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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DH to come with us to baby immunisation appointment?

164 replies

SureJan · 20/09/2017 07:45

Baby has her 8 week immunisations this week. I've asked DH to come to the appointment with us, as I'm worried that baby will be inconsolable & I could do with the moral support!
He says he doesn't want to take time off work for it when I can take her on my own - he'd have to take it as either annual leave or unpaid leave.
AIBU to insist that he comes with me? Or am I right to feel a bit annoyed with him, because baby is as much his responsibility as she is mine?
Or am I being far too PFB about the whole thing?

OP posts:

AJPTaylor · 20/09/2017 07:56

Yanbu. I wanted my dh to be there for all of the immunisations for all 3 of mine. He never was but i would have liked it

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 20/09/2017 07:56

BabsGanoush no need to be a dick, OP is a new, sleep deprived parent looking for support.

AreWeThereYet000 · 20/09/2017 07:56

I went to them all on my own, there's going to be times when you'll need him around more than for the jabs, she cried for about 10 minutes after, fell asleep in the car home and was fine after. I've recently been poorly with tonsillitis (it floors me when I get it) so DP took time off to care for the baby and this was so much more worthwhile.

Honestly you'll be fine x

runsmidgeOMG · 20/09/2017 07:56

OP I totally get it, it's horrible but baby will be fine. And you'll be fine. If his annual leave is limited you don't want to be wasting a moment that'll last 30 seconds at best.

Follow all advice give calpol etc, prepare for a temp overnight and enjoy an annual leave day with him another day soon something fun !

HailLapin · 20/09/2017 07:56

I understand OP but I agree with others that you'll be fine on your own. Your baby will cry , calm down and all will be well.

Her0utdoors · 20/09/2017 07:56

If you need support, you need support. The pp who say you're being PFB aren't in your shoes, and don't know how you are feeling. When dd was a baby I had a really hard time coping with her crying, and she did cry after her first ims, the staff at the doctor's were lovely and let us use an office whilst I soothed her. All the best op, I hope you get the support you need. And keep up with the calpol :-)

ChilliMary · 20/09/2017 07:57

It's over on moments. Both of you don't need to be there. It's not a big deal, to be honest.

RunningOutOfCharge · 20/09/2017 07:57

Omg..... this never occurred to me to drag a second adult along with any of my 5!

You don't need moral support! 3 of mine didn't even cry!

Prusik · 20/09/2017 07:57

To be frank, OP, it's not a pleasant experience as a Mum. I was tearful - it brought me right back to DS's time in hospital. I really do understand why you want your DH there. It feels scary to know that your baby is going to go through pain. This is your baby and it's really not nice.

That being said. PP are right. It is over really quickly and although your baby will probably scream, that will also be over really quickly.

Sirzy · 20/09/2017 07:59

Yabu to expect him to waste a days holiday.

If you need support is there someone else you can take along? A friend or a relative?

Lenl · 20/09/2017 08:00

My first baby I booked his 8 week imms for when DP would be off work. But it really wasn't a big deal and the rest of them I took him alone. Current baby I didn't even think of it.

They are unlikely to be inconsolable, it's not very nice but it's over super quickly. I just kept hold of him back out to the car and he was fine. He had his 12 week ones the other day and didn't even cry.

All that being said if you are feeling really anxious I don't think it's much to ask if your partner and father of your child.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/09/2017 08:01

YABVU. There's no need for him to be there. If it was his day off, great, but taking a day off work unpaid (or even worse, using annual leave for it) is just ridiculous.

CoteDAzur · 20/09/2017 08:01

"moral support"

You'll be fine OP. Woman up & take your baby for her vaccine on your own. YABU.

Fuckit2017 · 20/09/2017 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechanger2735 · 20/09/2017 08:01

I would be upset if DDs dad wouldn't come. He's come to all her immunisations, we're no longer together and I can't stand him but he still came to her last one. He's either had to take his lunch later, start earlier so he can finish later or make the time up etc

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/09/2017 08:03

namechanger2735 But why does he go?

TheMasterNotMargarita · 20/09/2017 08:04

I get it OP but get your big girl pants on.
There are many times you are going to have to do something your child won't like for their own good and this is just the beginning.
Think of why you are doing it. A moments discomfort for a lifetime of benefit.
The nurse will be used to anxious mums but try not to transmit that to baby if you can.
You will go into the appointment, nurse will go through what baby is getting and ask a few questions about general health. You'll sign the permission form. Hug baby sideways on your lap holding her leg firmly. Nurse will give injections as fast as possible.
Baby will cry - perhaps for less than a minute. Maybe a bit more. I always made sure mine wore a leg popper suit so you can simply button them up and get out. Sometimes a quick change in surroundings is enough to stop them crying.
I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think.
DS recently had his 1 year vaccs - 4 seperate injections which I was dreading. He did cry but within 2 mins was smiling and gurgling away to himself.
It will be OK.

Lovemusic33 · 20/09/2017 08:04

YABU, your dh can't take time off work each time your child has an appointment. Your baby will be fine, they might cry for a few minutes but they soon settle down.

Hapaxlegomenon · 20/09/2017 08:04

Don't worry, you'll be able to manage it on your own. I was not nervous when I took my DD but surprised myself by crying for a few minutes after! It's really not something that needs you both there though.

MuddlingThroughLife · 20/09/2017 08:06

I prefer to do things on my own. Dh is useless in this type of situation. Also working part time meant i could usually schedule appts on my days off so neither of us had to book time off. I'm currently off sick to take care of ds (10) and go to the majority of his oncology appts alone. Not because dh doesn't care or want to be there but because he has to work and can't keep taking time off for appts.

You'll be fine. Injection takes seconds and they're over it in the blink of an eye.

HolidayTimeAgain · 20/09/2017 08:06

Your DH is right - it doesn't need both of you! Save the annual leave for something more important.
Try to relax about it, the more tense you are the more baby is likely to react to your mood.

grecian100 · 20/09/2017 08:07

In our clinic there is a very limited number of seats in the tiny waiting area so when every mum brings their DP/DM or sometimes both it is extremely cramped. It can be a bit upsetting OP, have a bit of a cry and then go on your way. There is really no need for "moral support".

Original poster

SureJan · 20/09/2017 08:08

Thanks everyone. I'm being a bit silly.
She's been a little under the weather the past few days with a cold so I've been worrying about that too & I think I've just got myself in a bit of a tizzy about the whole thing.
I'm normally nice & calm when she cries so hopefully I'll hold it together at the appointment.
I'm not scared of needles so no excuse really.
And I'm honestly in awe of single parents who do all this alone, thinking in those terms puts this into perspective for me.

OP posts:

ImListening · 20/09/2017 08:08

You'll be fine! Mine cried for a few minutes but slept afterwards. You'll need him more if they are poorly after their jabs so you can have a bit of a rest. Use the annual leave for that not the jabs!

PinguForPresident · 20/09/2017 08:08

Massively PFB. Put on your big girl pants and go. Seriously, this is not a 2-parent affair.

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