To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him....

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

he will just get stroppy and say something like "Fine, we just won't go then!!"

So you have two toddlers.

I would be rebooking flights for you and your DS. Let your OH catch his red eye flight and join him later that day.

Everyone's a winner.

speakout - yes!!

YABabitU

I completely get why you're so cross.

But you can solve the practical problems easily. Airport hotel and parking is often cheaper than parking alone or no difference. Go nice and early the evening before, get everyone bedded down by 10 at the latest, probably earlier. You can check in online usually so only need to drop your bags, if you're taking hold luggage. Then security. I'd be at the airport at 5, so up no earlier than 4.30. There's no way I'd be getting up at 2am. But those extra couple of hours and no driving/parking will make a difference

Have a lovely holiday

If everyone's so knackered from the early start, surely you'd all fall asleep on the plane? I don't think I've ever stayed awake for an entire flight, even when I return from the Isle of Man when you're in the air about 20 minutes.

I would be rebooking flights for you and your DS. Let your OH catch his red eye flight and join him later that day. Everyone's a winner.

He said the next flight out isn't until late morning (he said around 10am) but apparently getting to our destination at 12.30pm isn't good enough as we "lose half the day". He seems very focused on squeezing every last minute out of the first day...

We book odd flights though to save.mkney so I get this too but our savings factor in parking and taxis as well. We fly via Paris to go new York each time and save around £600 for what works out an extra 4 hours traveling.

Oh God, a ten o'clock flight would be so much better. What's that - getting up at 5.30 or 6? That's what I'd do (and always did when kids were little.)

I hate flying in the middle of the night. It makes my eyes gritty and I get clumsy and stupid.

OP, I think the important point is you agreed and DH went back on that agreement. The surprise/savings shouldn't negate the agreement.

I think other posters are giving you a hard time because they're thinking how they'd love a holiday. But I don't blame you for being horrified at starting one with a nightmare journey.

OP then let him enjoy his day.

You can catch the later flight and join him.

I wouldn't put up with his stroppy tantrums.

Just refuse to go unless he changes the flights. He won't make that mistake a second time!

"What flight time would fit in with their sleep patterns?"

In my experience, anything where the entire journey is completed without getting them up or putting them to bed more than two hours different from normal. It's not hard to understand.

I think traveling with small kids and babies is always going to be stressful

You are struggling to get "control" of the situation, through flight times, but really, flights are often delayed, you'll be tired and with cranky kids either way.

It is just how it is with small kids. If you travel anywhere they will be tired, cranky, unsettled. The departure time really does not matter that much, imo.

FWIW we did not take our kids,abroad between the ages of 3 and 10, haha. You and your DH are braver than us. Use that go get-em attitude to have fun together, instead of making a huge issue out of this.

It's unlikely that the flights can be changed without huge cost. Flexible flights are usually ££££s in the first place, or if budget airline flights, it is often more expensive to change a flight than just ditch the booking and start again. Doesn't sound like something the DH would have booked or would agree to.

Just take a pram id have thought your ds will mainly be asleep. Even as you travel to airport.

All very dramatic and unnecessary. And all the talk of 'we'll make him pack and make him do XYZ. Jesus Christ some people seem to be living in a permanent state of unnecessary battle. Exhausting.

And you haven't even got a particularly early flight.

Bottom line, go or don't go. If you stay home you get a week to yourself to regret being ridiculous whilst your husband and son are on their holiday.

Yanbu to be annoyed he ignored your POV.

However your idea of only sleeping 7 in 27 hours doesn't sound accurate to me?

I usually do the 6/7am flight because I simply get ds into the back of the car and he'll sleep until we get to the airport at 4am.

So the loss of sleep is 2/3 hours.

We arrive at accommodation at 12/1pm and so he just has an early night and sometimes a nap in the afternoon.

Are you flying long haul where you'll not arrive at the accommodation until 10pm?

What I meant by him only getting 7 hours sleep in 27 hours is because his day will go like this. (We fly on a Saturday)

Friday: up at 6am and goes to bed at 8pm. He is then woken again at 2.30am so will have had 6.5 hours sleep.

Saturday: He's awake from 02.30am and then is expected to be awake until we reach the hotel at what will be about 9am UK time (according to DH).

This means that between 6am on Friday morning and 9am on Saturday morning he will only have had the 6.5 hours sleep.

I would hope he'd sleep in the car on the way to the airport, but that's only 45 minutes, but I know that once we get to the airport he will not sleep, especially not on the flight.

My son booked a flight for me once. Informed me he saved me a bundle. I had a 8+ hour wait in Phoenix to catch my connecting flight! I now book my own flights. The two meals and book I bought at the Phoenix airport blew the savings anyway.

I think this is a fight you have to have.

and the "surprise" element is just a way of getting his own way. It's not a nice thing at all. Who books a surprise family holiday anyway, they're normally jointly arranged.

It is just how it is with small kids. If you travel anywhere they will be tired, cranky, unsettled. The departure time really does not matter that much, imo

Simply not true. I've only ever chosen civilised flight times and it's worked much better than getting some horrible early flight. The other thing is you get up at 2am for some 5am flight to find it's been delayed by a few hours when you get to the airport!

The earliest I've ever got up for a flight is around 6am. Admittedly we live fairly close to several airports, but if we didn't, I'd stay close by, and have done that a couple of times when flying out of Gatwick.

Of course, the best thing is when you book your civilised flight times (and often pay more for them) and then the airline decides to cancel the flight and put you on a less convenient one. Admittedly I've not been transferred from say a noon flight to a 7am one, but I have been transferred from a 6pm flight to a noon flight which meant we lost half our last day. And I've had a plane rescheduled to a late arrival on a Sunday evening, which meant we then had to pay for a private transfer rather than relying on the airport bus to get to our destination.

So I guess actually you are right and flying is always a lottery! And we didn't do any long flights until ds was older. But you at least give yourself a chance if you book civilised flight times to start with.

and the "surprise" element is just a way of getting his own way.

The cynical side of me agrees....

I would hate this but I also find the idea of a surprise holiday very controlling - you say he won't say where it is to, given lack of consideration over the times do you honestly think it will be somewhere that you would pick, rather than him? With two tinies I would want to check out all aspects of the holiday before I went.
Your dh (this is the one with all the holidays with work, no?) strikes me as a bit of a fluttery Peter Pan figure. Maybe it's time for him to grow up.

Why is your child expected to be awake since 2.30?? He might sleep or are you going to try and keep him awake just because? You could change the flight and your little one might start teething and scream through the flight , just because your last flight was bad doesn't mean this one will be.

Get an airport hotel, check in online, see if you can do bag drop the day before, fast track security. We did this when Tui changed our flight from 7:30am to 6am. Meant we were up at 4:30 which was still early but not as bad as the 2:30 it would have needed to be.