Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say it is not rare for women to have it all

185 replies

Sienna333 · 21/09/2017 20:46

I know quite a few women who are beautiful, in high paying jobs, married with DC'S and living in nice houses. Why then do some people say this is unusual and rare?

OP posts:
SocksRock · 21/09/2017 22:53

That's a very shallow definition of having it all.

I am overweight, work part time and earn enough money for the nicer things for the family but nowhere near enough to pay bills, live in a house that has been half renovated and stalled for 8 years.

However I am very happy with what I do have, DH who is amazing and 3 pretty cool kids who are healthy. I think I have it all, and couldn't give one shiny shit about what the rest of society thinks.

ConciseandNice · 21/09/2017 22:57

If you feel you have it all, then you have it all surely? It's only you who can say if you have it all. I have it all. Go me!

Getout21 · 21/09/2017 23:15

Firstly I would say that while a large majority of people would be described as attractive, fit, toned, stylish etc there are not loads of truly beautiful people out there in the first place.

Secondly I worked in fashion for a long time where people lived glossy magazine lives but I still
wouldn't describe them as having it all as they either struggled balancing it all or outsourced everything & felt guilty.

I think Kate Moss leads an amazing life & has had a legendary career but she still struggles with her love life.

I thought Angeline Jolie had it all but she's had health issues & marriage probs.

Perhaps Amal Clooney if she had married George when he was 15 yrs younger.

Mammylamb · 21/09/2017 23:18

Why it it women who have to "have it all"?? Why aren't people asking the same about men?

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/09/2017 23:19

I know quite a few women who are beautiful, in high paying jobs, married with DC'S and living in nice houses. Why then do some people say this is unusual and rare?

I have it all in reverse. I am fat, pig ugly, am a teacher so not exactly high paid- I rent my house and it is often a tip.

However having recently had a health scare I do have the life that I want, it just doesn't fit your rather narrow criteria. Yes I would like to be prettier, to own my home and to have more money but it really doesn't matter.

Getout21 · 21/09/2017 23:20

Don't know any men who have it all either.

allinclusive · 21/09/2017 23:23

I know lots of people like that, who are happy, and lots who,don't, who are equally happy. You are being presumptuous to think that those are the things you need to have it all. Your outlook is narrow minded I'm afraid.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/09/2017 23:30

Are you taking about me OP . I am a rare creature Flowers

SonicBoomBoom · 21/09/2017 23:33

I'd say easily 50% of people where I live "have it all" by your definition.

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/09/2017 23:34

No one has it all and certainly not forever. Everything has a cost and life is unpredictable.

SonicBoomBoom · 21/09/2017 23:34

I least 50% of the women where Iive have it all, by your criteria.

TheOriginalMagratGarlik · 21/09/2017 23:38

I know quite a few women
I know 2 like that

Maybe someone else has pointed this out, or I'm missing something, but does "quite a few" = 2?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/09/2017 23:38

It's a fairly shallow criteria I agree

I think health and happiness are prime - and being happy with your lot

The rest whilst desirable don't bring happiness guaranteed . There are many women who are slim and have beautiful houses and are fucking depressed ! That's what I tell myself anyway Grin

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 21/09/2017 23:55

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

You start threads about other people's lives and I wonder, are you unhappy? What's wrong with you? Why are you not enough? You are enough but you need to stop looking outwards. Happiness and peace comes from within.

Pastacube · 22/09/2017 00:01

if i 'had it all' i wouldn't be in a job at all, and would be sitting on my arse all day

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 22/09/2017 00:04

Why is beautiful even on your list? "Having it all", to me, is about achieving things through effort.

Garlicansapphire · 22/09/2017 00:07

i have a high paid job, good house and kids and lots of amazing opportunities. But no man. To me - I have it all. I've achieved it all on my own.

astrotel · 22/09/2017 00:10

These women I know are in high paying, flexible part time jobs so only need childcare two times a week so get to spend a lot of time with their DCS too

That sounds very like they are into MLM, it isn't true- they just make it up

I have a very high paying job. I work 6 days a week, long hours, away all the time. If I took selected images of my life it would seen very glamorous- it really isn't.

MoodyOne · 22/09/2017 00:26

I have it all , a lovely husband and a beautiful baby , I am neither in a high paid job or particularly pretty, but own my home and have a nice little job which I love ... I am blessed x

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2017 00:44

"As I say, there are only 2 women I know", compared with how many women that you know? Surely two = rare, rare isn't none existent.

"Having it all" was put about as something all women should be aiming for, by Newspapers such as the DM/Sun, when Women were making it to the boardroom even though they had children.

Working outside the home, for Women meant they had double the workload, once childhood became protected. Rather than focus on the rampant sexism in-regards to child raring and housework, the media concentrated on selling a dream that rarely exists, for Women and blamed Women if they couldn't fulfill it.

I've met Women that I've envied.Then I've got to know what's happening behind the scenes. One Woman who I have still got as a FB friend still attends every mindfulness course for stress and depression, with some of her friends who you would think, have it all.

You can't judge someone's life from the outside, or tell other people what they should be striving for.

slothface · 22/09/2017 01:09

Interesting that no one has mentioned social demographics here. What you're describing sounds to me like an incredibly middle class existence that some people will never achieve no matter how hard they work, purely down to the opportunities that may or may not be available to them.

The kind of prestigious grad schemes that lead to these high paying jobs won't have a huge amount of working class people on them, because growing up in a poor area with a poor family and no familial support to do well at school is going to make it a damn sight tougher to get there. I'm generalising here, and I know there are exceptions (and I'm saying this as someone from a working class background) but what you're describing sounds like a very specific and narrow sector of the population.

Also there's the fact that some careers just aren't well-paid and not everyone is money motivated. Is a woman who achieves her lifelong ambition, even if that's in a poorly-paid sector like, for instance, a creative industry, eligible to be classed as 'having it all' if she also has the husband, house and kids, or is it purely about money?

I agree that what you've described is the media's narrow definition of 'having it all' but that's usually ascribed when talking about women like Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer who are exceptions to the rule. I think in wider society it rather more depends on what individual women actually want for themselves.

And I don't know a single person who fits your criteria. In my social group, we're all dedicated to our careers but most of us are in a creative sector where wages aren't great, nobody's having kids (either aren't in a financial/living situation to have them or don't want them) and we're in London and don't have a hope in hell of ever affording to buy houses here. But on the whole we're happy, and achieving our goals and ambitions. I do think what you've described is pretty much unheard of for millennials who've gone to London to pursue their careers, but I'm aware that is a very specific subset of people

Cantseethewoods · 22/09/2017 01:17

Given that only about 1% of the British population is genuinely beautiful (vs attractive) and 1% earns over 100k a year (i.e. has a "high paying" job- and probably 75% of those are men- sucks but true), just by the laws of probability, there are not that many people who will meet the OP's definition, so it's kind of ridiculous to state otherwise.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 22/09/2017 02:04

Do you know about any of these have-it-all women from the inside?
Things aren't always as perfect as they seem.

malificent7 · 22/09/2017 03:43

What about women who decide not to get married or have kids and forgo wealth in order to join a nunnery ir volunteer in an orphanage in India?

Why is their 'having it all' any less?
Why is marriage still seen as the pinacle of a woman's achievements?

malificent7 · 22/09/2017 03:43

Or beauty btw

Swipe left for the next trending thread