Not to feel vulnerable as a woman

[Ribrabrob]

Before I start I hope this isn't a fiery subject and I absolutely do not mean to offend anybody.

I see and hear a lot of comments (a lot on here) about women who feel vulnerable because they are, indeed, female. I consider myself very lucky to say that I have never once felt vulnerable or unsafe because I am a woman. I've travelled to foreign countries alone, walked alone late at night in not so desirable areas etc and have never once felt unsafe or as though it's something I shouldn't be doing.

This is absolutely not a 'stealth' because as I said I consider myself lucky to feel this way and completely understand many womanay feel vulnerable in certain situations because of past incidents, assaults, rapes etc and this will of course affect someone's outlook.

I guess my question is not aibu or whether others are bu because people are entitled to feel how they do, but I just find this interesting. Do you feel vulnerable being female? If so why? If not, why? and whilst she shouldn't have to do this, should a woman ever think twice about doing certain things (ie walking down a dark alley) because they are female?

Agree with you again NoLove; many of these men probably won't commit crimes against women but the very fact that they feel ok with threatening to do so, and not challenging other men who do the same, means that we have an incredibly widespread problem.

They use those threats because women should be afraid of sexual violence but then get offended when they do. Bonkers.

Since I am not a man it would be impossible to say if I feel more vulnerable as a woman than a man of a similar size might feel? I think probably I am less vulnerable as I am small and would look to be insignificant as a threat. Smaller men however easily be preyed upon. Why does there have to be this competition about who is more victìmised? We are all human beings. Some men are violent and abusive but equally so are some women.

Very much so ThymeLord. The attitudes are far too widespread even beyond those who do target women and girls in assaults for no other reason than our sex (which is chilling in itself of course). It shows how pervasive, endemic and unfortunately to some extent accepted misogynist attitudes are.

Equally voice ?

Female violence is not "equal" to male violence.

I grew up in a very rough inner city area, I learned to deal with kerb crawlers from a very early age. I've never felt nervous or frightened because I was a woman. It is nice to read about so many confident women.

Female violence is so far from being equal to make violence.

*Male, clearly.

I don't feel vulnerable as a woman, either.

But that doesn't mean that women as a whole aren't vulnerable.

I'm not scared, I refuse to be scared. Yes, I've been discriminated against for my gender, yes I've been sexually assaulted, yes I've been raped. But they aren't going to make me their fucking victim. I am not fucking afraid.

I don't mean to be rude and I'm so sorry for what you've been through but can you not see the contradiction in your post?

You've been a victim of rape. Hat doesn't mean that you don't get on with your life or that you wallow in self-pity. But you have undoubtedly and factually been a victim.

The fact that women are so desperate to distance themselves from the idea of being a "victim" just goes to show what a stigma there is against it still.

No, I don't feel particularly vulnerable purely because I'm female.

I'm not stupid, and wouldn't purposefully put myself in a dangerous situation but I'm sure I'd do the same if I was male

A post ages ago but it would never occur to me not to get a taxi alone, or travel alone anywhere I wanted to, which I've done in the past and I'd do again

That's not to say that people of both sexes can become vulnerable utterly unintentionally.

Exactly that, always with the rape threats, never with an actual formed, thought through argument. And that leads me on to street harrasment. How many women have been called a bitch for not acknowledging some twat who shouted "nice tits" at you? It's just another way of trying to keep us feeling unsafe.

Women are so quick to police other women, but very few men will police other men's behaviour.

OP, please don't take this the wrong way, but you know if you were abroad and alone and god forbid someone did attack you, and it was reported in the media, more people would question your actions than the rapists? That's the kind of society we live in, one that is very quick to turn a blind eye to male violence, especially when it's against women.

Again, I'm not saying we should live in fear, but we can't blame some women for feeling vulnerable.

They've done such a good job on us NoLove that even women think that we, as a sex, are equally as violent!

They've done such a good job on us NoLove that even women think that we, as a sex, are equally as violent!

I think we also have a vested interest in seeing things as equal. It's better than saying "this fucking sucks and there's not much I can do about it"!

I generally don't feel fear/vulnerable - shared bathrooms/changing areas/etc don't bother me. I don't run after dark though, and avoid unlit areas/dodgy taxis etc, so there is a threshold to my confidence.

