Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants money for bed

189 replies

TouretteNanna · 20/09/2017 19:32

Hi.
Last year a friend was going through some hard times and she had to downsize. She rented from me (below market rates) and I was happy to help her until she got on her feet which she did.

When she left I helped her to dismantle furniture/clean/sort etc. She had a spare bed that wasn't needed and told me I could have it -she also said it was the least she could do/had nowhere to store it etc etc.

We stored it Ina garage and we're planning to put DS in it but we've since decided to get a double bed with storage

I posted the bed locally on some selling sites and my friend has seen it (I haven't heard from her in weeks) and posted

" I noticed you selling my bed and the interest innit online. I hope you'll be fair and give me the proceeds of the sale."

Am I wrong in thinking when you are given something and no longer need it you give it away or sell to move on? The bed was gifted to me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SeedyM · 21/09/2017 18:05

I personally wouldn't sell anything that had been given to me to use without at least talking to the person who gave it to make sure they didn't mind. I've given stuff free on local groups only to find its been sold on and I find it upsetting that someone has taken advantage of what I hoped was a generous act. However, under your particular circumstances if I were her I would be happy for you to sell on had I been asked.

Howlongtilldinner · 21/09/2017 18:09

I'm a giver..I have spent my life doing it and have 'luckily' found some very very kind takers! Unfortunately as I've got older I'm not so giving, I think this is a lesson learned OP.

You certainly don't need friends like thatShock

kaitlinktm · 21/09/2017 18:27

I'm a terrible friend and nobody forced me to give her a rental discount

And nobody forced her to take it. Nobody forced her to leave a bed with you - but she was happy for you to store it for her for free and to advertise it for sale and do all the donkey work. I think I know who's the terrible friend.

howrudeforme · 21/09/2017 18:32

I see one side. She helped out a friend to her own economic detriment (lower than market rent). Friend gave her the bed mainly as she didn't want it/not forking out for storage.

Op thought she'd have use for it in the future but 9 months on didn't. She's selling her bed on her terms. Tell the friend to get lost.

Op sell it and enjoy the proceeds.

expatinscotland · 21/09/2017 18:33

Grin Allthebest

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/09/2017 18:35

I would not personally publically sell something someone else gave me to be honest / you walked into this one !

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2017 18:42

I'd send expats response if anything at all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2017 18:43

No good deed goes unpunished.

Doesitfit88 · 21/09/2017 18:58

How petty, I would be tempted to be petty back and sell the bed for £10 to only be paid for with penny's and tell her to pick up the profit ASAP

TheLittleShirt · 21/09/2017 19:09

Reminds me of my DH friend. When he moved into his flat we give him our old sofa and armchairs, dinning tables and chairs and loads of other stuff. He never offered us a penny, which was fine. Then last week he asked if my DP could take his old tv shellf to the tip for him, Hubblie asked if he could keep it and mate said in all seriousness "It's your's for a tenner". I know that you don't give to receive but wtaf! Needless to say hubbie declined the offer.

Mammy2myboy · 21/09/2017 19:10

Cheeky mare! It was all well and good when you were storing it for her. If I gave a bed to someone I most certainly would not be offended if they went on to sell it. Obviously I wouldn't want it anymore so what would it matter. That's just greed on her part.

Mxyzptlk · 21/09/2017 19:16

I don't understand people saying they'd ask the giver before getting rid of something they were given.
If I've given a piece of furniture to someone, it's up to them what they do with it.
If it wasn't on loan, it's yours.

icelollycraving · 21/09/2017 19:18

I'm the opposite of most on here. I think selling something given without offering it back is really grabby. If I pass on baby stuff I ask that if they don't want it I can take it to the charity shop. When discussing this with a friend she was flabbergasted that people would consider selling it perfectly normal and ok.
You didn't have to offer her the discounted rent and it was kind of you to do so.
I really think I would have offered it back or left it festering in the garage indefinitely.

