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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say it is not rare for women to have it all

185 replies

Sienna333 · 21/09/2017 20:46

I know quite a few women who are beautiful, in high paying jobs, married with DC'S and living in nice houses. Why then do some people say this is unusual and rare?

OP posts:
rightnowimpissed · 21/09/2017 21:06

I consider I have it all, my DCs and my DH and a loving family, the rest I don't need.....I do have a good job and can provide a nice home for my family but money is not what counts in life.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/09/2017 21:07

Having it all is a matter of perception, though isn't it.
It depends what your all is to you and if you're happy and fulfilled.
You could get someone who lives in a mansion, but They still thrive for more. Then you could get someone on the dole who lives in a bed sit, but They're deliriously happy.

Ivy79 · 21/09/2017 21:07

What a WEIRD thread.

As has been said, achievements and whatever is is 'all' in life, is subjective.

What is the point you are trying to make in your thread? @Sienna333 Confused

And how do you define 'beautiful?'

And how do you define 'rich?' On £100K a year? A million a year? 20 million a year?

Bizarre thread.

PickAChew · 21/09/2017 21:07

But you can have those things, OP, and life be incredibly dull. I would not call that having it all.

TapStepBallChange · 21/09/2017 21:08

I think my friends would come into that, probably me as well, except the beautiful bit, you'd probably exclude me from the list as I'm size 18. Most of us either have or have had depression, it's bloody hardwork, I'm not always a great mum, I'm not always a great employee, I'm not always a great boss, and I'm a rubbish wife quite a lot of the time because I'm so sodding stressed at times with the juggling. Each of them I love when I'm "in the moment", its never having enough time for each of them that's the problem, so definitely don't have all, I don't any of my friends would describe themselves that way either.

Dustbunny1900 · 21/09/2017 21:08

That may be one persons society's "all" but it wouldn't be mine or many others.
Besides many of the people we see who we think have it all are deeply unhappy, crumbling marriages, in debt.

Ivy79 · 21/09/2017 21:08

What a WEIRD thread.

As has been said, achievements and whatever is 'all' in life, is subjective.

What is the point you are trying to make in your thread? @Sienna333 Confused

And how do you define 'beautiful?'

And how do you define 'rich?' On £100K a year? A million a year? 20 million a year?

Bizarre thread.

Babbitywabbit · 21/09/2017 21:10

I think the phrase 'having it all' is pretty meaningless.

If you talk in terms of being happy in your relationship, Having a good and fulfilling job and also having children, then i know dozens of people who fit that category. Women and men.

It's just we seem to make such a big deal of it with women

pullingmyhairout1 · 21/09/2017 21:10

What does 'have it all' actually mean? I have a great job I enjoy. Money is good enough to allow me to have what I want for the most part. Just about to move in with the love of my life after finding him again after 20 years. I'm not rich. My children are provided for though, and we're relatively happy and healthy.

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2017 21:11

It's a bit depressing that the characteristics of "having it all" are being beautiful, married and having children.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 21/09/2017 21:13

I'm no beauty but yes, the rest fits (at least I like my house and think it's nice). But I've had 8 hours sleep in the last 2 nights with a small non sleeping child, working till 3am and leaving the house before 7.

I'm get home 6-8 with kids but then back online to work.
I have it 'all' but no life of my own.

Coconutspongexo · 21/09/2017 21:14

Are they healthy though? Like really truly healthy no stress etc? Are they happy?

Valentine2 · 21/09/2017 21:14

It all depends on perspective.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 21/09/2017 21:14

Depressing but true though Purple.

OP posts:
notanotherNC · 21/09/2017 21:16

Most women I know "have it all". We own 5 or 6 bedroom houses, have lovely kids and husbands, earn a good wage, are in our early 30s so in fairly good shape. We are all just average women though and our life's are not perfect. I think we are pretty standard.

gillybeanz · 21/09/2017 21:16

Because in most situations long term something has to give.
It is usually the adults relationship as obviously your kids and job come first.
Then of course the expensive house is divided and relationships with joint friends breaks down as some prefer one of the old couple to the other.
I have never wanted it all in this respect.
I do think having it all is personal to each individual though, a well paid job with responsibility is far from having anything near to it all imo.
Others strive for this.

Autumnskiesarelovely · 21/09/2017 21:21

I don't know any but I'd love to be one!

SheRasBra · 21/09/2017 21:22

Why do we (and the media) obsess about women 'having it all'? Most men 'have it all' i.e. can pursue the career they want while still having a family and nice home.

I have girlfriends who have returned to well paid jobs after kids and have said that they know (because they have asked them) that their husbands don't feel the guilt that they do about trying to work while raising kids. We have some way to go with this stuff.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 21/09/2017 21:26

I probably know lots of women who 'have it all,' in terms of how it's popularly defined. My friendship group is almost exclusively made up of women like that. But there's always something out of sight - the relationship with a stepdaughter that is sometimes upsetting, incredible work stress, trying to deal with a difficult parent, navigating chronic anxiety and so on.

It's exactly why people should never judge others, either those with it 'all' or those struggling.

I just make sure I feel bloody grateful for my life and the lovely people in it.

TellMeIAmBonkers · 21/09/2017 21:26

I know one woman like that. She and her husband both earn fortunes though.

Of all the thousands of people I've met in my lifetime, she is the only person I can truly say 'has it all'.

Original poster
Sienna333 · 21/09/2017 21:26

That's the point I was trying to make NotanotherNC. As I say, there are only 2 women I know who are-

  1. Happily married
  2. Kids
  3. Beautiful
  4. Lots of money
  5. Nice house
  6. Lots of friends and close to family

But yes, they do exist

OP posts:
dontcallmethatyoucunt · 21/09/2017 21:27

I have my health. That is all.

My MIL has stage 4 cancer. They're minted, she's beautiful. My FIL is a lovely man. If she's with us in 12 months I'll be surprised.

My SIL died at 44, she lost her baby during treatment. My BIL is lovely. They lived in affluent America.

My friend has stage 3 cancer, her young kids are lovely, her husband is sooo nice, she is bright, educated and beautiful. And likely to be dead in 5 years.

My friends partner has a brain tumour, his own successful business and is hot as hell. My friend is my friend, enough said.

Linda McCartney 'had it all' on a global scale, oh no fuck, she's dead too.

You need to recalibrate OP

ZippyCameBack · 21/09/2017 21:29

Having It All is a big fat lie. Mostly what really happens is Doing It All and dealing with the guilt over never feeling quite good enough at anything.

notanotherNC · 21/09/2017 21:30

I was agreeing @Sienna333, I think most people I know "have it all". In this day and age I think it is very common.

8isalotoflegsDayvid · 21/09/2017 21:31

I know loads of women like that. Every single one of them complains of the guilt they have at not spending enough time with their kids. That's not "having it all"