To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

if you ever had a puppy who is "crying" all night and you haven't had a good night sleep in a week, you would be more sympathetic

Puppies are tiring. Babies are tiring. Boring people are tiring.

How about my mum then. Healthy retired but now lives alone following divorce.

'oh God I'm exhausted. I'm just shattered. I can't even.

What have you been up to mum?

' oh well yesterday I mowed the lawn, cooked a meal, cleaned up, I didn't sit down until 9'

Its a flymo and a tiny lawn. And she doesn't get up til lunchtime.

OK well all I have on my plate mum is a full time job and a small kid so do you want me to come round and tidy up after your cooking? Retirement must be soooooo demanding...

YANBU OP. I know someone who didn't work and who had a cleaner! She used to moan about not having time to do stuff. Funnily enough, when her youngest started school she trained as a teacher and found out what hard work really was like.

My dc are now older but when they were small I only worked part time. I had loads of time to do "me"stuff - coffee with friends, long walks, as well as keep on top of the school stuff and housework. Dh pulled his weight but worked ft so I did most of it. Easiest time of my life.

YABU. Kind of. Yes you probably have it harder than many of them. But people are entitled to be tired, fed up, pissed off etc and express their feelings about life without having it constantly measured up against some higher ideal of tiredness or pissed-offness. It's not a competition. I work part time and undoubtedly have it easy compared with my dh. Does that mean I am never allowed to say I'm tired, for fear of offending him?

Some women can get extreme fatigue due to changing hormones in perimenopause. She wouldn't even necessarily know if it was this, so you wouldn't either. Yet it's a genuine thing.

I think YABU your posts read like tiredness top trumps. If anyone is old enough to recall the Monty Python Yorkshiremen 'we grew up poorer than you' sketch is what this thread reminds me of (replace poor with being tired).

How do you know your friend has a 'perfect' life? Why mention the "3 foreign holidays since May", it sounds like jealousy.

I cannot bear it when people berate "childless" people for being tired either as if it's only parents who are allowed to experience this.

Okay so you may not have set out to be a single parent, and yes, it is hard, but FGS be a good friend and either let her know you find her remarks tactless and be honest about it or ditch the friendship as it sounds like you're never going to be there for her as in your mind, your difficult circumstances will forever trump hers.

YANBU! I'd ignore any whingeing posts too. Or text her back with a list of everything you do all day, say that she has far fewer things to do than you do, and you don't see why she's so tired, but you'd appreciate it if she would stop moaning to you about being tired.

Is she generally a good friend?

To be fair, one does tend to have less energy as one gets older, even without any particular health issues. I used to do all sorts of stuff 20 years ago that it makes me tired just to think about nowadays. It might be partly psychological rather than physical, but then that's fair enough. Brains get knackered too.

Stand back everyone and watch the judging we do.

We don't know each other and the lil details. We are addicted to the drama. Sometimes you have choices and sometimes you dont. That's OK.

It's the moaning. It's so important not to. It's the comparing. It's really important not to. But the judging? None of us like to be judged by others yet we do it all the time. It helps to stop this.

I think you need to step away/slow fade this friendship.

I have a very successful friend who works 4 days a week in a fabulous job, has a beautiful house she's renovated and had the most solid marriage of anyone I know. Her family adore her, she's always got friends over....but she can't have children. And it's twisted her.

We used to be BFFs. I'm pregnant with my second and 2017 has been my Waterloo; unemployment and financial trouble have stalked us and we've had hugely exhausting shit to deal with thanks to a house falling round our ears.

I've had DH around for weeks and I've got one DD and am 36 weeks pregnant. I've been sensitive with former BFF but have just had enough of her obvious disdain that I've got "nothing to complain about" because the combined earning potential of DH and I is quite hefty plus I'm pregnant again.

Different situation to you OP, YANBU however, cut your mate loose. It's only just dawned on me my BFF actually obviously dislikes me and it cuts to the bone. Better to either tell her straight and burn that bridge or ghost her and live with any guilt.

sounds as if she's a bit dense and you're a bit oversensutive. Nobody wins so kill the friendship. Don't hurt her feelings unnecessarily.

I got the feeling OP wasnt moaning about her 'friend' being tired or mentioning it but it sounds like she's bombarding her with texts telling her how tired and busy she is. Who says 'sorry I couldn't text you' if you have nothing to reply to or talk about? That is irritating in the extreme. If thats the case she probably is confusing tiredness with boredom.

The thing is, people could say that about me. My life looks perfect. I have a lovely DH, 2 DDs and 4 cats. And a lovely detached house which we've extended to 4 bedrooms. I wouldn't complain to a woh single mum, because I know how it would look.

But I have depression and PTSD from childhood SA. My DM depends on me emotionally to deal with her pain; I understand why because she's a very private person and won't talk to a therapist. (She's 78 and won't change now.) M DSis has better boundaries than me. My DB has MH problems and she's been looking out for him and has finally realised she can't cope any more. My DDs are adopted because I went through infertility; DD1 has Attachment Disorder and my DH and I are exhausted by her needs.

