To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

Why is she getting up at 5.30am?

Well my toddler is up at 5, so I'm up at 5. Then we have to be out of the house by 7 because it's an hour round trip to nursery twice a day (no there is no way of being closer, we are in the queue, it'll take another 18m at least to get in near us..) then work, then one of us gets the toddler and sorts out dinner then hand over the toddler, dinner bath bed while he other continues working....

It's just knackering. Life is knackering.

Kind of sad to see people say ditch anyone who moans - perhaps those people are in genuine distress? I feel like I can never actually talk to anyone because I don't want people to think I'm meaning. So I literally know no one where we live, and have no friends. Partly because what could I give? I'm just shattered. I'm not fun. I'm not sparky and fun company, I'm just so so tired.

Your life does sound tiring, op. But other people's lives can be tiring too. And you never really know what's going on in other people's lives. Perfect marriages are rarely so perfect.

"Smug marrieds" isn't a very nice term to use.

Smug married and fat arse was a direct quote from another poster

The 'at lesst babies feed and go straight back to sleep' quote is perhaps the most ridiculous thing I have ever read on mn.

My 10 week old certainly doesnt do that, and neither do most of the babies from my nct class.

Genuinely angry at that!

YANBU. I was you for years until DD was older. No partner, no support, full time work and sole parent (only one child though). DD was as private school for primary years and I also paid for early morning care so that I could structure my commute to London and just about be back to pick her up at 6pm. That's when I'd hear about the exhausting days of the mothers who'd just rushed from their tennis lesson to their nail appointment (yes, really) and hadn't stopped all day.

Slightly reminds me of my DM telling my DSis how our DF couldn't possibly use a walking stick temporarily because of the humiliation. My BIL had been wheelchair bound with MS for only a few weeks at the time.

OP, it really does get better and you so appreciate the time and space when you have it.

Well i have been that stay at home person. Had similar comments chucked at mine. My husband works away all week and then i'm also trying to get better from chronic fatigue syndrome. My friend who is a single parent kids go to their dad's 3 nights a week so has loads of time. Every situation has a unique set of circumnstances. We all need to be kinder to each other and support each other instead of this judgey shit!

OP you said My friend is a smug married with a perfect life. Genuinely.

Why put other people down? I don't get it. So she has a relatively easy life - good for her! You sound a bit envious of her good fortune and pissed off that she dare have any complaints about it.

It's this competitive business nonsense. Everyone is allowed to feel tired but just because you are busier than her, doesn't mean your life is more tiring or any more difficult than hers is.

Op I'm not sure you did make it clear that you were only having a go at certain married mothers or this particular friend:

I'm sick of mums with school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining that they're tired and have so much to do

I think this is why you haven't had universal sympathy and agreement because you've lumped everybody in together.

I suppose maybe some posters, including me, are a bit fed up with this tendency to group everyone together and to maybe not see that there maybe more going in people's lives than we realise from the outside.

Apologies that people have picked up on my smug married quote, but that's kind of what I took from your post.

Is there any chance that you could ask this friend to provide you with a bit of practical support? You certainly sound like you could do with it.

I think yab a bitu, you don't really know how tired your friend or work colleague are or what else is going on with them because you are not them. I will agree though you have it hard to do all that on your own but you need to accept everyone's problems well are just that.....problems. Some people live in relationships and do it all too remember.

Put it this way your kids are starving you are starving you have to use a food bank but they turn you away because there are hungrier people in third world countries!!! Thats kind of your attitude...."I don't care how hard you have it look how I trump you by how hard iv got it" it won't get you far in life.

Right I typed the above before rtft (im good at that) so your problem is with your friend!!! Your title does not say "problem with friend being insensitive" it's stereotyping at its worst. Distance yourself if you think your friend is selfish.

I have mixed feelings about this. I'm also a single working parent. I get up at 6am, drop DS to school, get to work for 10, work solid until 2, then rush to pick up DS, home, cook dinner, play with DS, bath, story, bed, then dishes, stick the washing in, hoover, etc etc. I work a couple of evenings a week in a pub too to bring in a bit of extra cash. DS does see his dad but he works shifts including weekends so usually has him in the week, which means I don't really have a chance to do much as I'm at work the next day. I am always tired. But on the other hand I really love my life. I see a lot of threads on here from SAHM who are abused by their husband in some way, be it emotional or financial or whatever and feel trapped because they can't afford to leave. That kind of life would be way more stressful than mine. Everyone has their own problems.

