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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to come with us to baby immunisation appointment?

164 replies

SureJan · 20/09/2017 07:45

Baby has her 8 week immunisations this week. I've asked DH to come to the appointment with us, as I'm worried that baby will be inconsolable & I could do with the moral support!
He says he doesn't want to take time off work for it when I can take her on my own - he'd have to take it as either annual leave or unpaid leave.
AIBU to insist that he comes with me? Or am I right to feel a bit annoyed with him, because baby is as much his responsibility as she is mine?
Or am I being far too PFB about the whole thing?

OP posts:
Purplemeddler · 20/09/2017 09:04

Lots of very mean comments on here. Why shouldn't DH take her? Get an appointment first thing (if possible) and he can go into work afterwards. If not possible, so be it.

I think your DH needs to get used to the idea that he will need to take time off work for child-related things at times - maybe you might even want a bit of time to yourself to do something or you have a medical appointment of your own, or a work commitment. Now is a good time to start getting used to the idea that kids have two parents, not just mum.

peachgreen · 20/09/2017 09:04

Goodness me, there's some unpleasant responses on here.

Perfectly natural to be a little bit nervous about this, OP. When my mum took me for my first jabs she had to call my dad at work to get him to come and take over because she kept putting her hand in between my arm and the needle! Grin

Having said that, I think you're right to do it on your own, given your DH would prefer not to come - it will be okay. I went with my cousin to take her wee boy recently and she was much more upset than he was. He did a small squeal and then wasn't fussed at all! She breastfed throughout which seemed to really help.

HotelEuphoria · 20/09/2017 09:04

PFB, baby will be fine. Total waste of a day's unpaid or annual leave and you are making a rod.

BurningOutNow · 20/09/2017 09:11

PFB but I don't care, I do the same - made DH come with me for every single immunisation appointment including the one year one Grin

My little one screamed for hours after every injection, I can't drive (medical reasons) and it's a 25 minute walk to our GP so didn't fancy pushing/carrying a hysterical baby home on my own.

2014newme · 20/09/2017 09:13

I took twins on my own
Don't be silly you have many jabs to come, 2 parents are not needed.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/09/2017 09:16

After doing 5 kids worth of jabs by myself which was "no big deal" according to DH, he was off on the day the youngest needed her first so I sent him on his own. The panic in his face was quite entertaining but off he went. And yes he hated it and yes he fretted.... a lot.

Funnily enough, he was a lot more sympahetic after that....who knew Wink

It will be fine, but it isnt a nice thing to have to do and I dont blame you for wanting someone else here. Could you take your mum or a friend or go there for a coffee afterwards?

JayDot500 · 20/09/2017 09:37

YANBU. It's not like you've done this before. When you need support, why shouldn't you turn to your DH? It's his baby too, and it could be a half day/full day if timed well.

I felt the same way and DH came. Actually, he has come to all immunisations since. I pop out of the room, pfb but I don't really care since my life is not a show for other people to judge. There are things I've had to do alone, like DS' tongue tie snip (DH was unwell), but I love the fact my DH understands that when I ask for support, it's because I need it.

OP, if he absolutely won't come, try someone else. But I do feel it's a shame.

namechanger2735 · 20/09/2017 09:38

whattodo i don't really know WHY he comes to be honest. I'm glad he does because I don't want to be the one to have to pin her arms down and feel her flinch etc. He holds her and then she comes to me for a cuddle. But I'm very emotional and pregnant so maybe I'm a big wimp! If he had a meeting he couldn't get out of at work or for some reason couldn't come I'd understand, it just so happens that he's been able to organise him being there every time so far

TheNaze73 · 20/09/2017 09:41

I think either parent naturally, to do this but, wouldn't see this as a 2 person job. Seems like a bit of a waste of a day off but, everyone will have differing views on this

KarateKitten · 20/09/2017 09:41

You're both a parent and an adult. These sorts of things need one parent, you or DH. It's not good to wind yourself up so much about something both necessary and normal. Your baby may cry but there are lots of things that make baby cry so you need to get on with it. It won't help any if you to nake such a drama about baby crying. Time for big girl pants. This is part of the job of parent.

ExPresidents · 20/09/2017 09:42

I wouldn't ask him to take leave, it will be fine. It is 4 jabs though now and a lot for them to take at that age, you're not being precious. I did find it upsetting but kept thinking how lucky we are to live somewhere we get free, clean, safe vaccinations against horrible diseases.

DS reacted badly to his 8 week jabs though, he was hot, clingy and wouldn't be put down for hours after, so I would advise getting something easy to eat for you so you can eat and drink one handed if needs be and let your baby sleep on you.

Crunchymum · 20/09/2017 09:48

I did make DP come with me as the first appointment was actually "3 in 1". I had my postnatal check, then baby had his check, then jabs. All separate appointments Shock

Was scheduled to be 40m, we were there for 90m so I was glad of the help.

