To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him....

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

Children take 5-7 days to adjust? Thus the holiday will be ruined?

Yes it's an early start. It's not the end of the world. Get there. Have some lunch. A siesta? Then ds will be ready for the evening. Maybe not a late one, a bit of an early night? Go with the flow, it's all doable.

Don't let this ruin the whole thing.

I Missed a bit.
Just seen that it's 7am flight. 45 minutes from your house.

FFS you sound like a right miser.
Do us all a favour and don't go. Tell your Dh that me and my 2 ds's will come. (I'm sure my Dh won't mind )

Oh no. Sorry I can't. I'll be off on a jolly myself to Majorca.

I'm sure another appreciative mn'ers can take your place.

Oh I’d be annoyed too, it’s a false economy. In fact I start with flight times, they have to be easy on everyone not just the purse. Take into account sleep times, traffic flow, hotel check on times etc. it can make the difference between a happy holiday and one big stressful outing.

YANBU

Yes, holidays are lovely, surprises can be lovely. But no, he did not do a lovely thing by prioritising saving money over a prior agreement that he had with you. People who are saying if you care about flight times so much you should book them yourself are totally ignoring the fact that you had no idea this was even happening until it was booked.

You would not be at all unreasonable to say you'd like the flight time changed in keeping with your earlier agreement. Dealing with overtired children (particularly if that mostly falls to you - it does in my family) is not a relaxing way to start a holiday, and isn't worth the money saved.

To be fair to the OP it is her DH saying they need to leave home that early.

OP I would hate it too. I used to have to do a 7.30 am flight from Dublin when DS was a baby - we lived overseas so this was after visiting family. My dad used to take us to the airport which thankfully is only 15 mins from my parents. We all hated it. I never slept well the night before as was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time. Dad was the same but at least he could go back to bed after dropping us off. DS was normally very good though. I used to get everything sorted and wake him as late as possible and leave him in pjs. It wasn't too bad when he was a baby but it was harder when he was a toddler. Thankfully we moved countries and had more choice of flight times.

Actually I've just remembered a couple of times we missed our connection and got stuck in Vienna airport overnight. First time I didn't have enough formula and had to get escorted through security to landside to the only shop that had formula - the airport hotel was airside for some reason. It's a bit of a blur as to why it was so complicated but I just remember the panic of thinking I didn't have enough formula. Always traveled with extra after that.

I've just booked a 6am flight in Australia which would not be my preference but I'm traveling with a friend and she booked first. Saves us 50 aus dollars. Thankfully I will still be on uk time as will only have arrived two days before so it won't be too bad I hope.

Poor DH gets picked up at 4.15am regularly to drive to Heathrow.

I started with sympathy, but then seeing it's a 7am flight it's gone.

7am is a reasonable flight. It does not mean getting up at 230. THAT is what rhe DH needs to understand.

However, OP has zero intention of even attempting to enjoy the trip, has already decided that it's going to be awful and they're going to kick off and aim to get later flights. Seems a bit unnecessarily pessimistic and moany.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I had thought about a cheap buggy but we are already going to have a pushchair for the baby and I can't imagine managing a pushchair, a buggy and the luggage. Besides, even if we did have a buggy for DS he still wouldn't sleep.

As a previous poster said, I would have booked the flights myself but I didn't know the holiday was happening. Like I said earlier though, I think the only reason my DH wanted to "surprise" me with it was because he knew that if he spoke about going away and flying at those times then I wouldn't agree.

I get the arguement of it's just one day and that when we arrive after lunch we should have a siesta so we are awake and ready for the evening, but then that completely negates my husband's plan of flying early so we can 'enjoy' the full day there when we arrive. If all we would be doing is sleeping after lunch and waking up in the evening then we may as well just fly at a late time and arrive at the destination after lunch and all be awake enough to then just enjoy the day.

His plan just makes no sense. If he genuinely thinks we can get our son up at 2.30am and put him through the travel, flight and transfers and then expect him to stay awake all day in order to 'enjoy it' then DH is deluded. I don't think many adults would feel up to doing this, let alone a small child. If we do end up going at these flight times then upon arrival at the hotel I will hand the baby over to DH and tell him to enjoy his full day whilst me and DS go to bed because sleeping is all we're going to be in the mood for.

The problem with DH is that he just gets carried away and makes decisions without actually thinking through the practicalities. He will have been too excited about finding such a "great deal" that he will have booked it without considering the reality of it. All this hassle and disruption just to save £75 - its insane.

I'm going to speak to him about it today after work when our son is in bed and make him see why spending the extra £75 to fly at a later time makes much more sense.

I am with you 100% OP.

7am is not just an early start- it's a middle of the nigh wake. Assume you want to be at airport by 5am latest- in fact I would allow 2.5 hours as my local airport has massive queues, so for me that would be aiming for 4.45 or so. Driving to the airport means parking somewhere, perhaps with a shuttle or minibus transfer to the airport from the car park, allow 30 minutes for that.
So leaving the house at 3.30 am.
I would need an hour before that to get up, quick wash, do my hair, coffee, dressed, last minute checks.
So yes entirely reasonable to get up at 2.30 am.
OK I would may leave it till 3am, but still the middle of the night.

I feel physically ill having to get up and start a day during the night. I feel queasy, I hate the journey, can't enjoy the journey, feel tired and out of sorts.
It would take me a day or two to recover from a lost night's sleep.

Plus I don't really want to go to be in the middle of the day when I arrive at a holiday resort. I feel wired, places are noisy.
OK the 3 year old may sleep, but where does that leave you?

