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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to come with us to baby immunisation appointment?

164 replies

SureJan · 20/09/2017 07:45

Baby has her 8 week immunisations this week. I've asked DH to come to the appointment with us, as I'm worried that baby will be inconsolable & I could do with the moral support!
He says he doesn't want to take time off work for it when I can take her on my own - he'd have to take it as either annual leave or unpaid leave.
AIBU to insist that he comes with me? Or am I right to feel a bit annoyed with him, because baby is as much his responsibility as she is mine?
Or am I being far too PFB about the whole thing?

OP posts:
BellaGoth · 20/09/2017 08:09

I went to my eldest's jabs alone and the nurse asked if I was sure I'd be OK. I was (ish!), but LOTS of parents find it upsetting.

You gave birth 8 weeks ago. You're sleep deprived. Hormones all over the place. It's totally fine to feel you need a little support. Just because other people wouldn't be upset, doesn't mean you can't! If you need support, you need support. End of.

MiniCooperLover · 20/09/2017 08:09

It'll be fine, the nurses are used to crying babies and work very quickly and you can then feed the baby straight afterwards to distract them. Absolutely no need for anyone to go with you for a 5 minute apt.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/09/2017 08:10

YABU.

There's no way it's worth taking leave for. It's a one adult, one child job. Yes the baby will most likely cry, but that's not exactly an unusual thing for a baby is it! 😁 Cuddle and feed and she'll be fine.

Dawnedlightly · 20/09/2017 08:10

YOu sound much more positive in your update! You can do it. And it's part of being the great mum you are to do things for her good which are horrid for you and her.
Flowers
Look after yourself

pilates · 20/09/2017 08:11

PFB she will be fine and not scarred by the experience

CavoliRiscaldati · 20/09/2017 08:11

I hate these smug "PFB" insults. This is a parenting forum FFS, and if someone can't talk about being apprehensive about things in baby's life, where can they. There's a complete lack of support for new mothers in this country, and it's easy to forget - or to be completely ignorant- on what it feels like to be with a new baby on your own. Not everyone has mother, sisters and a support group.

So yes posters, be happy to make a new mother feel shit when she is just asking for advice.

OP, as some said above, yes you will be fine. It's nice to have someone else with you, but don't worry, it will be over quickly. By the time the baby feels the jab, it will be over. There's a reason why calpol is allowed from 8 weeks, it's just for the jabs! You can take a bottle with you, so you can always give one dose if baby doesn't settle, ask the nurse for advice.

Most babies are fine after the first set, not unsettle at all.

gingerh4ir · 20/09/2017 08:12

I'm worried that baby will be inconsolable & I could do with the moral support!

'moral support'? because of a baby being upset by immunisations? In the kindest possible way but you need to get a grip.

StarHeartDiamond · 20/09/2017 08:14

Mine hardly cried at all, a bit of a surprised yelp and that was it really. I've heard a lot of babies having the same whilst waiting and at most one will cry for 30 seconds. She'll be fine.

Even if she did cry, you're her mum - you can comfort her. Don't worry, it'll be fine.

redspottydress · 20/09/2017 08:15

If she's not well though you need to make sure the nurse knows.

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 20/09/2017 08:18

Sorry, but you are being a bit unreasonable... but I say this as someone who toon their DH to all DD1's immunisations Grin However, he had flexible working hours so it didn't involve using annual leave or unpaid leave.

I took DD2 for hers on my own as he didn't have the luxuary of flexible working anymore and it was fine. I promise. You will cope. Flowers

eurochick · 20/09/2017 08:18

Take a good stock of changing materials. Mine did a massive shit with each jab.

Original poster
SureJan · 20/09/2017 08:19

Thanks to everyone who has been so nice & understanding.

I totally get the people saying get a grip etc - I know I need to & I know this isn't a big deal. But I'm a FTM so to me everything feels like a big deal.

OP posts:
WunWun · 20/09/2017 08:19

I think they suggest delaying the jabs if the baby has a cold sometimes? Depending how bad the cold is. Maybe give them a ring?

You are being a tiny bit PFB (and I only use that term because you said it, not as a smug insult!) But not exactly unreasonable as such. Definitely don't make him take the time off.