Thankfully we'd moved GP with DC2 and I took her by myself.

tinymeteor · 20/09/2017 09:48

You'll be fine. See if one of your antenatal group can meet you for coffee and cake afterwards and get some moral support that way!

MrsPandaBear · 20/09/2017 09:55

How much annual leave does your DH have left? With it coming up for winter, chances are either you or the baby will get a bug or two and desperately need help. Unless he has loads of leave, I'd save it for then.

I really didn't find the 8 week jabs too bad either time - the nurse was really quick at doing them all, and then it's 5 minutes of crying at most. Take Calpol, and something to entertain you (and stop you stressing) if the nurse runs late for your appointment.

silkpyjamasallday · 20/09/2017 10:07

I'd save his annual leave for something either more pressing i.e. Both you and baby getting a stomach bug/cold at the same time or enjoyable for you all as a family. Jabs are over in seconds, you will get a few tears but dd fell asleep on the walk home every time so it can't have been that bad. It's definitely worse for the parents than the baby. DP could have come to them as his employer was really good about letting him have time off for DD for whatever reason but it would have been a waste of time.

LittleRen · 20/09/2017 10:15

Personally I found the early immunisations really easy - I actually took my mum to the first (PFB) and felt a bit ridiculous. With my second I went on my own... however the one I would say your husband should be at (if any) is the 13 month MMR (if you choose to have it) and the pre school jabs... it's much worse when they are older and more aware, and hard to keep them still. As babies they will cry for a few seconds and be fine.

Helspopje · 20/09/2017 10:18

I agree/agreed with previous posters

that said , when I took our third for her final set and realised my dh hadn't come to or taken amy of them to any of their immunisations I did feel a bit aggrieved that I'd had to deal with every episode of crying and them not wanting to go in alone

Fwiw the tiny baby ones are a walk in the park compared to the bigger kids ones

Wheresmytaco · 20/09/2017 10:22

You will be fine, baby will be fine but to be perfectly honest if you really want him there to help look after his own kid he really should take the day off. You're on bloody maternity leave, you're only asking him for an afternoon.

user1480334601 · 20/09/2017 10:28

Is there anyone else can come with you?

I have needle phobia so didn't want to pass it on to the wee one, so took my dad along when my partner couldn't get time off work. I stayed in room right up til needle, left the room then was there for cuddles with her when she came out.

LetZygonsbeZygones · 20/09/2017 10:40

My DD was way more upset than DGD. Yes DGD howled but quickly stopped and fell fast asleep. As soon as the needle went into DGDs leg DD was sobbing her heart out (she did have PND which couldn't have helped much.) I cuddled her while she cuddled DGD. The second lot of jabs was a lot less emotional apparently (I wasn't there). It's not easy the first time but it's essential. As I said to DD, if shes that upset seeing DGD have a jab, can she imagine how terrible she would feel watching her suffer one of the awful diseases she's being protected from and said she was being a good Mum. You'll be fine. You might cry and that's ok but your baby will have a few seconds of unpleasantness and probably go straight to sleep (the nurse said they always seem to do that).

Original poster
SureJan · 20/09/2017 10:41

I think that's partly my problem, the fact that DH is refusing to take the time off even though I've asked him to.
He's very much Hmm at me for wanting him to come with me, but I'm sure it would be a different story if it was he who had to go alone (although of course he swears he'd be fine & it's no big deal).
I know I'm being ridiculous & should just go on my own, & I will. I'm not that bothered about it now I've talked myself round. And I know I'm on maternity leave so therefore it's my job to do stuff like this whilst he's at work. But it would just be nice to have his support & to not feel like DD is solely my responsibility.
He has 2 weeks left to take from now til the end of the year.
I'm not going to insist he comes along though, I want to go on my own now so that I know that I can, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 20/09/2017 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sayyouwill · 20/09/2017 10:46

I get really annoyed by people who use being a first time mum as an excuse for everything. We've all been first time mums (those of us with kids) and I never told my DH to take a days holiday to come for a 5 minute appointment. Of course the child is just as much his responsibility but he has to work! I'm assuming you're relying on his wage to mainly support the family while you're on mat leave? Perhaps he would rather use his annual leave to do things with you's or keep them for an emergency if you were to get poorly etc. Don't waste them because you need morale support!! You're a parent for goodness sake, you should be able to 'be there' for your child without needing a string of people propping you up too.

JayDot500 · 20/09/2017 10:47

I get you OP. I'm certain if the roles were reversed you'd have no problem taking the time off to support him. The best you could do is try and make an appointment that'd not mean he had to take a whole day or something. But good on you for feeling confident enough to go it alone.

My husband has a chronic illness that can pop up at any time, so I have to take probably half of my leave for him. I'd be very bitter if he didn't show me support when I needed it, because in truth, I don't often need it.

Pengggwn · 20/09/2017 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.