To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

I do wonder why so many people moan about so-called friends who seem to only make them miserable. What is the point? A friend is supposed to be someone you kind of like having in your life???

I love my job and would never complain about it, but it's certainly not easy. It's very stressful, sometimes dangerous, with impossible targets, never leave on time, barely scrape any breaks and work at home in the evening.

Mittens, we have been very good friends for years and this issue has been maybe a few months. So it's not that simple.

I work full time hours, term time only. I have 2 pre school aged DC. And an extremely supportive husband. I'm always exhausted. But I wouldn't change it. I think your friend is insensitive to message you that but she isn't unreasonable to feel tired. It's all relative.
Keep going OP. It gets easier (so I've been told!)

I'm waiting for baby, v v heavily pregnant but rest in school and life is easy peasy! Dh works away and we have pets n house, washing, cleaning but with 6 hours no one under my feet everything is done my mid day latest and I have loads of free time! I'm organised but don't feel I particularly need to be. Op I am genuinely in awe of lone parents that work especially full time! I don't know how you fit it all in. I work pt usually and those days are just so packed! If your friends are that tired, from day to day life with school age children and no job I'd advice them to consult a doc! Something can't be right!

@sloeginforever, I understand, in that case it's your mate you need to be telling this too, rather than on mumsnet. This will fester if you don't, and you'll end up falling out with her badly.

I would also suggest blood tests to your friend. It is possible that she's anemic and genuinely lacks energy.

This annoys me as much as:

1. people telling me I'm not a real parent because I adopted two children.
2. people who buy their six year olds an iphone.
3. people who excuse their bratty kids by saying they are "just expressing themselves" when they are knocking down the crisp display in Tesco and rolling jaffa oranges down the veg aisle.
4. people 'friends' who already have four kids, a husband who doesn't work due to health reasons (will happily spend the day asleep on the sofa or in the spare room on the games console) but will use the health excuse not to drive his kids to school and then bitch about not having cash for public transport, and the wife doesn't work because she can't get work in her profession, then proudly announces this morning that the fifth child is on the way ...

Yes, each family has it's own way of working and yes, we are all running around like idiots, we are all tired, but we are all masters of our own destiny. If you are tired, stop doing something!

After a bad night, full time job, sorting out the kid and kidult, cat, washing machine and shopping for birthday cake candles, I came home and went to bed for an hour - the cat followed me. Heaven! No-one died, the dust bunnies didn't arrange themselves into a monster and I felt much better when I came downstairs to make tea when husband got in from his full time job.

9am to 3pm is not a full days work
Sorry just saying

OP, I've got three kids and a partner, just gone back to work and am knackered.
If you do all that on your own you deserve a bloody medal.

They sound v selfish. Take no notice or say lol are you serious. I've been up since 5.30, been on the go working all day, then cooking and cleaning for the last 18 hours.

Women judging other women for what they perceive as being less worthy claims to exhaustion / difficulties etc etc than they are. Some people appear to have blessed circumstances, some people seem to be fighting uphill battles- but ultimately most people are doing their very best.

If your friend is finding her situation exhausting at present, try accepting that without instantly comparing her life to yours where all you can see is stark contrast that you feel gives you the monopoly on tiredness. If you've been friends for a long time, why not be honest with how you are feeling- because this says more about you than it does her. She feels like she can sound off to you and here you are judging and resentful.

I've been a FT working parent, a PT working parent, and a SAHM. I've had my OH in my life and supporting, and also very absent. I've had varying degrees of exhaustion with all 3 situations!! But never have I had a mate turn around and tell me my thoughts / feelings / musings are just not important because their life is more difficult.

Coffeeandcherrypie I don't know why my friend has taken only 5 days annual leave this year but as I said in my original thread, she has it good working only 25 hours a week and compared to nearly everyone on this thread, she has nowhere near a stressful life

Isn't that the whole point though glad. If you knew your mates life was harder you wouldn't moan. No one has the monopoly on tiredness but it goes without saying op who works full time, no partner help and 3 kids will be more tired than I am at present with 6 hours 5 days a week all to myself and no work to go to! That's common sense surly?

