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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants money for bed

189 replies

TouretteNanna · 20/09/2017 19:32

Hi.
Last year a friend was going through some hard times and she had to downsize. She rented from me (below market rates) and I was happy to help her until she got on her feet which she did.

When she left I helped her to dismantle furniture/clean/sort etc. She had a spare bed that wasn't needed and told me I could have it -she also said it was the least she could do/had nowhere to store it etc etc.

We stored it Ina garage and we're planning to put DS in it but we've since decided to get a double bed with storage

I posted the bed locally on some selling sites and my friend has seen it (I haven't heard from her in weeks) and posted

" I noticed you selling my bed and the interest innit online. I hope you'll be fair and give me the proceeds of the sale."

Am I wrong in thinking when you are given something and no longer need it you give it away or sell to move on? The bed was gifted to me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
TouretteNanna · 20/09/2017 19:52

DragonMummy
Great idea

I'll sell it and gift the money to Shelter. And hope get a receipt which I will mail on to her.

Thank you.

OP posts:
coddiwomple · 20/09/2017 19:52

I would tell her to come and pick it up, but that as a gesture of good will, I wouldn't charge her storage fees.

The bloody cheek! She tells you to keep her crap, and then expect money for it? If you give something to someone, it's theirs to do what they wish- use, burn, give or sell. If you put conditions, then it's not a gift and as far as I am concerned, they can keep it.

hidinginthenightgarden · 20/09/2017 19:53

As a good will I would offer to split it 50:50 with the explanation that "we lost a large amount of cash when you rented and intended to recoup the costs this way I am sure you understand that this was a logical business move". OR something to that effect. She should know that she took from you and is still taking.

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 19:55

When you give something away that's the end of it. It's a gift. What the person does with it is their remit. There's no 'two sides', she gave it as a gift. So she's being a CF. I would not bother answering her and would honestly swerve her entirely.

PurpleTango · 20/09/2017 19:56

Tell her the bed is in the way and you need it gone by tomorrow. She is welcome to come and collect it but if you done hear from her by (insert) the bed will be sold or given away to the first person who shows an interest. Cheeky cow!

bettytaghetti · 20/09/2017 19:56

@DesignedForLife, you're clearly not my SIL!

HidingUnderARock · 20/09/2017 19:56

Tell her its in the front garden. She can collect within 7 days and pay storage (which is bloody expensive) or stfu.

Original poster
TouretteNanna · 20/09/2017 19:57

Expat- I had started to drift anyway as it's a shame but since she's on the way up again I'm clearly not needed.

You never stop learning.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 19:58

She gave it to you. You're selling it. Why on Earth do you feel any compunction about that? Or have to give it charity or split proceeds with her. She's a CF.

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 19:59

Cancel the cheque! The OP has stated that someone has already agreed to buy it! So no 'come and get it'.

She's a user, Tourette. More front than Blackpool.

MsWanaBanana · 20/09/2017 20:01

She gifted it to you at the time as she didn't need it and didn't want to pay to store it. You've kept it for 9 months. TBH it was yours from the moment she said you could have it. What you do with it from that point on is non of her business. You don't owe her any money. I like the Shelter idea but if you need the money for yourself, you are well within your rights to keep the whole amount.

Original poster
TouretteNanna · 20/09/2017 20:02

Expat-I've had my head in the sand. You are right. There's quite a bit I'm missing out here (fear of identification) the guilt is subsiding.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 20/09/2017 20:04

I agree expat, Nanna shouldn't have to. I was just going from the perspective that sometimes in life isn't worth the fight.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/09/2017 20:05

I wouldn't have sold it. I'd have text her to say we didn't actually need it & wanted rid the space back, so did she want to collect it or should you pass it on. I personally think that's the polite thing, but I know others think once it's yours it's yours.

She's astoundingly rude though, after all you did for her, to be so fucking petty over a few quid from a bed when she doesn't need the bed or the money.

If you really aren't worth her time now she's sorted, then text her back 'Sure 😊Minus the storage cost, the electric, water, food etc when you stayed with us Hmm'

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 20:05

' I was just going from the perspective that sometimes in life isn't worth the fight.'

There's no fight unless the 'mate' wants to shit stir. She's a CF who can be swerved or ignored.

ALittleMop · 20/09/2017 20:12

oh ......just seen Caribbean hols, subsequent blanking further to significant helping out and 9 months.

Donation to Shelter sounds like a good call.

Justgivemesomepeace · 20/09/2017 20:16

I wouldn't be comfortable profiting from a gift from a friend. Just doesn't sit right with me. I would've checked with her first if she wanted it back.

dustarr73 · 20/09/2017 20:17

Yes come and collect 5he bed and bring the rest of the rent money and storage fees.

Some people are all take, take .At least you know what's she's really like

Aeroflotgirl · 20/09/2017 20:18

Designed what would you do with something you don't need. Put it in the tip! Seems a waste, good that op sell it and it's put to use.

pictish · 20/09/2017 20:19

Yanbu - telling her to come and get the bed was the perfect response. What a brass fucking neck she's got. I hate people like that.

kali110 · 20/09/2017 20:20

Cheeky cow, After what you did for her!
You've said she can collect it, if not no she doesn't deserve any of the momey.

AFewThings · 20/09/2017 20:20

I would have told her that I didn't need the bed first, before thinking of giving it away or selling it on. Then she has first choice and you can have a "chat" about it. Perhaps offer to give her the proceeds, share it, or go out for a meal together on it, something like that. If I gave something to someone I thought they needed and then they "sold" it and kept the money I would actually be a bit Hmm. Its not worth losing a friendship over it, though her message was unnecessarily 'pointed'. Maybe ring her and have a chat about it and ask her if she would like the proceeds. Its not worth losing a friendship over unless this is a catalogue of probs in the friendship

expatinscotland · 20/09/2017 20:22

'. If I gave something to someone I thought they needed and then they "sold" it and kept the money I would actually be a bit hmm.'

If you have to put conditions on a gift, then it's not a gift. And this person has used the OP according to her later post, this isn't worth saving.

easterholidays · 20/09/2017 20:23

The only way I can see it sympathetically from the friend's point of view is if she would have sold the bed, but thought OP needed it and so decided she would give it to her for free as thanks for the help she'd given her. Under those circumstances if she then saw the OP selling it she might think "oh, I could have got a few quid for it after all" and feel a bit aggrieved. But even under those circumstances she shouldn't have sent you that message, OP. I agree with PPs, sell the bed, ignore the message, move on.

AFewThings · 20/09/2017 20:24

I wouldn't say it was a "gift" like a perfume or box of chocs on someone's birthday ... to me its different.

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