So, get my drift? I'm drained. So yes, I probably look like a 'smug married', but if you haven't walked in my shoes you just wouldn't know.

You don't sound like you even like your friend much. You say you haven't had a conversation for weeks, and refer to her as a smug married who sits on her fat arse

I don't understand competitive business. People who have to be busy and if they have down time, won't use it to relax or unwind, they find other tasks that need doing because they seem to think being busy makes them morally superior.

You only live once. If people are fortunate enough not to have to work, why shouldn't they enjoy themselves? There's nothing morally superior about working 60 hours a week, getting up at 5am and only getting six hours sleep.

Yes, some people need to work for the money and do struggle, but if you don't have to, why on earth would you?!

To be fair my house would be a lot tidier if my DH moved out. The kids have nothing on him 🙄

Re: textual bombardment; yeah, it's the fucking pits when you're strung out and you've got 10 what's app messages from the same person ninnying on about shit.

Reading them equals the blue tick cue another 10 messages "u ok Hun, u go so quiet when stressed"

I'm projecting too hard on this thread

OP, has your friend always been like this or is it new?

If she's always been like this, what do you get out of the friendship? It sounds like you help her and she does sweet fuck all for you.

If it's changed maybe ask why.

She sounds like a thoughtless self-indulgent idiot. She'd get short shrift from me.

Maybe OP Could make her life easier?

"I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes. "

Why is she getting up at 5.30am?

Cooking? Batch cook some eg trays of lasagne. Pop in oven. Done.

Cleaning the house? Every night. Why?

Wash? Every night. Surely you could do a wash every other night of a school shirt, boxers and socks. School Trousers can be worn again the next day.

Maybe give diy and decorating, a night off.

Some people who complain of being tired have health conditions. But if it's not, then it's probably because you have too much on and need to cut down.

If s schoo mum complained she was very tired but her 2 children do activities 4 nights a week, we could suggest she could cut that down to 3 a week?

If another complains of being tired and does various activities, various clubs, helps out at church etc, whilst going to work full time and going to the gym regularly, then it would be sensible to suggest she cuts out church help, or cuts down on gym.

some of the complaints of of tiredness are from people who really need to cut down on what they say yes to.

Anyone who has been a single working parent knows you are absolutely in the right OP. You need better friends! Stick with the ones who are considerate, fun (fun people are energy boosting, avoid moaners!), and those who demonstrate intelligence

It's all relative. I'm a SAHM/Granny who looks after my very little grandkids x2 days a week, have 2 DDs still at home (19,21) and a hyper dog plus DH! I'm helping DH out at work part time at the mo too, look after my elderly parents and somehow cram in all the housework, shopping, cooking, DIY, car cleaning, gardening and helping DD out with the grandkids and I'm permanently bloody knackered. DH works around 70+ hours a week and is a rare sight at home. I'm trying to do 15000 steps with my Fitbit, lose weight and there aren't enough hours in the day. But the things in my life are there because I chose to do them, I guess.

YANBU

I agree that your friend is insensitive as surely she must realise that your life is exhausting as a single working parent of 3 kids. Just wanted to say it sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

I'm married, work part time and have one 2 year old. My DH has been overseas for 2 weeks (back in a couple of days) and I'm fucking knackered. It is relentless when you don't have someone to 'tag in' at home and I have a new appreciation for parents that do this on their own as the norm. I am 33 weeks pregnant so I'm particularly tired at the moment but still. Your friend would do my head in!

TimeForTea73 "It's the moaning. It's so important not to. It's the comparing. It's really important not to. But the judging? None of us like to be judged by others yet we do it all the time. It helps to stop this."

This x 1000.

Don't judge. Just don't.

I'm a SAHM to 2 SN kids. DS is at school, DD is with me. I have one person in particular who tells me how easy I have it. She has one 5yo, she works, has a husband who helps a lot but because she also works (and apparently being a full time carer is not work) she has a much harder life than me. I try not to judge as everyone has their own battles but honestly, she has no idea how hard and exhausting my life is. FWIW I would actually love to be able to work - it would feel like a holiday!!

YANBU
I have no issue with people being tired, having tough days, etc no matter what their circumstances are like we all have days like that but to bitch and moan at a single mum who works full time is just plain insensitive.
I work part-time I have 3 school age kids so I do school run, rush to work for 5 hours rush back to collect kids from school, then do homework, cleaning, extra curricular taxiing, dinner, bedtime etc (husband often has to work away). My friend who has 2 school age children and is a sahm is constantly moaning at how hard being with the kids all the time is and I wouldn't understand because I work. I am blue in the face reminding her that I am with my kids as much as she is with hers only difference is I also have to work 5 hours when she is getting all the other jobs done and she has a cleaner! Yes we make different life choices and I will admit I am slightly envious that she doesn't have to work but why is she constantly moaning about it to me who obviously has it slightly tougher

YANBU

You are doing a fabulous job, ignore your daft friend she hasn't a clue.