My DD was clingy, whiny and hot for the rest of the day and wouldn't let me put her down. I think she must have had a virus I didn't know about coming on anyway or something because I don't think that's usual. Anyway, I coped fine despite sleep deprivation and I'm sure you will too x

elektrawoman · 20/09/2017 08:21

OP I think if you can brave the lion's den of Mumsnet AIBU you can definitely cope with doing the jabs Grin
Seriously guys give her a break! Stop being so smug!

The first time is always the most upsetting because it goes against your natural instincts and you are still full of post-birth hormones, but it will be over quickly, the nurse has done this hundreds of times, and all your baby needs after is You (and Calpol).
Save DHs time off for when you are ill and need help looking after the baby. Or for a nice holiday so you can catch up on sleep! Good luck.

MayCatt · 20/09/2017 08:21

Totally agree with Cavoli. I can't help but wonder how long ago the smug PFB commenters were first time mums themselves. Some seem to delight in being unkind.

OP, take your DH if you'd prefer him be there but if you do go on your own you'll be absolutely fine. You've got this Flowers

strongasmeringue · 20/09/2017 08:23

It's a shame he doesn't want to be there but in the real world he might not be able to afford the loss of wages or be wanting to save the day off allocation.

I fed mine when he had his jab to help with the pain. The nurse was not happy about that Hmm.

Everything is a big deal when you have your first child. Accept that and find coping mechanisms for yourself. You'll be fine.

AccrualIntentions · 20/09/2017 08:24

It's ok to feel apprehensive about it, but it really sounds like it would be a waste of DH's annual leave unless he has loads of it. Is there any other appointment time when he's off work anyway?

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 20/09/2017 08:24

Oh OP I was so you last year. DP couldn't get the time off so I went alone. The nurse was lovely and could see I was nervous. She told me in 20 years of nursing she's never had a baby cry for more than 5 minutes. She was like lightening with the jabs. Ds let out one huge blood curdling scream then fell asleep and stayed asleep for 5 hours.

It isn't nice and as a ftm it's all new and a bit scary but you will be fine. Flowers

strongasmeringue · 20/09/2017 08:25

There is no kind way to tell someone to get a grip when they are worried about their baby Hmm. It really doesn't help FYI.

Daydreamerbynight · 20/09/2017 08:25

Cavoli is absolutely spot on. This is a first time Mum asking for advice and whilst the majority of responses have been heartwarming, being told to 'get a grip' and 'get over yourself' says more about the poster than it does the OP.

Arrowfanatic · 20/09/2017 08:28

Yabu, you'll be fine. If anything the jabs when their babies are millions of times easier than their preschool jabs when you're trying to hold down a 3 year old who knows what's going on and has no plans to cooperate.

The only time my husband ever took time off for jabs was my youngest daughters first jabs and that was so he could stay with my 2 year old and 18 month old at home and save me taking the tribe into the tiny room.

LexieLulu · 20/09/2017 08:29

8 week needles aren't the bad one, wait till they are 3 and they scream the place down and throw a wobbler!

Jokes aside, age 8 weeks they don't even make you hold the baby, they put them on the bed, do it, and you then cuddle them.

Take them in a baby grow, easy access and not the hardest thing to get on/off. You don't wanna be redressing them in a 7 piece outfit when they are upset.

Try and tie it in to a feed, they will fall asleep instantly after and you will be fine xxx

sleepymama81 · 20/09/2017 08:29

@SureJan I'm going to go against the grain and say YANBU. My OH has come to every one of DDs immunisation appointments including the non-standard chicken pox one she just had and she's 17m. He didn't have to take time off work though, I've always booked them for his day off.

He's always held her while she's jabbed and then passed her to me. The 8 week ones I nearly cried at. I do think I found them v upsetting because I was suffering from post-natal anxiety for a good while after she was born and couldn't bear anything like this. I wanted to thump the nurse for making my baby cry (I didn't, obviously, I knew I was being silly) but I needed a hand hold.

I'd be fine taking her in my own now, but he just comes because he always has I think! He likes to be involved as possible.

Everyone being mean and saying get a grip, don't! It's not nice. Even if it is PFB, so what? We all have things that we find hard and it's not exactly a pleasant trip.

Arrowfanatic · 20/09/2017 08:29

*they're dammit

MistressPage · 20/09/2017 08:29

What CavoliRiscaldati said.

Sorry people have been a bit unkind to you OP. Of COURSE it's distressing taking your baby for their first jabs. You can do this tho. Big girl pants, calpol, loads of cuddles afterwards and a treat for you. It'll be over really quickly Flowers

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