Saw a dad hit their child on the school run. Do I report it?

[Moanyoldcow]

Please tell me if I'm over reacting. I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son.

On the school run this morning there was a father and son who I see most mornings. They were a little late today and the boy was really agitated about it asking his dad to hurry. His dad was annoyed and kept saying they were very close (which is true) and to stop worrying.

The boy was obviously upset and pushed his dad. His dad responded by hitting him twice on the back of his head. It happened about 8ft in front of me.

I said (loudly but didn't shout) 'don't hit your child' twice. He turned to me and put his finger up to me like he was about to shout and I said again 'don't hit your child'. He was very angry but just said 'FINE' and we all finished the walk to school arriving about 1 min after the bell.

I know that parents can hit their children within limits so what he did wasn't illegal. I suppose I worry that if he'll do that in public, what does he do in private?

I would recognise him and the child so I could make a report - I just don't want to blow one incident out of proportion but if it's more I'd hate to ignore it.

What should I do?

OP - You really need to learn to mind your own business and apologies to the dad. You had no right to interfere with his family.

The dad is within his rights to use reasonable punishment - so unless your claiming the child suffered wounding, ABH or GBH your totally in the wrong.

Blink are you just trying to get a reaction? You seriously think that? Then its you who has a problem, not the OP. She was at worst misguided but at best trying to help, you on the other hand are something else.

For those who think what this man did was OK, would you think it was acceptable if he'd hit his wife on the head? Would you just say "well, she was being annoying and deserved it"?

@magicmarkers

What was she doing? We need more details.

I posted too soon.

I meant to ask where you stand on removing DPs devices at bedtime or turning off the wifi because they hadn't done their chores

No - I just believe people need to mind their own business. The father was quite within his rights - there is now law against reasonable punishment, and it needs to be much more "serious", i.e. wounding at least before it's a crime. Section 58 of the CHildren's Act does not prevent a parent doing this.

If you had someone come up to you in the street telling you how to bring up your children within legal choices then I suspect you might be a little miffed and expect an apology.

Is it unreasonable to expect other parents to respect how they choose to bring up their children in a legal way? Maybe we will also advocate people who believe in breast feeding to report non-breast feeding mothers - as despite it being completely within the law, some are quite passionate about it.

Now - if he'd punched him - that would be another matter - but he didn't. It's just a malicious busybody wasting people's time. I personally don't agree with smacking or clips around the ear, but respect others right to choose.

DD used to panic about being late for school when we had 50 minutes to do a 20 minute walk! I used to get frustrated with her constantly worrying about it, but I wouldn't have hit her. I'd probably report it.

MagicMarkers

No - that would be assault, because he doesn't have the right to do so - his wife not being a child and the man not being her parent.

Reasonable punishment doesn't legally amount to abuse. Whether you personally dont agree with parents smacking children isn't relevant.

My father hit me all the time, he was quite violent. I once thought my arm would break. Of course this was abuse and shouldn't be tolerated.

However I once smacked my dd on the legs and don't regret my decision. I had to walk her down a road on a steep incline to get her to school. To make matters worse at the bottom of the hill we had to cross a very busy road with poor visibility. Every single day I held her hand tightly and she would wriggle and scream to get free, sometimes to the point she would be lying on the floor having a tantrum. At the same time I would have to try and keep control of my ds pram. I lost count of the number of times she managed to break free and I caught just before she ran into the road.

My dh and I of course spent a lot of time explaining to her why should hold my hand and not run of. She just kept saying we were being mean.

On one occasion my hand slipped out of my glove and she ran hell for leather and got to the middle of the road before I caught her and a car had to swerve to the other side of the road to miss her. The pram was on its side on the floor with my son screaming. Damn right I smacked her legs and shd didn't do it again.

One of the mothers threatened to report me for abuse and I invited her to do so.

The OP hasn't answered the question previously asked. Did the child cry, was he knocked to the floor, was there any sign of injury, did she feel the force used was reasonable as per legal guidelines. If she reported it just because she doesn't agree with parents smacking children then she should have minded her own business. If she wasn't sure if he stepped over the legal line, then of course she did the right thing.

Just for the record, I wouldn't normally support smacking a child, but i truly think if I hadn't smacked my dd she would have continued to run off, risking her own life.