Lovingit81 · 21/09/2017 19:23

Tell her to go screw herself. Sell it for all you can and treat yourself. Cheeky bitch!

Maireadplastic · 21/09/2017 19:23

'No good deed goes unpunished'.
Horrible phrase, as bad as 'no smoke without fire'.

melj1213 · 21/09/2017 20:24

To me it comes down to the difference between an item being given as an outright gift - where the giver has no right to dictate how it is used or whether it is thrown out or profited from - or is being given on the understanding that if the "giftee" ever finds themselves needing/wanting to get rid of it then the "gifter" gets first refusal on getting it back (which is something that should be clearly communicated when the gifter offers the item in the first place).

An item with no sentimental/heirloom value would fall in the former category for me. Once someone gifts any item it becomes the property of the person who owns it and therefore they have the right to do whatever they wish with it - whether it's a decorative vase or a four poster bed.

There are some things that I would never sell without checking with the person who gave them to me because they were either family heirlooms that were gifted on the understanding it was a "long term loan" rather than an outright gift (and if it became surplus to requirements it should be offered back to family first) or they were items where there was a common understanding that they were communally owned rather than owned by the person they happen to be currently residing with.

For example, in my family any good quality baby and kids clothes/toys get used and then offered to the next family member on the understanding that when they are finished with them they will also pass them to the next person, and so on and so forth (My 2yr old nephew currently has some toys that belonged to his 27 year old dad when he was a child but between the two of them the toys have been played with by about 11 or 12 siblings and cousins). Nobody would dream of selling anything unless it was a situation where someone has items handed down that were still in good condition, their child was now far too big for them, nobody else had a need for them (or would in the near future) and in that case they'd probably offer them to family first and then spend the proceeds on replacing them with age appropriate clothes/toys they needed, that would then go into the family pool in the future.

Acromantula · 21/09/2017 21:08

Better off without those kind of friends! She is definitely a CF!

nellieellie · 21/09/2017 21:20

Mmmm, I think it would have been different if the OP had used it for a few years and then sold it on. But, if someone gives you something free on the basis that it will be useful to you, and is doing you a favour, then I think it's a bit grabby to decide you don't want it after all, but sell it. I'd naturally revert back to the person who gave it to me to say I don't need it after all - do they want it back? I get that the OP did this person a favour re the rent, but I don't see that altering the situation.

Wholovesorangesoda · 21/09/2017 21:34

I'm not really sure in this positiin. Personally I wouldn't be thrilled if I gave someone something and they were getting money for it because it seems a bit cheeky in my opinion

Abbylee · 21/09/2017 21:38

I sold my brother my car for far less than value. He never finished paying for it bc i "didn't need the money"
I thought that I was doing a good turn and of course we needed the money. He then boasted to me that he sold it for a great profit. I still get angry. I would have sold it/kept it but he said that he needed it.

I did not think that I was giving it to him. Perhaps if he had fully paid the small price, I would not have been hurt.

Is this completely off topic?

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 21/09/2017 21:41

I think it's cheeky in your part.

Leapfrog44 · 21/09/2017 21:53

I think it's terrible form to sell something someone has given you, although it's also bad form to dump a bed on someone when you have no storage, if that's what she did.

You should have offered it back to her before trying to sell it. If she was unable to collect or doesn't want it then you have free reign to sell it.

pid2000 · 21/09/2017 21:54

It wasn't gifted ...it was left because she didn't want it and couldn't be bothered to shift/store it but either way it is now yours so you can do what you want with it.
I recently sold a load of the children's old toys they don't want anymore.....am I supposed to remember who gifted them (on birthdays, Christmas etc) and give them the money??
The bed is yours so sell it, burn it, give it away the choice, as they say, (and any proceeds) is all yours :)

Leapfrog44 · 21/09/2017 21:54

You're 100% in the wrong for not offering it back first.

existentialmoment · 21/09/2017 21:55

She's really not. You're 100% in the wrong if you expect gifts to be given back to you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread