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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saw a dad hit their child on the school run. Do I report it?

323 replies

Moanyoldcow · 21/09/2017 09:06

Please tell me if I'm over reacting. I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son.

On the school run this morning there was a father and son who I see most mornings. They were a little late today and the boy was really agitated about it asking his dad to hurry. His dad was annoyed and kept saying they were very close (which is true) and to stop worrying.

The boy was obviously upset and pushed his dad. His dad responded by hitting him twice on the back of his head. It happened about 8ft in front of me.

I said (loudly but didn't shout) 'don't hit your child' twice. He turned to me and put his finger up to me like he was about to shout and I said again 'don't hit your child'. He was very angry but just said 'FINE' and we all finished the walk to school arriving about 1 min after the bell.

I know that parents can hit their children within limits so what he did wasn't illegal. I suppose I worry that if he'll do that in public, what does he do in private?

I would recognise him and the child so I could make a report - I just don't want to blow one incident out of proportion but if it's more I'd hate to ignore it.

What should I do?

OP posts:
stressedbeyond123 · 21/09/2017 13:35

OMG i am utterly dismayed at the amount of people having a dig at OP for saying something to the adult!

As adults ourselves, we all have a duty of care towards children, regardless of relationship status.

stick to your guns, and report him. you did nothing wrong, the father did, end of.

Pallisers · 21/09/2017 13:40

Otherwise, why aren't you assertively speaking to people in the street who smoke, or indeed are fat?

Are you seriously comparing hitting another person with being fat???? I've heard everything now.

There are literally no other circumstances in which anyone would defend someone hitting another person on the back of the head, hard, twice except that one of those persons is a child.

I would probably report to the school in case it is another piece of a puzzle which instead of making up a picture of an inadequate parent who thinks it is ok to hit a child on the head (sadly common I would say judging by posts on here) makes a picture of more severe abuse.

And well done for calling him out on what should be socially unacceptable behaviour. If you hit a child hard on the head on the way to school where I am, people would intervene and probably call the police.

Nazdarovye · 21/09/2017 13:41

I am shocked how many of you jump to conclusions and assume the dad is an abusive animal. You are all terribly afraid for the cheeky disrespectful son but you don't give a toss about the possible consequences for the dad if he gets reported for something like this. He was disciplining his son FFS. It can potentially put him in a very dire situation with the school, other parents and maybe his employers. He is probably a perfectly innocent everyday dad who lost his temper in the morning rush. In my opinion it is usually kids who don't get ready on time in the morning, then start nagging their parents on the way to school that they will be late. Maybe they were stuck in traffic before in the car which is not the dads fault. Anyway we don't know the whole picture and to blame the dad entirely for what happened is a shitty and malicious attitude.

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/09/2017 13:42

I wouldn't say anything , he parented within the law and the boy was misbehaving.

zippey · 21/09/2017 13:44

His child, his rules surely?

I don't like smacking but it's not against the law.

GahBuggerit · 21/09/2017 13:47

OMG no-ones having a dig at the OP, just pointing out that if he is the sort of father who regularly hits his kid then its a possibility, more so than not, that he'd take his anger at being reported out on the kid. As in a "you made me hit you this morning and that woman saw and reported me because of it".

Alanna1 · 21/09/2017 13:48

I'd tell the school and my perception of the level of force used and where the force was applied too. I would keep it factual. I

StaplesCorner · 21/09/2017 13:49

Some frightening views on here, but its good to be fully aware that some people do hold them.

GahBuggerit · 21/09/2017 13:49

And for clarity I'm not saying OP was wrong for reporting at all in this situation, just that, IMO, it should have just been done quietly

Pallisers · 21/09/2017 13:58

Anyway we don't know the whole picture and to blame the dad entirely for what happened is a shitty and malicious attitude.

So you think it is perfectly fine to hit a child on the back of the head then. Is there anyone else you extend that to or is it just children?

Nazdarovye · 21/09/2017 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StigmaStyle · 21/09/2017 14:09

It can potentially put him in a very dire situation with the school, other parents and maybe his employers. He is probably a perfectly innocent everyday dad who lost his temper in the morning rush.