I don't think YABU, I don't work full time. I am a single mum to 2 disabled children, I get up early, load the kids into taxis, go to the gym, go to work (4 hours), come home, clean the house, feed the dc's, take them swimming some evenings and then battle to get them to sleep. I don't moan about being tired as I know there are people working full time and juggling kids.

I don't know many women who don't work, it's harder to be a SAHM now, I know toddlers can be tiring so I won't judge thoughts with under 5's but thought with school age children should not really be moaning about being tired, they have 6 hours a day child free which is plenty to clean the house and sort out dinner?

Sahm with kids at school age are lucky!

but thought with school age children should not really be moaning about being tired, they have 6 hours a day child free which is plenty to clean the house and sort out dinner?
And you've completely missed the point many ppl are making that everyone has different circumstances, which you don't know about

but thought with school age children should not really be moaning about being tired, they have 6 hours a day child free which is plenty to clean the house and sort out dinner? - They shouldn't? All of them?
They may also be suffering with depression or another illness that leaves them feeling constantly exhausted. They my also be doing volunteer work, they could be caring for a sick/elderly relative. There would be a number of reasons why they don't all have 6 hours free in the day or why they may be feeling tired - none of those things are really your business so you probably wouldn't know about them.

Your original comment is unreasonable. Everybodys life is different. Everybody finds things hard! Just because someone is a different type of tired than you are, honestly! Next time someone's crying because they're sad about something would you say you deserve to be sadder than them because your situation is worse?

Your problem is your friend herself not her general life situation. In fact, if you speak about her so nastily and she spends all her time winding you up and moaning why are you even friends?

Sahm with kids at school age are lucky! - Well not all of them are surely? My sons half sister is severely disabled, I wouldn't even have the time to list all that she has wrong with her! I don't consider her SAHM to be lucky and she has every right to feel exhausted.

I mean, it's not a competition. My life probably looks easy from the outside. Dh earns good money, school aged dc, large house, no worries right? Except dc has health problems, dh works a lot, large house is time consuming to clean, one of my parents has cancer, I run around myself doing all the after school clubs, cook dinner, grocery shopping, organise all the doctor appointments, and I study. I have friends that are single parents though so I feel like I have no right to complain, because at least I have help when dh is around and I don't have financial stress. But I'm still bloody tired. Bloody tired.

People are different. Some people can cope with a lot and others can't.
I know one mum who has four children and three dogs, works full time from 4 pm until 11 pm 5 days a week. She has a rubbish husband who does nothing apart from watch the children whilst she is at work. She does all the DIY and decorating, all the cooking and cleaning. She IS exhausted all the time but just gets on with it,
The other mum has 2 children at school stays at home and her husband works long hours. He looks after the children all weekend and any evening he is back from work early and he does all the cooking at weekend. She moans all the time how tired she is and how much she has to do.
Some people do need a reality check.

Semi I think OP is talking about people she knows are not ill or have elderly parents to look after? I'm talking about people I know (I only know a couple woman who don't work), they don't have other things going on, their husbands have good jobs so they don't need to work which is fair enough.

I think it's a British thing for people to moan all the time about being tired, most of us have busy life's and other things going on but I can see how someone who works FT and is a single parent can find it annoying when someone who doesn't work moans about being tired.

Most people I know are constantly tired TBH- specially the ones with multiple kids. It's just bloody constant low level demanding.

Maybe she chose you to speak to because she thought you'd be more likely to relate to TATT syndrome?

It doesn't have to be a competition. Be excellent to each other.

Isn't it the rule that you never moan to someone in a more difficult position than yourself

Yeah, you need new friends. I have friends who complain about their one year old waking up a few times during the night for the first time in months and I think "cry me a river" - I have twins who've never slept more than a couple of hours, one with a serious health condition that requires constant monitoring, and three painful and exhausting chronic illnesses that are currently kicking my arse. But sure, I'm sure to them they feel exhausted but it doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me!

I think anyone constantly complaining about anything is wearing on the nerves tbh.

A married SAHP constantly complaining about their lot.

A single parent constantly complaining about their lot.

It's just annoying full stop really, so best to change the subject if you can, rather than get into a battle of the bores.

I actually think people genuinely have different energy levels. I mean, I'm bipolar so I know it's more exaggerated with me, but even on meds and largely on an even keel, I notice that I can go from 'it is fucking overwhelming getting out of bed and walking down the stairs' when I'm in a low patch to 'I can do everything on four hours sleep and be cheerful with it'. I sort of assume most people tend to live on the spectrum somewhere in between, but that's still variable.

Work expands to fill the time available.

If you want something done, give it to a busy person.

I know which of these I would rather be most like....

Don't think you're jealous per she, but you sound like you resent having to do everything.