his own and not know anyone

is your dh big 3? Management consulting is difficult hours but they are also all about talking about flexible working and balance and understanding employees priorities. Especially if your dh is senior he should set an example and once a month leave at 5 on a Friday and get home to pick dss up. Just like many women in management consulting have to do regularly. I understand the pressure , I try to do the pick up as little as possible because it's so hard to leave at 5, but once a month on a Friday is absolutely doable. He can do some work later in the evening, not ideal but that's what parents do.

Still: The OP did not sign him up to do it. His dad - who isn't around to do any of the schlepping - did.

I've always wondered who all the idiots were who drove their precious darlings half a mile to school because 'it's nicer' and it's 'kinder' were.
They're all on this thread

YANBU
.6 of a mile is nothing, even if you had no other children to worry about I still wouldn't drive him.

As others have said he can use it as a warm up walk for the training. And once he has been to a couple of sessions he will probably pal up with others that are doing the same walk.

Bonkers to even think about changing meal times etc to save a teenager a half mile walk. Wouldn't even occur to me but the 13yr old in my house wouldn't even ask me.

I know that jiggly, but do you think the 13 year old gets that nuance ? All he knows is he arrives at the house and is told "get out into the dark and cold and take yourself to an activity where you know no one or you are lazy"

If OP was his mother it would be all " make the lazy little bugger walk! Mine walk 20 miles through blizzards and sporadic gunfire!".

But as a stepmother she's an evil cow for not carrying him around on a litter and hand feeding him peeled grapes.

Agree with Anna. Drive him the first few times until he gets to know other guys. Then be more comfortable walking in. Dh should have discussed it but too late now and not dss fault.
Its a vunerable age and its good for him to be busy and have a hobby when comes to ye. Just do it for goodness sake. Its not miles and he needs to be treated as your own. By 13 you will be driving them all over the place.

Oh my kids are particularly independent, got public buses alone from aged 9, take themselves to the GPs ( across London) from 12. The difference is familiarity. Who sends their 11 year old off to secondary school having never done the journey before. I am sure such people exist but I don't think it's kind.

BTW my son is the same age and has a 20 minute walk to football (there at 6.30 and back at 8) and it had never occurred to me to go and get him!

Yes you should never be nice or kind to your DC or they will not be able to function as adults. If someone says special snowflake that's everything covered on this thread.

Being the step parents is relevant, this isn't his home patch, he may be feeling insecure. Yes I do not drive my 13 year old around our local area. But neither would I expect him to get himself to an unfamiliar venue all alone.

Remind me how old yours are sparking brook ?

Two DSs. 18 and 15 Still. Both played footy since they were 5.

Stillwish it is true that he might be feeling nervous. All the more reason to let him take on this very normal, safe and minimal challenge himself, surely? With the right approach (not 'sorry we can't take you' but 'we think you're ready for this') he'll have a huge sense of achievement afterwards.