To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him....

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

Why is your child expected to be awake since 2.30?? He might sleep or are you going to try and keep him awake just because?

Jesus Christ no - I would do anything to get him to sleep!!

But when we get to the airport and on the plane I know he won't sleep.

Last time we had bad flight times we flew between 8pm until gone midnight so was obviously past DS's bedtime and in a dark and quiet environment and he still didn't sleep. If he didn't sleep on that occasion there's no way he's going to sleep in daylight hours this time round.

Yes Oblomov - my children are shit sleepers and anything, even a car sleep will fuck up at least 3 days of routines and there will be crying and whinging and fighting/hyperness and not going to bed for days. We went to Majorca a couple of years ago when ds1 was 2 and he didn't sleep till 1am for the whole 7 days and had to be walked for 2 hours every night in the buggy to even get him to do that. It was a horrendous shit holiday and we didn't even have bad flights like this -
he had got up at 5am.

The idea that any of mine would kip in the buggy at an exciting airport is laughable. Regardless of how tired they are. Different kids are different so i'm not sure what the is about. We aim to fly about 10am now and only do transfers either side which are an hour or under.

Based on your updates I would definitely be simply saying the flights need to be changed to 10am or I wasn't going at all (There's also no fucking way i'd travel seperately with a 3 year old and an 8 month old while my dh got a relaxing flight to sleep all the way - that's hardly going to send a message is it!)

I know you've had a bad experience, but that did seem an extreme situation. Is it really such a drama to wake up at 2.30 once a year. Tire him out the day before and early to bed?

I mean, the DS doesn't even need to be woken up or dressed. Wait until the last minute and stick him in the car in his jammies, take a change for the airport or plane.

I also don't understand why you're up 5 hours before your departure, surely 3.30-4am with online check-in, bag drop and a 45 minute drive is ample time?

Is it really such a drama to wake up at 2.30 once a year. Tire him out the day before and early to bed?

Obviously it is. For lots of kids just getting a bit tired out the day before then an extra nap wont cut it. This thread seems to be populated with people who had kids who could do that and be right as rain. Is it so hard to understand there are also many kids who can't? And as for just let him be tired for a few days - tired kids often make everything miserable and certainly wouldn't make a nice holiday.

Mrs Koala is right. My kids are whiny, crying, pains in the ass when they're tired.

A late night, or indeed a 2.30am start and a day's travelling, will have them out of sorts for at least a day. Tantrums, tears, needing carrying everywhere... Shit for everyone really.

Try appreciating some lovely architecture or a nice museum with a child prostrate on the floor at your feet, refusing to walk any further because they're tired.

Fuck all of that.

I'd be pissed off that I didn't know where the surprise destination was too. How will you know what to pack? Is it hot? Cold? Will you be near a city or stuck in the middle of nowhere? With two very young children I would have to know these things. And with your DH as clueless and selfish as he would seem - I wouldn't trust that he'd really though through things like not booking a villa at the top of a massive hill, or not getting breakfast included in the hotel, or making sure there's a travel cot, or whatever.

I know I'll get loads of people piling on to say they went trekking in the Himalayas when they had three under five and they just used cloth nappies and drank water from streams, but you can't be underprepared on holiday with young ones. Especially as one of them will be a baby.

A surprise isn't a welcome one when it's something that will actually make your life harder.

Tired grumpy stressed kids = tired stressed parents = shit holiday.

Flights and babies! My DS is the a a heavyweight sleep fighter. He won't settle and this sort of flight would be a nightmare for us. We went to Orlando and flights were late, all the kids were asleep but I have pictures where my son (7months) is wide awake and taking it all in. Despite not sleeping more than 3 hours on the plane, he only slept 4.5 hours once we went to bed.

YANBU!!!

Is a heavyweight sleeper*

He is still a crap sleeper, excuse the tired typo.

Oh God, YANBU. My DD is older now and we could probably do this, but why start your holiday tired, stressed and grumpy when you don't have to? It doesn't sound as though the extra £75 will break the bank. ( I also wouldn't want a surprise holiday, so I'd be annoyed about that too.)

YANBU. Only parents of crap sleepers and/or routine lovers will get it though.

On our first family holiday with DD at two and a half, me 20 weeks pregnant it went like this:

4 hour drive to Gatwick DD did not nap

At Travel Lodge DD not not sleep until 11.00 pm (we arrived at 6.00)

DD crying with tiredness at Gatwick at 6.00am but still didn't sleep for duration of 4 hour flight

DD slept in hire car for 40 minutes but woke on arrival at apartment

DD refused to go the fuck to sleep until 9.00 pm every night, awake at 7.00 every morning

Would only nap in hire car so no rest for us all week

She never napped again, ever, after that holiday.

