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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why you chose to have DC?

145 replies

PixieChemist · 21/09/2017 18:24

DP and I are in the talking about having DC stage and I can't come up with a single logical reason to ttc. DP can't either and said he "just knows he wants (more) DC" - he already has a 5 year old from his first marriage. I know I want DC but then if I think about it logically I just think about how much less money we'll have, how much harder it is to travel, have date nights (we have little in the way of family support for babysitting), sleep in etc.

It just made me wonder, what made you actually decide to go for it?

OP posts:
Tobebythesea · 21/09/2017 18:26

Being honest, age. We felt the same as you. No regrets.

MrGrumpy01 · 21/09/2017 18:27

I just wanted children.

I didn't think much further than that.

PastysPrincess · 21/09/2017 18:28

Blissful ignorance!

Blossomdeary · 21/09/2017 18:30

Just don not ask! - it is an atavistic instinct.

Crumbs1 · 21/09/2017 18:30

We decided long before we had children, as 18 year olds, that it was something we both felt was important to us. We wanted to create life, to have something that was a powerful message to the world of our love, fidelity and union. It felt like children made us complete. It was less why and more we couldn't begin to imagine not. It certainly wasn't logical or a list of pros and cons but each and every one of ours was very much planned and wanted.

Blossomdeary · 21/09/2017 18:30

....don't.....

Lottapianos · 21/09/2017 18:30

Can I give the other perspective? We decided NOT to go for it. I definitely felt the urge and went through stages of seeing babies absolutely everywhere and it was literally all I could think of some days. I felt a longing to create a family of my own..

However,I knew deep down that the reality of day in day out parenting would have driven me crazy. I'm not cut out for it. Your concerns about lack of sleep, impact on your relationship and finances - they are real and serious concerns and important to think about. You will get loads of posts telling you it's all worth it but not everyone feels that way. Parenting isn't for everyone, nor should it be.

Graphista · 21/09/2017 18:30

Biological urge plus first mc heartbreak. I don't think it's something you decide logically it's more emotional.

phoenix1973 · 21/09/2017 18:32

Unplanned pregnancy.

PodgeBod · 21/09/2017 18:32

I adore children and I thought it would be fun (and so far it has been).

corythatwas · 21/09/2017 18:32

I wanted a challenge.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 21/09/2017 18:35

I am 34 and have never wanted children.
A lot of people are honest enough on here to say how hard it is and that (sometimes) they secretly wish they hadn't.
It's not mandatory, OP!

ToEarlyForDecorations · 21/09/2017 18:35

Crumbs 1

Do feel better now you have proved that ?

SadieContrary · 21/09/2017 18:39

Unplanned, and not ever in the plan, but DD is here now and is utterly cherished and adored.
DH was sent for the snip to ensure no more though!

hubbahun · 21/09/2017 18:39

There aren't really any good reasons to.

There's proof having children makes you less happier than you were before you had them. Things look up once they've left home though apparently!

SheepyFun · 21/09/2017 18:39

It felt like something was missing. I wouldn't have been devastated if we hadn't had DD though.

Mayhemmumma · 21/09/2017 18:39

Making a family of our own. Love and closeness - i like caring/nurturing. I wanted to experience pregnancy. Joy...yes it can be dreadfully tiring and wearing but the pride is like nothing else. When TTC number 1 which took ages it made me feel I didn't have a purpose (despite happy marriage, good friends, degree and career)

ElspethFlashman · 21/09/2017 18:43

Age.

The feeling that it might be a bit Groundhog Day from there on with just the two of us. We're not exciting enough to be those Sexy Silvers dashing around the world at 70.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 21/09/2017 18:43

Another unplanned pregnancy here too. I had a termination with an ex partner and when I fell pregnant early into my relationship with my now DH, I was undecided what to do. His reaction, one of complete support, and seeing how good a dad he is to his older boys, made it an easy decision and one I have never regretted. I couldn't imagine life without DS. He's 17 now and it's such a rewarding phase of parenthood. I hated pregnancy though.

mycatloveslego · 21/09/2017 18:47

We just felt there was something missing. For us it was a decision we made with our hearts rather than our heads. We have two boys aged 5years and 5 months.

There's no good logical reason to have children-they cause chaos in every area of your life, but it is so worth it in a million ways. I can honestly say I'm happier now than I've even been. Sleep deprived, poorer and carrying a few extra post baby pounds, but happy.

DeadButDelicious · 21/09/2017 18:48

An unplanned, unknown pregnancy that ended in a loss at 20 weeks. Up until that second I had never wanted children. She changed everything. We had our second daughter the following year. She's hard work and this definitely isn't how I saw my life panning out but I love her with every fibre of my being and I love raising her and seeing her change everyday.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 21/09/2017 18:49

I just knew I wanted children. I didn't need a pros or cons list, I could never see my future without them. I had a lovely childhood and I wanted to be able to give that to my children. The love I have for them outweighs every sleepless night, dropped drink, illness, muddy shoe print, and they give me much more back. On my darkest day (pnd), I have never regretted choosing to have them.
Does that answer your question? Children aren't a pros and cons list.

Original poster
PixieChemist · 21/09/2017 18:56

Maybe I need to just stop thinking about it logically (probably the chemist in me trying to find a logical reason for everything Smile )

OP posts:
Purplemac · 21/09/2017 19:04

I didn't really want children when I was younger (like more like I was the kind of person who grew up dreaming of being a mum). Then I started dating a man with a child, and eventually the parenting part came with that. I love being a stepmum more than I could ever have imagined. And I'm good at it. And then kids started gravitating towards me. Nieces, nephews, friends children - they all just really love me Grin when DH found out he couldn't have any more kids it crushed me. Honestly I could live with being childless and living a different kind of life (travelling, moving abroad etc) but we can't do that because he already has a child. Therefore adoption was the logical step for us. It's all or nothing for me, and being in the middle o not being a parent but not quite childless is not a life I wanted.

Notonthestairs · 21/09/2017 19:05

I think it was a desire to love more to be honest. And a romantic wish to be part of the future in a small way.

DH told me his granny used to say "children would take the eyes from your head and then come back for the sockets." I was vaguely shocked by this but nine years on and I take her point.

But can't imagine life without them maybe I'm too tired to have imagination.