Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants money for bed

189 replies

TouretteNanna · 20/09/2017 19:32

Hi.
Last year a friend was going through some hard times and she had to downsize. She rented from me (below market rates) and I was happy to help her until she got on her feet which she did.

When she left I helped her to dismantle furniture/clean/sort etc. She had a spare bed that wasn't needed and told me I could have it -she also said it was the least she could do/had nowhere to store it etc etc.

We stored it Ina garage and we're planning to put DS in it but we've since decided to get a double bed with storage

I posted the bed locally on some selling sites and my friend has seen it (I haven't heard from her in weeks) and posted

" I noticed you selling my bed and the interest innit online. I hope you'll be fair and give me the proceeds of the sale."

Am I wrong in thinking when you are given something and no longer need it you give it away or sell to move on? The bed was gifted to me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 20/09/2017 21:50

Was about to say the same, Donate the cash to a charity and post the receipt on Facebook for all too see and tag her in it..

existentialmoment · 20/09/2017 21:52

Sorry, but it really pisses me off when I give somebody something and they sell it. I gave a friend some stuff, she sold it , and I was there when the woman come round to collect it. I don't care that she didn't want it, I was just annoyed that she hadn't offered it back to me first

Then you didn't GIVE it to them, you lent it, and you should have said so. It pisses me off when people pretend to give you something but actually want it back.

balsamicbarbara · 20/09/2017 21:55

So existentialmoment if you give someone a nice gift for their birthday, say, and the next day you see them flogging it on the local FB group you're not going to be the slightest bit narked off?

Dadddi · 20/09/2017 21:55

Sorry, but it really pisses me off when I give somebody something and they sell it

So if they don't want it anymore should they have to store it at their house forever and ever?

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 21:57

'So existentialmoment if you give someone a nice gift for their birthday, say, and the next day you see them flogging it on the local FB group you're not going to be the slightest bit narked off?'

Nope. I gave it to them. They can throw it out, sell it, give it to someone else. It's a gift.

Phalenopsisgirl · 20/09/2017 21:58

I would always ask before selling something given like that, 99% of the time the person will so no go ahead, but it is polite to ask

existentialmoment · 20/09/2017 21:59

So existentialmoment if you give someone a nice gift for their birthday, say, and the next day you see them flogging it on the local FB group you're not going to be the slightest bit narked off?

Not really, it's not mine anymore, so nothing to do with me. But this isn't a nice birthday gift, this is a ratty old bed that they didn't want, and gave to someone that they owed big time, so your analogy is pretty off the mark anyway.

balsamicbarbara · 20/09/2017 22:01

Well that's fair enough then. In our house we put up paintings or get out vases and other knick knacks we were given that we don't like whenever the giver is coming round and then store them away again when they leave. It seems the kind thing to do.

blackteasplease · 20/09/2017 22:02

I think I might give her 50:50. But no more than that.

mumtri · 20/09/2017 22:02

Pay me £20 as a removal fee and then send her the bill

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/09/2017 22:07

I think yabu tbh. I would be a bit Hmm if I gave someone a decent bed free of charge supposedly because their son needed one and then I saw them trying to sell it.
She may also view the rental situation differently to you. You obviously had no tenants so maybe she felt she was helping you out.
I wouldn't have asked for the proceeds of the sale but I wouldn't be in a hurry to give you anything else.

existentialmoment · 20/09/2017 22:11

You cannot be serious?

This is one of those threads where sane people one would have said that nobody could possibly say X, and then people come on and say not only X but bizarre Y as well.

Bonkers.

GirlcalledJames · 20/09/2017 22:12

Gift has been used as a verb and invite as a noun since the 1600s, in case it was a genuine question.

