Saw a dad hit their child on the school run. Do I report it?

[Moanyoldcow]

Please tell me if I'm over reacting. I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son.

On the school run this morning there was a father and son who I see most mornings. They were a little late today and the boy was really agitated about it asking his dad to hurry. His dad was annoyed and kept saying they were very close (which is true) and to stop worrying.

The boy was obviously upset and pushed his dad. His dad responded by hitting him twice on the back of his head. It happened about 8ft in front of me.

I said (loudly but didn't shout) 'don't hit your child' twice. He turned to me and put his finger up to me like he was about to shout and I said again 'don't hit your child'. He was very angry but just said 'FINE' and we all finished the walk to school arriving about 1 min after the bell.

I know that parents can hit their children within limits so what he did wasn't illegal. I suppose I worry that if he'll do that in public, what does he do in private?

I would recognise him and the child so I could make a report - I just don't want to blow one incident out of proportion but if it's more I'd hate to ignore it.

What should I do?

The child was disrespectful with his dad. He got two smacks. So what?
I would stay out of it as it is none of your business how others raise their kids.
You sound a horrible, interfering, nosey busybody. I hope I don't know you in real life. Your name is apt.

But it may well be the poor kid dealing with with the repercussions.

Would have been far better to have just quietly reported and still be happy you did the right thing.

The Dad may just get better at hiding it now.

The point is that you may not be there to deal with the repercussions of what you did when you spoke out of turn.
If you mean repercussions only towards yourself or your son that is incredibly selfish.
The deed is done but maybe think twice next time before you publicly assert your assumed moral superiority.
To put it simply, and you don't have to answer this online, but please ask yourself:
"Did speaking like that to the father protect the child in any greater way than simply reporting it after the fact would have done?"

No, both PP are right - I didn't not think about the repercussions on the child in the moment - I was more concerned about what I had seen in that instant.

I obviously really hope that the boy does NOT suffer anything further. I would feel dreadful if that were the case.

@Nazdarovye - If I were an interfering busybody I wouldn't have thought twice about reporting and wouldn't have posted a thing. You definitely don't know be because no one I know what say anything like 'He got two smacks. So what?'. You think I sound horrible? You don't sound terribly nice yourself.

For those saying there may be repercussions for my having spoken out: I'm willing to deal with those should they arise.

It isn't you I was really worrying about so much. It's the child and the possible repercussions for him.

Intervening during the act to keep the child safe is one thing. The incident ended and then you told him off.

As you say, it is done now but angering someone who is already angry and taking it out on his child isn't really recommended.

Sorry OP. Cross posted.

OP I don't think most people think straight, when faced with something like that you just react. Despite my posts I do know that it is easier for me to say what I would do behind a computer screen.

The Dad may just get better at hiding it now.

Correct

He will also be ready for any investigation that comes - you gave him heads up
If it is abuse you will have inadvertently told the son that whenever people try to help it is him that will feel the repercussions.
For all you know this 9yo could've been two days away from a disclosure which would be worth 20 times you words or report to the school.
You may have now taught him the risks involved with speaking out are too high and put up and shut up is the best survival option.

With all suspected abuse do not approach the suspected abuser. Day one of child protection training. I'll say one last time - I don't think you meant to do harm, but you did the wrong thing. Don't do it again. By all means report anything you feel uncomfortable about, every time.

He may even stop disciplining the child at all.
i don't think your intervention was helpful either for the community, or the child, or indeed that family unit.

Behind publically told off as an adult is likely to create anger and may not be very successful in changing behaviour. Otherwise, why aren't you assertively speaking to people in the street who smoke, or indeed are fat?
Imagine some aspect of your parenting which falls below par, and someone public ally admonishing you for it.

You wont know if the boy does suffer more OP.

BUT look at it this way - the Dad walks the kid to school, the kid was moaning and pushed the Dad (so isn't totally afraid of him) and the Dad was saying not to worry instead of "Just STFU" or ignoring him. Everything up to the point of the smacks sounds totally fine so it might have just been a very, very off day that a chat and warning that things are being monitored from the safeguarding officer.

But for next time its really not a good idea to get involved during the incident IMO. Obviously unless it is somethig that needs to be stopped immediately.

When I read the title it thought that you meant with the car! But you are right, if he does that in public what does he do in private? As a child I saw parents who didn't so much as raise a finger in public hot their children with belts so brutally within the walls of their own home that the poor things couldn't sit down for days. You can never know by observing parents in public how they behave in their house. But if sonething has happened that makes you concerned then it is worth teller no the school so that they can keep a closer eye on the child.