A toddler who has had a 4 hour nap in the afternoon.
Good luck getting him to sleep later than night- with two sleep deprived parents and a 3 year old who is ready to rock at midnight.

No. just no.

Civilised flight times or no holiday. I would be livid if my OH had done this.

A toddler who has had a 4 hour nap in the afternoon. Good luck getting him to sleep later that night- with two sleep deprived parents and a 3 year old who is ready to rock at midnight.

I hadn't thought about that either

The main problem is that DH can survive on very little sleep and says he "just gets on with it" and he expects everybody else to be the same. Even 3 year olds apparently.

I'd just never go again if I was you, clearly no flight time is suitable for your children and their much needed naps (though they apparently don't sleep for 20 something hours.

Your arriving at lunchtime so what a 4/5 hour flight? I still don't know if you are in the UK so don't know where 5 hours flight could take you. Its probably 230pm UK time at hotel, you can check in at 3.

What flight time would actually fit in with your sleep patterns?

Right, in that case book yourself and the baby on a later flight at a civilised time (possibly the next day?) and leave him to deal with the three-year-old entirely on his own. Make it his problem if he's so breezy about it.

What flight time would actually fit in with your sleep patterns?

A flight time that doesn't involve getting up at 2.30am.

You clearly think I'm being unreasonable and that's fine, you have made this clear many times over. I accept that in your eyes I'm being precious, ungrateful, ridiculous or whatever you want to label me as but persistently posting to make digs at me is just pointless.

You've given your opinions many times and made your point so let's just agree to disagree.

OP don't worry about some posters.

I totally get it.

To me a holiday should be enjoyed. There is nothing enjoyable about getting up in the middle of the night to catch a flight.
I can do it, have done it with and without kids.
It takes the shine off the trip.

Surely you can book a cab for 3.45 - get to the airport at 4.30, 30 mins leeway. You and dh wake at 3am; ready yourselves and wait for the cab to arrive - at which point scoop the kids out of their beds at 3.45.

Put baby in a sling & let toddler use the pushchair maybe?

What flight time would actually fit in with your sleep patterns?

A flight time that doesn't involve getting up at 2.30am

Ok, so I've done some digging. I'm guessing which airport you are going from and I'm not putting it on here. Taxis do a flat rate fee to this Airport. We get a taxi to this airport when we go to New York.

They drop you off right at the departures door so no waiting for the bus or monorail and they include the £2 fee that it costs to take the taxi there.

Personally I can't stand this airport I prefer our other nearest one as it's quieter, so for that, I do feel for you.

I'd be telling your husband that actually, we are getting a taxi at 4am end of. If he wants to take the car and luggage then let him crack on with it. You can be at the airport by 5am at very latest and check in when the gates allow. Go and have a Weatherspoons breakfast and do it that way!

I'm not making digs but rather than spoiling the holiday by being so sure it's going to be a flop because of lack of sleep, tell him this is what's happening.

Surely you can book a cab for 3.45 - get to the airport at 4.30, 30 mins leeway. You and dh wake at 3am; ready yourselves and wait for the cab to arrive - at which point scoop the kids out of their beds at 3.45.

That's not very pleasant for a child though. Being "scooped out of bed" and bundled into a taxi in the middle of the night." Where do you change the child?

And the OP would still be sleep deprived.

Absolute proof you should holiday on Isle of Wight when children are young. It's much nicer for them.

Surely you can book a cab for 3.45 - get to the airport at 4.30, 30 mins leeway....

I have already suggested that but getting a taxi to and fro the airport would involve spending money and would negate from the £75 he's saved I asked him how is it any different from spending money on petrol for us to drive there ourselves and then having to pay to park the car at the airport but he just doesn't see my argument. Well he does, he just chooses to ignore it because that would mean admitting he's talking nonsense.

I have just asked him more about the timings of things and he said the flight is at 6.35am and due to length of travel and time difference we land at 10am local time. I asked him what we're supposed to do then if we reach our hotel at midday but can't check in for 3 hours? He said we could all go for a walk and just look for things to do. I asked him if he really thought we'd want to go walking and hunting out activities if we've been up since 2.30am and he just shrugged his shoulders. I asked him if he was really prepared to put our child through that and he said that he'd just carry our son around so DS can sleep over his shoulder. I despair.

Isle of wight? Ha ha.

Would take us 10 hours driving and an overnight stop.
So two days when we can be in the Med in 4 hours.

No thanks.

Op , I get where you are coming from. Our summer holiday flight was at 6 am an we were at the airport at 3.30 am so up at 2.am but in reality hadn't had more than an hours sleep. We were absolutely knackered by the time we arrived.
If there had been an alternative flight time I would have definitely taken it and there's no way I would have went through it to save £75 pound

I'm 100% with you op.

We've done flights with small children at ridiculous o clock in the morning and it was a fucking nightmare. Our DCs are the sort of DCs that get hysterical and scream when they're overtired and excited. Not the placid, docile sort of DCs that everyone else on this thread seems to have, who will sleepily slumber in the back of cars, airport car park buses, and happily sleep on the floor at the gate

Like you, we both agreed that for all the hassle and tiredness it just wasn't worth it. When we went on holiday this year we paid a bit extra to take flights at civilise times and it was bliss.

OP sounds like you have an OH problem rather than a holiday problem.

Is he usually so dismissive of your feelings?

OP sounds like you have an OH problem rather than a holiday problem. Is he usually so dismissive of your feelings?

He's just so bloody stubborn!

I am pretty sure that when I speak to him tonight about changing the flights he will just get stroppy and say something like "Fine, we just won't go then!!" as opposed to listening to my concerns and then looking at alternative flight times.

I may be wrong, he may surprise me, but I doubt it.