I feel vulnerable in principle regarding women's rights, but it's not a fear/vulnerable, it's more indignation/vulnerable.

I rarely feel endangered or vulnerable. I retain the view that most people are good. I do think society is suffering more anxiety and angst about all manner of things and wonder whether this is a result of more isolation, greater spread of horrible stories on social media and sensational reporting in the Sun, Daily Mail etc.
I'm happy to wander around foreign cities and towns on my own and use foreign public transport ( I oft accompany my husband when he's speaking at conferences in random places). I don't ever recall being treated with anything other than courtesy.
I'm happy to walk locally in the early hours after village events or supper with friends and neighbours. It's pitch dark with no lighting at all.

It's quite something ThymeLord, despite all the evidence of male violence as well as women and girls being targeted simply for being female.

People aren't attacked because they do "stupid" things Sooper. They get attacked because their attackers are arseholes.

I don't feel massively vulnerable right now, in part because of where I live...very low crime rate etc. However I am always aware of where I am and who is around me, and do feel on edge if I am ever out alone etc.

I have been a victim of many levels of abuse over the years, and statistically know that I am far from alone. How anyone can deny that being a woman is an inherently risky business in the face of the overwhelming evidence otherwise is beyond me.

I sometimes feel vulnerable in certain situations and I happen to be a woman.

Is this ok?

@IfyouseeRitaMoreno how is seeing things as equal doing something about it?

The way your post reads it sounds like ignoring the problem it will make it go away.

I don't get you RitaMoreno. How does seeing things as equal help? They aren't equal and we do need to do something about it.

"What is interesting is that women are less likely to experience violence than men because the most prevalent type of violence is male on male.

Yet women do feel more vulnerable and men feel more confident. Why is that?"

Those of my male relatives who have been attacked or threatened with violence have admitted that this was during an argument which they could have avoided getting drawn into. Just turning away and walking off would have been enough.

The females who have been attacked have been followed home by somebody who deliberately set out to seek them out and attack them- there was nothing they could have done in terms of their demeanor that would have changed that.

You feel how you feel. You recognise that you are lucky to not feel vulnerable and also I may add lucky to have not to have experienced anything that has made you feel pyhsically/ emotionally vulnerable to that degree. You may be one of the few people who naturally have less fear and thrive on risky acitvities.

Sometimes we feel invincible (and safe) in ways that are disproportionate with the facts/ statistics and go about with gay abandon in the belief that nothing terrible will happen to us. That is great while it lasts. Some people have never felt safe. EVER. This has a bearing on how you react going forward, even if you aren't aware of it. Even if you went about feeling a sense of bravado (overcompensation?)

I used to be pretty feisty and would stand up to men on a Saturday night etc if they were causing trouble or being obnoxious. I was young and fit and felt strong and empowered and like I could go anywhere and do anything. Then some things happened that made me realise the sheer physical strength that men have, and that I was not invincible, and it isn't like in the movies. And I like being alive. I dont want to die. It is pretty hard to put that realisation back in the box.

Nowadays I feel vulnerable and flat out afraid in some sitautions, but that is not weakness, merely a simply a common sense reaction to the realisation that in some situatios I could/ would be seriously at risk of harm.

I don't enjoy feeling afraid but I am not going to feel guilty or ashamed of it. I think of it as everything done in spite of fear or vulnerability is a testament to bravery and courage not evidence of weakness or inferiority to someone else. Nobody is 'better' for feeling invincible, than some one who feels vulnerable. They are just luckier to feel that way.

I'm with you OP, I don't feel vulnerable as a woman. I'm able to walk down roads after dark and not worry about anything nasty happening. I've worked in a bar and would far rather break up fights involving men than women (fighting women are bonkers). I have always been quite secure. I'm only 5'4 so definitely not my height making me feel this way.

Very well put corythatwas. For example this horrific case, where the man set out to attack any woman or girl that day. There is nothing the woman attacked could have done to prevent it - she was murdered for being female (also in broad daylight not that attacks at any time aren't horrendous). Abhorrent. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/sep/14/man-jailed-murdering-student-wigan-mark-buckley-ellen-higginbottom