In my observation abusive parents try to hide the abuse so there's no way an abusive parent would do the abuse on the street openly in plain view of everybody.
An abused child would never dare push his abusive dad because he knows there would be consequences to this later.
It sounds like the kid got out of line and pushed his dad who lost it and smacked him twice. No big deal.

I agree with Naz. Always suspicious of people who say if they do it in public whatt to they do in private. I always assume them to be quite inconsistent in their parenting approach themselves.

so there's no way an abusive parent would do the abuse on the street openly in plain view of everybody well isn't in great that you can speak for every parent who will ever abuse their child. I know parents who have thumped their child in the face in the middle of the street but it can't posse be abuse because it was in public?
I've seen kids dragged around a shop by their hair whilst being verbally abused but I'm sure it was just a bad day and they're awesome at home

Your comment is one of the most dangerous to believe in this whole thread

An abused child would never dare push his abusive dad because he knows there would be consequences to this later.
Some parent child relationships are volatile with inappropriate behaviour on both sides. It doesnt make it less abusive if this Dad is hitting his child

I think your comparing apples and oranges sleeping

From the little you posted I sort of get the impression that the father isn't regularly abusive as such just a bit stressed at the time (as was the son). That is no excuse and I would have felt the same as you (and done the same as you) but it does mean that perhaps he will regret his actions later and that fact that someone clearly witnessed it will embarrass him enough to ensure he doesn't do it again.

Reporting it to school seems the best idea as it's fairly low key but they do have a duty of care to the child.

Volatile and abusive you mean MrsM?
Its still lull fruit. If the parwbt child dynamic is the child acts out physically and the parent responds with increased violence that is still abusive. Maybe he just needs help controlling the child behaviour or anger manangment. But saying you look the other way cost a 7 year old started it is not ok

It sounds like the kid got out of line and pushed his dad who lost it and smacked him twice. No big deal.
No big deal that the Dad ""lost it"" and escalated the physical violence? So if his son hits him his dad is ok to lose it and beat him?

It's would be extremely upsetting to see a child hit on the head, but am I the only one who thinks that if the son was bold enough to push his dad, he is unlikely to be being abused. Doesn't sound like a kid who is scared or cowered.

Dad was still in the wrong though, but I'm not sure I would report it as I'd probably take the view that having a stranger intervene would mean he's unlikely to do it again and there isn't much there to suggest his son is abused.

The dad had enough control to not turn his anger on you when you did intervene and probably realised he was in the wrong.

What did the boy do after he was hit?

Those posters, I hope you aren't ever assaulted in the street, I wouldn't be able to tell another adult to stop assaulting you.

Again, you can't "tell" other adults what to do and your intervention wouldn't always be appreciated for example like what Darcey said upthread when she tried to help someone. Most adults can handle themselves and many don't like interfering do gooders who can't mind their own business. If it's a disabled person I'd intervene but not otherwise

I'm torn on this and I won't apologise for it. I've already said upthread that I personally disagree with corporal punishment but I also disagree with the state getting over involved in day to day parenting issues

I agree with this and Heather Brooke (investigative journalist who discovered the MPs expenses scandal) wrote about it and how the Every Child Matters campaign went OTT and put thousands of ordinary parents on to Childrens Services' radar unnecessarily and unfairly. Anyone who's ever seen a CAF form knows how highly intrusive it is and I'll never understand why some people think more authority is the answer to everything.

Not saying the man the OP saw today shouldn't be investigated

In my observation abusive parents try to hide the abuse so there's no way an abusive parent would do the abuse on the street openly in plain view of everybody.

My parents abused me in public and private, no differentiation at all.

I saw an upsetting incident outside DS's school recently (mother verbally and physically abusing daughter) and reported it to the headteacher. I have no regrets and feel that I did the right thing. It could have been an isolated incident, it could have been indicative of something more serious, but that's not for me to judge. I just reported what I saw.

No big deal that the Dad ""lost it"" and escalated the physical violence? So if his son hits him his dad is ok to lose it and beat him?

I would have guessed almost all parents lose it sometimes. I certainly know I have.
Agree hitting on the head is a bit different to a smack on the bum, but one incident does not make him an abuser.

Then again the school may already be aware of other incidents. Don't know OP. Only you can really judge how violent what you saw was.

An abused child would never dare push his abusive dad because he knows there would be consequences to this later.

Wow, so many misconceptions on this thread!

Everybody parents differently and often it's hard to say which way is the better way, if there is a better way. That doesn't mean hurting someone badly is ok. However I would be very cautious before reporting someone, as I'd hate for a family to be split up for what could be a one off cuff round the ear or very low level hitting. For sure if I saw someone really hurting a child unnecessarily, I would be concerned and report it, but a small cuff on the head, probably not.