PenelopeFlintstone · 20/09/2017 22:18

I'll sell it and gift the money to Shelter. And hope get a receipt which I will mail on to her.
Noooooooo! Don't do this and don't listen to the spiteful answers on this. She's probably broke and that can make us do grabby things that we might cringe about later. You were kind before; be kind again! Remember not to let other people's acts change the kind of person you want to be.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/09/2017 22:19

I think the op has worded it very much to make the friend sound unreasonable but regardless of what anyone says if they gave someone something for free because they said they needed it most people I know would raise an eyebrow at the person they gave it to making money from it rather than using it for themselves.
I'm not sure why people are describing it as a 'scabby bed' either. Firstly the op wanted it for her son. Then she decided to sell it rather than send it to the top and it has had lots of interest and been sold so it's presumably a fairly nice bed.
The decent thing to do imo when the op realised she wouldn't be using it for her son would have been to ask the friend what she wanted to do and whether she wanted it back. The friend may well have then said the op could sell it or do what she liked if she had no means of collecting it which would have avoided any ill feeling.

user1468353179 · 20/09/2017 22:19

Dadddi, it was a stairgate that I didn't need anymore, plus a few other baby things. If she didn't need them any more then why not pass them on, not sell them.

Dadddi · 20/09/2017 22:22

Dadddi, it was a stairgate that I didn't need anymore, plus a few other baby things. If she didn't need them any more then why not pass them on, not sell them

Ok, fair one, but having brought and sold and given away babi stuff in the past it's far easier to list it and flog it then look for people who will take stuff off your hands for free. I take your point though.

notangelinajolie · 20/09/2017 22:24

Tell her to come and collect it. She can sell it herself - it will save your the faff.

PenelopeFlintstone · 20/09/2017 22:27

Notangelina - that sounds much more sane than some posters!

GardenGeek · 20/09/2017 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarklahMarklah · 20/09/2017 22:43

I can sort of see where the friend is coming from as it was something she gave to you, so she feels a sense of 'ownership', albeit misplaced.

I only say this as a couple of years ago I spent some considerable time making a pair of unique earrings for a friend (or rather someone who was a friend at the time). I customised them to her likes in terms of theme and colour. Around 6 months later, I saw that she was selling them online. Now obviously they were hers to do with as she wished, but I did feel rather annoyed that this was something I'd put a lot of effort into being effectively thrown away.

It didn't help that a few months later she tried to sell some items of mine she was holding (clothing, that she had offered to sew for me), also on line. I queried this and she said it was a mistake, and she'd drop the things over. I'm still waiting.

Doglikeafox · 20/09/2017 22:50

I've sold two things recently that had been gifted to me. With both items I messaged the original gift-giver and asked if they would like it back, or if they were OK for me to try and sell it on now we no longer had use for it.
Both friends said they were more than happy for me to sell it on- one recommended a friend to sell to!
The point being it would have been nice for you to text and ask her first, but she is cheeky and rude to expect to get the proceeds and you were in no way entitled to share that you were selling the bed with her.

yorkshireyummymummy · 20/09/2017 23:04

Personally I would email her and say that yes, of course she can have the money from the sale of the bed. I would also attach to the email an invoice for the total ammount of rent she WOULD have paid minus the ammount she did pay. I would say that in light of her house sale she can now afford to pay you this and if you don't receive payment in .14 days you will be serving a writ through the small claims court.
She's a CF of the highest degree. She has used you dreadfully- she didn't offer to pay you the difference in the rent you lost when she released her house funds and yet she expects you to store a scabby bed for months on end, arrange the disposal of it and give her the money!! Is she for real?? She GAVE you the bed. She didn't attach any caveats to it. She is no friend of yours, she is a cheeky user who has taken quite happily and feels no moral responsibility for the financial hit you took to help her.
If you don't want to do this then I would dump it in her lawn while she is in the bloody Caribbean.
and I would advise mutual friends never to help her financially as she is a taker.

Ceto · 20/09/2017 23:05

Things like this are exactly the kind of thing that people bitch about for pretty much the rest of your life if you live in a small town

How sad would you have to be to bitch about something like this for decades on end? I can't see for the life of me why anyone would care for one moment about the opinions of people like that - in my experience they have no friends and end up as embittered lonely people with nothing to do but bitch to their cats.

ScarlettSahara · 21/09/2017 00:52

In answer to the original question, I think it depends on the nature of the item given. If it was something that had obviously been made for me or chosen with care then I would not sell it even if I thought it was hideous.
On the other hand if it was a bed that was no longer wanted and the giver had no space for it & had made it clear that I deserved it after all I had done for them, I would not worry about selling it and would be taken aback at being asked to now give money for it or comments implying that I was a chav. To me that would say something about the nature of the friend (grabby).