To think my mum will forgive me?

[McGertie]

For eloping abroad without telling her?

Background is been together 10 years, engaged for three. About to adopt (almost finished process) and always said we'd wait til kids were here for wedding. But now that it's come round we just want to be married. Have booked wedding abroad just us & 4 guests (who we're going on this holiday anyway already).

Can't tell my mum as she'll want to come which means DPs dad will want to, id have to invite my dad (knowing he couldn't come) as well as extended family etc. Suddenly turns into this big who-ha we don't want & cant afford. But I feel AWFUL for not telling my mum...

Would you forgive your daughter & understand or would you just be hurt?

And you didn't know?
I guess it's tit for tat to see if you are bothered.

Not tit for tat at all, just total coincidence I suppose. Both pleased for each other!

I was just about to ask what kind of wedding your mother had and if it was what she wanted, it'd have been a good indication of her possible reaction.

I think all the posters who were so horrified at the idea shouldn't worry that it might ever happen to them, obviously their children are being raised in the knowledge that their mothers think of a wedding ceremony (however low key and however long they've been with their partner) as a very very big deal and absence of parents would inflict a mortal wound. I don't think the OP would have entertained the idea at all if she could forsee her DM having a reaction like some of the posters'.

I was so flabbergasted at the majority of responses on here saying how devastated they'd be that I actually asked my mum what she'd do if it was me, and explained your situation OP, and she confirmed she would be happy for me and want me to have whatever kind of wedding I wanted. In her own words: "how bizarre, it's your life and your wedding!" And we don't hate each other we're incredibly close! Glad you sorted everything out and congratulations on the impending nuptials

You say you don't want a fuss but you are creating long lasting fuss and drama by not inviting them or telling them in advance. You know there is going to be or else you would just be up front about it all. You are being a coward by not telling her in advance because it is easier for you not to confront other people's feelings.
That's fine and your choice - just don't bury your head in the sand about the reasons why you don't want to tell her in advance.

My DD did this. Facebook found out first. Yes I was hurt.

Slothface did you tell your mum that OP wasn't going to tell her mum until after the wedding?

That's the bit that people have been saying was really hurtful. They could get over the fact that they weren't invited due to logistics.

I've told my DM so all is well!!

People might not notice your updates OP (if that's you!) if they have the highlighted OP option, cos of your name changes, so you might get quite a few comments on the original posts without being aware of the new ones.