Not to feel vulnerable as a woman

[Ribrabrob]

Before I start I hope this isn't a fiery subject and I absolutely do not mean to offend anybody.

I see and hear a lot of comments (a lot on here) about women who feel vulnerable because they are, indeed, female. I consider myself very lucky to say that I have never once felt vulnerable or unsafe because I am a woman. I've travelled to foreign countries alone, walked alone late at night in not so desirable areas etc and have never once felt unsafe or as though it's something I shouldn't be doing.

This is absolutely not a 'stealth' because as I said I consider myself lucky to feel this way and completely understand many womanay feel vulnerable in certain situations because of past incidents, assaults, rapes etc and this will of course affect someone's outlook.

I guess my question is not aibu or whether others are bu because people are entitled to feel how they do, but I just find this interesting. Do you feel vulnerable being female? If so why? If not, why? and whilst she shouldn't have to do this, should a woman ever think twice about doing certain things (ie walking down a dark alley) because they are female?

I've felt vulnerable when I've been with friends/acquaintances.
Those were the men that tried to push things sexually when I was asleep etc.

The stats show it's mostly from men you know and that's been my experience in the majority.

the sad thing is that if I say that I have never been victim of sexual assault, and I am well into my 30s, some people deny it's true. It doesn't mean anyone had the same experience, it doesn't deny that others have been victims, but it has never happened to me (long may it last!)

Nothing unreasonable in that. I normally don't but then I sometimes walk into a room, for example with my family (all men are bigger than me and I am bigger than a lot of men) and I am reminded of how vulnerable I could be inthe company of some men. I do trust the majority of men not to harm me but I know that there are some people out there who given the chance would (and, owingto my size, the vast majority of those people are men). Normally it isn't sonething that I dwell on though.

I could have written this myself, in fact I have done on here, many times. Each time
I do I am completely belittled.

I think there are very few women who go through life feeling constantly scared and vulnerable. Some women are just more aware of male violence and the hate some men have for us based on their own experiences or from what they see in the news/read about. The fact is, as women, we ARE more vulnerable to sexual abuse, that's simply a fact, and we're more likely to be attacked by a man than another woman.

I meant to add, that doesn't mean we need to live in fear.

I feel vulnerable. I have experienced a lot of violence from men. After one random attack I couldn't be around strange men at all. Now I can go out alone and even go to a night club with friends but I am always on my guard.

I think this type of individualistic "I'm alright Jack" thinking doesn't really stand up in the face of statistics.

When women are not the major target of domestic violence, sexual assault, grooming, constant low level sexual harassment and objectification and killed by men at the rate of 2 per week then we can get complacent

Until then I feel justified in thinking that we still don't get how much men hate us.

I personally do not feel vulnerable but women as a group are, particularly from men that they know.

First of all feeling vulnerable and being aware that you would be vulnerable in a certain situation are two completely different things.

I only felt vulnerable when there was a distinct threat, but there have been many situations where I thought doing x could make me vulnerable. There have also been situations where I thought I was completely safe and it turned out I wasn't.

It's not whiney or being a victim or "letting them win".

I don't feel more vulnerable because I'm a woman either. Where I am people of my colour are more likely to be killed because they're men- am constantly worried about dh.

I didn't feel vulnerable until:
Someone tried to rape my sensible, no nonsense housemate when she was walking along a normal street late at night (and left a footprint on her). We'd decided to go home, and she decided to walk to her boyfriends which was only a couple of streets from where we parted ways.
A girl was raped at night literally 50 metres from my house. I was in at the time, and was mortified that it could have happened in my area, and that I didn't hear her cries for help.
Until my (ex)husband hit me/restrained me. That's when I realised just how much stronger adult males are than adult females.

What is interesting is that women are less likely to experience violence than men because the most prevalent type of violence is male on male.

Yet women do feel more vulnerable and men feel more confident. Why is that?

Sometimes I wonder if it's our ghoulish media obsession with murdered females. Those grim scandi noirs/ serial killer / forensic dramas always seem to have young female victims.

The woman walking along down a dark alley is a common technique in films and tv to conjure up a feeling of fear.

There seems to be a media obsession with female fear. And I wonder why.

Maybe it's because women found out through bitter experience that if a man wants to do something to then they can and there's sweet fuck all they can do about it at the time?

I've never felt vulnerable as a woman either. I've travelled the world alone for long periods of time. I've often walked alone in the dark, sometimes after a few drinks, wearing whatever I wanted to wear. I don't think I was at more risk than someone who didn't do these things.

If you are a man on your own and get attacked by a group, you are pretty vulnerable too. Most threats exist regardless of gender.

YADNBU

Because that's the way the world should be. And I hope that the world will be for everyone by the time dd is old enough to mumsnet.

Women and girls are at constant risk of male sexual violence for no other reason than being female. There are a number of men who want women and girls to feel vulnerable of course, including those who harass us on the street, intending to intimidate. I would love there to be a time no women or girls feel vulnerable. Unfortunately this is difficult when you're well aware of the risk of male violence which you're at purely due to your sex. Not just at night either (not that it's ever anything but horrific), see this 14 year old girl who was raped in the middle of the day: www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/girl-14-raped-london-avery-hill-park-greenwich-teenager-a7949851.html and these 15 year old girls sexually assaulted in the middle of the day including one on a busy street recently (two not caught): www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/police-hunt-man-after-girl-15-sexually-assaulted-in-bethnal-green-a3638881.html
www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/police-step-up-patrols-after-15yearold-girl-sexually-assaulted-in-twickenham-a3592681.html
www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/15339336.Mother_speaks_out_about_sex_attacker_who_assaulted_her___39_brave__39__daughter_on_Twickenham_bus/

As I said, I want no woman or girl to ever feel vulnerable and am enraged so many women and girls are made to feel so due to these misogynist crimes.

It's very very rare I feel uncomfortable due to my sex or at all actually. I think this is because I was a prison officer for a number of years and I am not physically threatened by males nor am I scared to use my voice/words to challenge.

I feel vulnerable (if that's the right word.

I'm not sure if that's because I'm female or because the world is a dangerous place.

Are women statistically more likely to be victims of crime? I don't know.

Men are vulnerable, children are vulnerable too, but are at risk of different types of things.

I am quite cautious about most things. I drive very carefully, I'm careful with my belongings, I lock my doors, i'm careful about food hygiene, I'm careful crossing roads, I think about all sorts of risks. Not so much that it stops me living my life.

I think that is my personality type not being female.

I used to go on walks of an evening in the summer and long walks at the weekend for fitness.

One of the routes I used to walk down, a woman was sexually assaulted at 11.30am.

This wasn't a secluded route whatsoever.

This has put me off totally.

Do you feel vulnerable being female?

I guess on a vulnerability scale of (least) 1 to 10 (most) I feel about a 3. If I was male same age/height, I'd probably feel level 1-2 vulnerable.

MNers as a group are a lot more nervous than I am.

A few times I have been jumped by strange men & fought them off (& chased them down the street). None of this has scared me into changing where I go when I go. Weird, I guess, but true.

I posted a comment recently online talking about how it's understandable if some women are scared of or dislike men as a class. Considering how many women have been treated by men, it would be surprising if we all still adored them. Much like a fear of dogs, you know not all dogs will attack you, but you know that one might, especially if you've been bitten before, it's just human nature to learn where dangers come from.

Since then I have had around 50 rape threats from men in response. One man said he'd like to rape me and then pull my intestines out through my "cunt" god knows how. Another guy said women have themselves to blame because men have testosterone so if women don't want to be hit or raped, they should shut their mouths and do as they're told. Not one single man has pulled them up on their threats of violence. I've not reported their comments because I want people to see it. It doesn't scare me or make me feel vulnerable because none of them know who I am, but it still shows a level of hate.

Most of these men probably wouldn't rape in real life, but they are invested in keeping us "in our place". They're still outraged that I have free speech and I'm not towing their line. And that's just online...

The level of hatred of women and girls which exists is extremely worrying AngelSins - sorry to read of the abhorrent comments/threats you've had. Something else which shows how much misogyny there is out there are the forums and social media accounts devoted to men and boys anonymously sharing photographs of girls and women, often lifted from their Facebook accounts etc, with plenty of others posting violently sexual comments/threats about them, as well as photographs taken of girls and women without consent in public (www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10987816/Creep-shot-Twitter-trend-how-creeps-just-got-creepier.html). Although many of these men/boys may not do anything in terms of actually attacking girls and women, some will, and the widespread violent misogynist sentiment is hugely worrying.

Angels, it certainly isn't unusual to receive that level of abuse online from men. I've had the same including rape threats. Many many men really hate women and want to put us in our place as often as possible.

Angels, I used to have quite an active Twitter account sharing feminist articles and viewpoints.

The abuse I got along the lines that you have got. They don't threaten to hurt your argument, they don't attempt to subdue you with facts

No. They use threats of violence. Often sexual violence. They attempt to subdue you by body shaming and making you feel or that your family is unsafe .

If that is not vulnerability because of sex I don't know what is.