Sloe, if this is a relatively new complaint, maybe you could listen more closely bc she could be sick and not realize it.

I have been sick all summer but as out was a gradual illness, i didn't realize until i was very sick.

Life is difficult for most of us. But this thread has fallen from the point, your friend is tired...instead of looking at the obvious, look beyond the words?

Babies don't tend to chew you or piddle all over the kitchen floor in the middle of the night before deciding it's playtime and they simply must start bouncing.

What? Yes they do, this is exactly what babies do, except it's our bed rather than the kitchen floor

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato that's exavtly what DD does

And I'm too knackered to spell exactly lol

Your friend needs to piss off and go moan to someone else

I'd reply to her text and feign concern while letting her know that you too are tired....something like:

"Gosh you seem to be tired a lot. Maybe your iron is low or you need to start taking multivitamins? Might be worth going to the doctor? I know I'm absolutely shattered all the time but it's the 5:30am starts, 3 school runs, the full day at work on top of taking care of the kids and house on my own that's killing me. Wonder if I'll ever get used to these nonstop 18 hour days lol!"

Hope things get easier for you soon OP!

YABU
Rather than focusing on how tired you are as a single Mum working and raising three kids, stand back and firstly celebrate that you are physically able to do all that like Super Mum but also stop and ask why is your friend so tired in spite of not working and being married

• Is her tiredness being caused by anything such as

• nutrient deficiencies
• early onset of ME

-Insomnia

• a stressful relationship
• too much voluntary work
• boredom
• depression

Until you know, please don't judge
as her text could be a cry for help from someone she trusts to give good advice and be sympathetic

You're amazing. I don't know how you do it.

I take iron when I am feeling tired after a couple of weeks I feel on the mend.

Changing to the autumn season doesn't help though it is often tiring.

I am so with you sloeginforever. I am on my own with 4 boys (and an 18mo pup 😁) fortunately my eldest is 22 and at work so sorts himself. I get up at 5.30 get myself dressed etc make packed lunches and put on a wash. Get up 3 moany boys and have to dress the youngest who is refusing to get out of bed, moan at the others to hurry up. Leave at 6.30 to drop them off (three different places) and complete my 20mile journey to work. Then do the reverse and home. I then have to moan at them to help with the house work (including the 22yo) sort out clothes for tomorrow etc and crawl into bed. I check Facebook to see a SAHM friend say she was so busy she ouldn't fit in the gym. Gym? What's that?. My shopping is click and collect because I got fit shopping in. My amazing cousin shops for PE kits etc that I can't do online, and SAHM couldn't fit in the Gym? 😲

Purple why get a puppy? Why make pack lunches? Instead of making pack lunches you could you exercise. It's about how you prioritise your time. I had a friend who was always stressed and tired and complaining about her busy life. She had 3 kids 2 dogs 2 cats and a 20 a day habit. It's about the choices you make.

As an aside, I cannot imagine what possesses already busy people to get a bloody dog. They're demanding of your time, attention and money, they restrict your other activities and they smell.
At least with a hamster someone else can easily look after it.

Apologies, but I'm so not into dogs. So much better for a quieter time of life imo.

Yanbu op and I'm in bloody awe of you. I was a single parent after DH died and worked full time, albeit school hours and it was so tough with 2 DC. Most nights i didn't sit down till 11pm and would be up at 5am.
I have a new DP and a 10 week old baby plus DD and DS. I work for DP part time from home. I wake up at 5.30, have a load of washing done, all bedrooms tidy and beds made and house hoovered and floors mopped before the school run (this has become habit since being a single parent). I then work until about midday then in the afternoon I go for a long walk with the baby or we go to a baby group. Then when DP and kids come home, I do all the cooking and cleaning up while DP does paperwork and then we take it in turns each night to watch the kids whilst the other goes for a run or he sometimes goes to the gym or we might all go swimming as a family. I'm not going to lie, I live the fucking life of Riley but I'll forever be in awe of women like you. You're fabulous.