Plenty of us have lost our temper in the morning rush, and managed not to hit anyone on the head.

And I really do not like the idea that him getting into trouble is a good reason to minimise and brush it aside. That's what happened with abusive catholic priests, isn't it. And any number of abusers in the past who no one spoke up about because it could have ruined their career or family.

Of course what OP saw doesn't mean he is necessarily a terrible, consistent abuser. But it is a danger sign, and abusers are caught and children are protected when multiple people bother to care about and report what they saw and a picture is built up. If that's not what's going on here and it was a one-off, then his life will not be ruined.

Pallisers · 21/09/2017 14:19

That really doesn't surprise me Naz. It must be so much easier to hit or threaten to hit (smiley face and all) than actually use your brain. just like that dad.

vivaVasLagas · 21/09/2017 14:20

It really didn't take long for the misandrists to appear! First page.

I think I would report it to the school simply because it may be adding to a bigger picture although I don't have any issue whatsoever with what happened in this case, in isolation.

The issue I do have is the OP thinking she can dictate how another parent parents.

TabbyMumz · 21/09/2017 14:21

What nobody on here knows is the level of force used. Some people don't hit or smack their children ever. Some people smack their children as part of delivering discipline. Both are within the law and up to the parents involved. It's when a degree of force is used that could cause injury that it becomes a wrong thing to do and outside of the law. If he hit him with excessive force, causing his head to visibly move to one side for example, that's clearly wrong and worth reporting or stopping. If it was a light cuff across the head, I wouldn't report it, it's within acceptable levels and not against the law. If it was the latter I would not shout at a parent to "stop hitting your child"...not my business how they parent their child.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/09/2017 14:22

Pallisers have you been listening to it on the radio? I am obsessed with it at the moment. Sorry about the derail

TitaniasCloset · 21/09/2017 14:24

I think you did well to say that to him OP. Very brave of you and your saying it alone might make him think. I'm not sure if I would report it, probably not. But then I come from a background where it was fine to hit children, so perhaps it just takes more to shock me.

Pallisers · 21/09/2017 14:27

listening to what Bit?

Mittens1969 · 21/09/2017 14:28

Hitting a child on the head is never ok. And it clearly wasn't discipline. The dad lost his temper and retaliated. That is teaching his DS nothing, simply that the stronger one in a fight always wins.

If the dad had smacked the boy's hand I wouldn't advocate reporting it as that's perfectly legal, whatever we individually think about corporal punishment.

BlackeyedSusan · 21/09/2017 14:31

there is smacking on the hand legs or bum, which is sort of just about acceptable in extreme circumstances, (eg kid running in road or pushing another on the stairs) in the uk: but smacking round the head/face is not ever.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/09/2017 14:34

The Pallisers. It's an adaptation of the six books over 12 episodes on Radio 4Extra.

MrsMHasIt · 21/09/2017 14:35

Naz that was a horrible comment, what was the point of it?

StigmaStyle · 21/09/2017 14:39

When a child dies form abuse or starvation, no one shrugs and says it's none of their business. They're all horrified and often blame social workers for not preventing it.

It's all of our business to notice abuse happening and report it if we decide to make that call.

Headofthehive55 · 21/09/2017 15:05

My point is that you don't try and change behaviour in the street like that. As people have pointed out it could cause further harm down the line.
And if we are on the topic if harming children, we do know that having fat parents makes it more likely they pick up the eating habits of a fat person and so become fat, thus parents are not protecting their children by becoming fat themselves. The point is not harming children, and as I say you wouldn't go up to someone and start lecturing them re diet, nor should you go up to them and lecture them re smacking. The child was not injured it appeared , so no imedietate intervention needed. That's not to say a word at school might be in order.

Mrskeats · 21/09/2017 15:13

I salute you op for being brave and saying something and yes please report to safeguarding person at school.
Some of the comments on here demonstrate why abuse goes on and doesn't get reported. Abuse to kids is EVERYONE'S BUSINESS.
That's a bit rich loyalty suggesting that the op stay of it given the involvement you have had in your friend's dysfunctional marriage.