Neighbour Vs Nurse. Who was wrong?

[SlimedShit]

My elderly neighbour is upset as she's just had a run in with her nurse. The nurse visits her every night to give insulin. Tonight neighbour says that when nurse arrived, she stunk of garlic. She said "have you been eating garlic?" Nurse replies "yes, can you smell?"

Following exchange ...

Neighbour "yes it stinks"
Nurse "laughs" "that's the problem with garlic I suppose"
Neighbour "it's a horrible smell, it's making me feel sick"
Nurse "really? Nobody else has mentioned it"
Neinighbour "yes well they're too polite. It really does stink"
Nurse "ok, are you ready for your insulin?"
Neighbour "you should think about your patients before eating stuff like that"
Nurse "I disagree. The majority of nurses go above and beyond to please their patients and if we started getting told what we could and couldn't eat I'd leave to be honest."
Neighbour "I don't think it's a lot to ask that you respect your patients and not make them feel sick"
Nurse "I feel that dictating what a person can and cannot eat is a huge ask personally. I certainly wouldn't change my eating habits to please someone else"

The visit ended and nurse left. Neighbour is now in tears at the way she was spoken to. I feel for her but also think she was out of order!! She basically told this poor woman that she smelt horrible. I told neighbour I could see both sides but the nurse should have been more professional and not do narky. Neighbour is now upset with me! AIBU to think she caused this by being rude?

lougle in preparation for an operation my elderly mum had to have injections of something at home - can't remember what. It was usually around 5 or 6pm. On this particular day she'd invited me over and was going to cook a special meal for me and the nurse, who I guess was on a tight schedule, didn't arrive until about 7.30pm.

My mum was embarrassingly and uncharacteristically ratty with her. The nurse continued to be pleasant and businesslike and was on her way in 15 minutes. Ostensibly it was about the nurse messing up our evening, but the underlying thing was that my mum was worried about her operation. I'm pretty sure the nurse knew that and brushed it off.

Chardonnay dementia is completely different but we arent talking about dementia with this lady are we? At least I haven't read that anywhere?

No, OP didn't say that she had.

Sadly it's a condition which affects many elderly people and sadly not one knows how they will behave if they have it.

I know alot about dementia and of course its uncontrollable but the op hasn't stated that this lady has it, so its irrelevant really.

Exactly, limited there is often an underlying cause. I've cared for someone before who wouldn't cooperate at all with their care for anyone. It was life-threatening. It took a while, but after a frank but gentle conversation, we got to the bottom of the issue and made a way forward, which meant the patient would accept their treatment. I wasn't any better than any other nurse, I'd just seen that they weren't refusing treatment because they didn't want treatment, or to be difficult, or cantankerous, etc. Sometimes the behaviour we see is a world away from the reason for it.

And yes I do know how I will be thank you!

What a silly thing to say Mama234. My father had Alzheimer's. In his lucid moments he would weep with shame at the things the illness made him do and say. The windows of lucidity became smaller and smaller until one day he was gone. But he was at peace because he didn't know anything any more and the illness couldn't hurt him. Just us.

That kind if comment about stinky breath strikes me as the inhibition of dementia. Of course, she might just be a horrible old cow. I don't know. I do know that you are deluded though.

Mama

Thank god you stopped working in the care sector

Why is that Christina?

Limitedperiod what are u talking about? I'm not saying about me having Alzheimer's when I am older though am I when describing I wouldn't be rude, Stop making out I am saying something I am simply not.

Christina's, I would rather have Mama234 bedside manner than yours.

Thank you daydreamer x

Unfortunately being verbally and physically attacked by people who are suffering from dementia is part and parcel of the job , however I never blame the person with dementia . I do try to look at how the situation arose , was there something different I could have done , were there other issues at play , such as pain . Pain is a big one , especially with people who are no longer able to verbalise it , yet may be giving off non verbal cues by the bucket load .

Perhaps OP is the neighbour?

The neighbour was VERY rude. The nurse wasn't even rude at all?!

The nurse was rude by being smelly.

Mama

If you have left your job because you have had plates thrown at you then the service has failed you and the service user. That's why good care provider deliver training to understand " behaviour that challenges the service,", so that the care worker works in a Person centred way and understands the trigger points of each individual

I am formerly a Beauty Therapist and part of our training was that we should be careful what we ate prior to an appointment for just this reason. The work of medical staff requires close contact and as a matter of courtesy they should perhaps think carefully about what they eat. I am now a private tutor and am very careful not to eat any garlic, onions etc. etc. before teaching 1-1 as again I am in close contact with children. Although the nurse was not actually wrong, it seems only courtesy to me.

Working with paying customers is different. If you smell they employ someone else so yes you'd be careful if you wanted your business to succeed.

And its all very well saying dont eat something smelly just before seeing a client but my MIL says she can tell if someone has eaten garlic the night before. So where do you draw the line of an acceptable timeframe.

Working with paying customers is different. If you smell they employ someone else so yes you'd be careful if you wanted your business to succeed.

So NHS patients deserve less courtesy because they can't fire you?

An nhs nurse probably works 8 hours, 5 days a week. i'm guessing private tutors dont generally. So are they not supposed to eat garlic for a five day block? Literally every evening meal i eat has garlic in it.

But actually yes. If someone is coming in my house, for a five min appt, to assist me free of charge i'm going to cut them more slack on the garlic front than if im paying for an hour massage.

So paying customers deserve better care?

You do know we are all paying for the NHS?

No shit? However paying taxes does not make service users paying customers with the right to dictate a nurses diet. Just doesn't.

I think your neighbour sounds like an awfully rude woman with no social skills whatsoever.
Instead of sitting at home and waiting to insult the help when it arrives, maybe she should get out and meet some people? It might help her to be less insulting and antisocial.