Not to feel vulnerable as a woman

[Ribrabrob]

Before I start I hope this isn't a fiery subject and I absolutely do not mean to offend anybody.

I see and hear a lot of comments (a lot on here) about women who feel vulnerable because they are, indeed, female. I consider myself very lucky to say that I have never once felt vulnerable or unsafe because I am a woman. I've travelled to foreign countries alone, walked alone late at night in not so desirable areas etc and have never once felt unsafe or as though it's something I shouldn't be doing.

This is absolutely not a 'stealth' because as I said I consider myself lucky to feel this way and completely understand many womanay feel vulnerable in certain situations because of past incidents, assaults, rapes etc and this will of course affect someone's outlook.

I guess my question is not aibu or whether others are bu because people are entitled to feel how they do, but I just find this interesting. Do you feel vulnerable being female? If so why? If not, why? and whilst she shouldn't have to do this, should a woman ever think twice about doing certain things (ie walking down a dark alley) because they are female?

I have never been sexual assaulted or had any problems before. When I wrote that on MN before people stated that this couldn't possibly be true.

Que said:

"good luck to women who think theyre not vulnerable - so it must only be the ones who FEEL vulnerable who get attacked - because women who dont feel vulnerable dont get attacked"

Errrrr? No one said anything of the sort!
You are projecting massively.

I am small and presumably could be overcome easily. but I take care

Why bother taking care of you're not vulnerable?

I don't think it's about gender. My brother (not overly tall at 5'10" but has a muscular build) has been attacked by a group of lads without provocation. And my DH (tall at 6'4" but a bit nerdy-looking) has been verbally abused / threatened by both men and women as he's walked by minding his own business. I've also been catcalled / groped while I've been minding my own business, and been beaten up by an abusive ex-BF. Anyone can be a target / victim. My brother was no match for 5 drunk men, and my DH wouldn't be a match for a more muscular man (or an aggressive woman). I suspect he's more intimidated by rowdy groups of men than I am tbh.
But none of us spend our time feeling vulnerable or looking for danger where there is none. I feel a bit wary walking down dark alleys on my own, but no more so than most men I know. I didn't feel particularly vulnerable when I've been hitchhiking in years gone by or when I've travelled around South Asia on my own.

I don't feel vulnerable because my decision making and risk assessment is reasonable, I think.
But on a day to day, month to month basis, I don't need to think about it. I go where I want, walk home if I want to.
I don't feel particularly vulnerable.

I feel like that's not ok. Like you want me to admit to feeling vulnerable. Am I supposed to be. Is that default position that you want?

Maybe you Have a different view of what vunerable means?

Taking care doesn't make you vulnerable. It makes you sensible.

Are we all at risk of being attacked? Equally so? Men women and children? Presumably so? Anyone could be attacked. Women more do than men? Probably. Strength for starters.

But none of who go anywhere if we weren't careful.

Maybe I read the OP wrongly.
She asked if I felt vulnerable. I answered no. Nor particularly.

But that seems to be the wrong 'MN' answer.

I have had times when I felt vulnerable, particular situations when younger if a new boyfriend was drunk and seemed like he could have got nasty, or when I was a teenager walking about on my own and a guy was calling me to get in his truck, or when I worked late in a European city going home past gangs of aggressive men at the bus terminus. I think you need to judge time and place. I will walk home in the dark at my house because my greatest risk is being hit by a car, its an area where our worst crime this year has been a teen got lightly mugged by another. You are not vulnerable everywhere but we all know the activities that put us more at risk including our choice of male company and level of drunkenness. Men also can be vulnerable in situations like I described above by on balance, the thread of cultural misogyny contributes an aggravating factor where women are concerned.

Oblovmov I don't feel vulnerable either - never have just because I'm a woman. "weak and without protection" or "exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally" couple of dictionary definitions there.

I have taken care to avoid known no-go areas when travelling or out at night but would have done that as a man also. I am happy to have workmen in the house alone with me - men do not automatically intimidate me and I am tiny.

YANBU.

I have been cycle touring all over the world solo including many places of the beaten track. If anything, I have found people are more trustful or willing to help me (or let me help them) because I am female.

Are people genuinely afraid of all men including the plumber? This has never occurred to me. I always enjoy it when workmen come to our house, bustling, cheery whistles and loud radio included. How sad and difficult to be afraid of half of everyone you meet.

Yes Dolly, that's exactly what we were saying. How sad indeed.

As a runner who runs really early in the morning as I simply don't have the time and the energy in the evenings, I've been chased up the road by some drunk guys who thought it was funny to chase a female jogger. Fortunately, they were too drunk and beer-bellied to make it up the hill faster than me.
I've been chased by an SUV full of drunk morons and booed in the face.
I felt fucking vulnerable and I knew pretty well they'd never do this to a male jogger.
So yeah, I feel vulnerable as a woman and don't feel like I should be ashamed to admit it or that it makes me look weak.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/compendium/focusonviolentcrimeandsexualoffences/yearendingmarch2016/overviewofviolentcrimeandsexualoffences - Go to section 9 of this recent report by the ONS on violent and sexual crime in the UK

Men were more likely to be a victim of violent crime measured by the face-to-face Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) interview than women (2.2% of males compared with 1.4% of females1, Figure 1.8)2, with stranger violence showing the largest difference in victimisation between men and women (1.2% compared with 0.4%).

The children’s element of the survey, covering respondents aged 10 to 15, showed that boys were more likely than girls to have experienced violent crime (7.3% compared with 4.2%)

For all the publicity that violence against women gets in all the situations you have described you are still far less vulnerable than a man is.

Are people genuinely afraid of all men including the plumber? This has never occurred to me. I always enjoy it when workmen come to our house, bustling, cheery whistles and loud radio included. How sad and difficult to be afraid of half of everyone you meet.

Yeah, I'm not really sure how you got to this conclusion. A very dramatic leap from what people have actually said.

If you see my previous comment though, I do understand that there are times when of course a woman might feel vulnerable but that is circumstance. If you are saying women should feel vulnerable at all times, why is it a leap to assume people are saying some women are afraid of all men? It's not everyone and I didn't say that.

Are people genuinely afraid of all men including the plumber?
No. I've had lots of work men in the house, I shop and pick up kids in the dark regularly used public transport all over the country and have travelled alone abroad.

But like Clandestino I've experience a lot of street harassment - that's always feel like it has the potential to get nasty - though I've never reported it. The only reason for it was being a lone female.

I worry about my DS safely just as much as my DDs.

I don't fear all men - actually when I've encountered groups of men who have impeded me it's always been other men I don't know who have intervened on my behalf.

I have experience of being made to feel vulnerable because I am a woman – I think it great others haven’t had that I really hope my own DD don’t.

I don't feel vulnerable because of my sex. I've been in situations where I've felt vulnerable for a bunch of different reasons but not because I'm female. I've been sexually harassed, but in a way that left me annoyed rather than feeling vulnerable. I know that statistically I'm more like to be the victim of some crimes (but less likely to be the victim of others) because of my sex. But it's not a degree of risk that leads me to feeling vulnerable in my day-to-day life.

It's not all as it seems ...