We camped in the UK for the next 3 years.

She is quite extreme though and now has medication to help her sleep.

YANBU as it will be a horrible start to your holiday. Tell DH that the flights need to be changed or you're not going. You need to be more stubborn than DH on this otherwise he will never take you and his DC into consideration in future. Don't give in to avoid an argument or for an 'easy life'. He'll probably sulk or get angry (as I suspect you don't stand up to him very often) but he won't make the same mistake again.

My DH can also be stubborn but he knows there are certain times when I won't give in under any circumstances. Your DH needs to see this strength from you as he is treating you like a doormat over this holiday.

With the update that you will arrive at mid day and have to "go for a walk" to amuse yourself until you can get into the accommodation, this gets worse. Won't you have lots of bags? Who would do that? You'd just sit in the hotel lobby and wait for check in really. Nothing much else you can do.

I'd be having a big row about booking a surprise holiday, he is being very controlling here. It's your money paying for it too!

I think you need to speak to him about changing to the later flight but I'm worried he'll try and turn this around ("I'm trying to do a nice thing and you're being unreasonable") rather than seeing he was unreasonable to go against your prior agreement - and as a surprise too, so you had no opportunity to object. He can't plead ignorance about how you feel about early flights - he went ahead and booked them anyway, knowing how you feel, which is not at all a nice thing to do.

Were saving money and making the most of every second big things in his house while growing up? My DF always made a huge deal about the latter and I still struggle with irrational guilt about 'wasting time' on holidays, but try very hard not to let it affect what I do.

I have a ds 8 and a dd 2, my dd can pretty much sleep anywhere anytime, my ds will still be a crying, stroppy hysterical puddle without having had 9-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep and has been that way all of his life.
I would change the flights because having an extra half day for us wouldn’t be any fun with miserable ds anyway!

It is not a good time for a child to fly. I purposely didn't book flights at this time with a nine-year-old. However, it is not the end of the world. Maybe you should have organised the holiday yourself. Next time-book them yourself. Have a good time.

That's awful, of you can afford a holiday you can afford an extra £75 to make it enjoyable!

Also - why not book things yourself if it matters that much?

It was a surprise - how were you supposed to book, and rubbish flight times had previously been discussed!

Personally I always book these kind of times, firstly because there will be no traffic at 2.30am, one less thing to stress about. And secondly because my kids usually sleep on the flights which means less entertaining them.
You never know, your son might just sleep this time.

7am isn't too bad for a flight time. Least when you arrive you have a decent amount of day left. Hate leaving late on and arriving after tea time! Waste of the day.

The issue seems to be more with how much time you're all allocating to getting them and getting on the flight. Whittle that down and you can have at least another 1.5 hours or more. Work backwards...

7am - flight
6am - arrive esp if hand luggage only
4:45am leave for a 45 min drive with time to car etc
Get up after 4am

Pack car night before and have any showers etc so only have to dress, brush hair and brush teeth in morning.
Take children to airport in PJs.

"I'm sorry DH, but we discussed this last year and we are not getting on a plane at that time of day. Please contact the airline and change the flight times. I know this will cost money, but as we'd agreed last year, we can't expect DS to travel at that time. Also I am frustrated as I don't feel you took took my concerns seriously last year."

Yanbu. No way would I drag my kid out of bed and drag her round an airport at that time.

I'd be very annoyed OP, and already dreading the holiday. Being mean with money is unattractive. I feel for you as I'm useless all day if I have to get up especially early, and you can never sleep properly the night before anyway.

It's not just about DS, it's about you, you don't want to leave at 2.30am.

Is it possible to check in early for the flight? (the night before?) We did this. This way you can stay in a close airport hotel, bring your cases to the airline the night before, and so don't have to appear at the airport until an hour before the flight.

What are the return flights like?

Our hotel is only a 20 minute drive away from us but I would jump at the chance to stay on the on-site hotel for a flight at any time so why not use the saving to do that? It means you're all packed and can get a good kip before hand.

Also, what's wrong with an eye mask and earphones/earplugs so that you can sleep in the car, in the lounge, on the plane?

It's really only one day out of the year, look at what you've got, a lot more than most people out there.

Won't you have lots of bags? Who would do that? You'd just sit in the hotel lobby and wait for check in really. Nothing much else you can do

I've never stayed in a hotel where you can't leave your bags in the hold and then start to make use of the facilities or go for a walk to explore where you are staying.

You don't just sit in silence in reception until check in!

I'd just be thrilled my DH had booked a surprise holiday so I think YABU