He shouldn't hit his child. No excuses. No 'we don't know the full picture'. And no, I'm not concerned for the impact reporting has on the dad, because the priority should be the wellbeing of the child. Load of bollocks here about 'interfering in other people's parenting' - if it's shit parenting involving hitting a child, bloody right to interfere. Parents aren't a law unto themselves.

Parents aren't a law unto themselves.

Very true. What law was broken, or was it simply poor parenting according to you?

I hate smacking and think it's really bullyish behaviour
How old was the child op and as someone already asked was it a tap or a smack?

The child cried out in pain but did not fall to the floor or anything like that. It was hard - I head the sound it made and it was a dull sound rather than a slapping sound if that makes sense. It felt disproportionate and unreasonable to me which is why I spoke out but I wanted other opinions before reporting it. After he was hit, I told the dad to stop (it was almost instantaneous - I said it as the first blow landed). The boy cried out cried out. The dad turned to me and the boy ran away as the school gates were in sight by that point.

In my OP I said I knew it wasn't illegal and I only mentioned that I'm against hitting because for ME, any type of physical punishment is unreasonable and I didn't want that to colour my judgement. I am aware that it might not have been seen that way generally hence my post.

I'm really okay with people thinking I'm nosey or a busybody - I know I'm not. I'm just not okay with the thought of anyone being abused and I'll speak out about that whenever I come across it.

I think I replied earlier - it was a blow to the back of the head just above the neck with an open hand. It was NOT a punch but not a light slap. I heard the sound which was a kind of dull sound rather than a slapping sound.

I actually think what you describe Lozen is the kind of situation where it is understandable, and one of the reasons governments are reluctant to outlaw smacking completely (although I think it could be done with a clause for allowing for panic situations).

Even then, you didn't whack her on the head. Most people are aware that is horrible and potentially harmful.

So the people who are allowed to be hit are the ones who are the smallest and most dependent in society? I think it's immoral and very poor parenting. It is just another form of domestic violence and coercion.

It used to be no one else's business if a man beat his wife and it was his right. That attitude and the law has changed and it's time the law protected children properly too.

OMG i am utterly dismayed at the amount of people having a dig at OP for saying something to the adult!

Well, as I and others have already pointed out many times OPs actions weren't actually wise. Another poster mentioned Safeguarding Children and how they teach you not to approach the parents in the way the OP did and how she has given him the heads up that there may be an investigation.

There are only a couple of posters who think the OP should have kept her nose out completely. Certainly not a huge amount.

So the people who are allowed to be hit are the ones who are the smallest and most dependent in society? I think it's immoral and very poor parenting. It is just another form of domestic violence and coercion. - yes but there are people on this thread holding themselves up as better than the OP because if was legal they'd support hanging.

As for the story about the child running away, that was that child, then, in those circumstances. Nothing about that story makes what the OP saw OK. And I am really glad the OP is not worried that she's called a busybody because the opinions of those who think hitting a child is ok because its "within the law" frankly wouldn't concern me either!

Surely a child can grow out of running into the road without needing to be smacked? Or are there dozens of 27-somethings prancing into the road because they were never smacked as children? You don't need to smack to change a behaviour. Both DCs here have worked out not to run into roads without being smacked.

OP, I work in a school and our rule is 'if in doubt, report it'. I've reported things I've seen on my way into or out of school occasionally because, frankly, children are the most vulnerable people in our society and allowing them to be hit because their parents are having a shit day means we're shirking our responsibilities as adults in society.

If someone thinks you're a busybody for reporting a child being hit (which would be an assault had he done it to an adult) then they're the ones with the issue. You did the right thing in speaking out but school should be aware. It could be that the parent was having an awful day and acted totally out of character. It could also be that school are aware of issues at home with the child being hurt and this strengthens the support they can offer the child and the family. You'll never know, you'll never need to. But report it anyway.

Well there are dozens of 27-somethings prancing into the road actually, though that's another thread!

I think the tide has turned against smacking, which is good, but also against discipline and boundaries in general, for some parents, which is not so good. It's as if people confuse the two and think anything that makes your child unhappy for 2 mins is unthinkable.