To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

@lobsterquadrille2 just seen your example. Wow. 😔 that's a pretty horrific level of insensitivity and lack of self awareness. My sympathies to your sister and her husband.

TheVoiceofTreason. What a lovely, perfectly summed up post. Thank you.

If she's been your friend since you had your first child, she must know about your marriage to an abusive twat and your subsequent divorce and need to keep the children away from him. Yet she can't have any empathy for your situation? I doubt the OP needs to find any empathy for her friend if she can't even afford her the common courtesy of choosing a different audience for her whining.

I have ME/CFS and chronic pain. My friends complain they are tired and/or feel unwell, have a bit of pain etc. They coo and sigh at eachother. In my head, it's going. "You don't have a clue." Because they don't. I don't burden them with my worries and health either because they wouldn't understand.

I'm iller and more fatigued than either of them could ever be. I can't work so I'm disabled and when I'm less ill, I'm bored. Other times, I wish I were dead because I feel so ill. The pain is so bad I don't talk about it as I would break down. So I just shut my mouth and smile to myself in the knowledge their ignorance is bliss. They are both quite physically robust.

I have another friend, who is less physically robust. She gets it and whenever she complains, she qualifies its nowhere near as bad as me. I can assure her it's fine for her to complain and she doesn't have to be concerned with my feelings on that score. She is my friend.

I do get where you are coming from. However, I would be concerned in her situation as this appears to be a relatively new phenomenon and could be a health indicator.

It's not about it being a "competition", it's about tact and sensitivity and choosing your audience

Yes, very very true.

Yup I get that too. Stuns me every time.

Yanbu. Don’t get me started on the part timers who only work term time people at work who complain about being exhausted. One of them said to me the other week about someone who hadn’t done something for her ‘we all have the same amount of hours in the day’. We do. But not all of us start work at 10 and finish at 3 on only 3 days a week then have 13 weeks holiday a year. Boils my piss.

I feel for you. Your life sounds stressful and hard but I hope it is rewarding as you are achieving a lot. I work hard all day and then have a v rushed hour commute to pick up my daughter and then do all the evening care five days a week, plus I do most of the cleaning etc so I understand exactly how you feel. My best friend works 3 days a week and her child is at school and she complains about being exhausted, ill and tired all the time. I know she is much more fragile than I am, she also suffers from insomnia and she has always been more of a weak and ill person in general. I would push myself to soldier on through adversity and minor illness whereas she can't and is quite often off work sick. I am not overly sympathetic to her and I do change the subject fairly quickly when she complains about tiredness etc but I try not to be judgmental because we are different people. And I would rather be sturdy and brave like me than suffer all the time like she does, even if I am having to work harder. Stay positive, feel proud of your determination and hard work and try not to let her perception of her hardship annoy you because making your life as good as it can be given your circumstances is where you should focus your energy. Xx

I'm a SAHM with a husband who works such ridiculous hours that I do it all. It's lonely, hard work and if someone pukes, cries, has a nightmare at night it's me who deals with it. Don't judge all SAHMs. Some get support from their partners. For others it's a full time job. And then some. My sympathy is with you because raising kids is hard work, especially when you get little to no back up.

lol sloe from the way you wrote one of your posts it sounds like your friend actually has three husbands! That would help! . Seriously, though, I have a lot of respect for what you achieve on a daily basis. I am SAHM and probably achieve less around the house than you do!! (I do have a toddler at home though)

Well said Froglette. Not all sahms have partners who are quite so supportive. I'm lucky if I actually get a phone call in 15 hours, let alone do half the cooking & cleaning!
Have experienced both worlds, and circumstances with my children, are such that I can't return to work full time yet, even if I could, I don't think DH would be in any position to be able to help. And yes there are days when I do get tired, is that a crime? Funnily enough, I've recently reduced contact with one friend who has no family and works full time. She seems to think I have oodles of time on my hands and my life is a leisurely doddle. Having messaged her recently with a not too dissimilar text to the OPs friend, I had a sarcastic reply that said stop moaning, at least I could spend the day having a nap!!! Given I was sat in a hospital at the time with my youngest, I was fuming! People can think what they want about my life, but until you walk the same shoes, you are wrong to judge.

I'm a single parent to 2 teenagers who need lift everywhere, work full time. Studying for a degree and do 2 nights a week and some weekends volunteering
Exhausted does not come close!

My dh makes a huge amount of mess! My house never gets tidy for long. If he goes away for work it's actually tidier. Whilst I agree with you, remember the Mums who have a chronic illness. I'm frequently tired, I now work and my house is a mess (my dh also has a chronic illness). You might think I have it easy but then you don't see me falling asleep on the sofa from exhaustion before waking up to cook dinner. Be careful not to judge.

But Froglette is it not the case that a working, single parent has to deal with all night time pukes, crying, nightmares and still get up and go to work?

I think yabu in as much as some people have undiagnosed conditions that makes them exhausted even if they haven't actually done anything.

Thing is we get this in all walks of life. I don't have children but run my own business that is stressful. I have friends SAHMs who comment how great it must be for me to have my own time and be able to take any time off that I want. They haven't a bloody clue at all, especially worse are those with nannies and wealthy husbands. They have zero idea of stress but think they do as it normally involves things like MIL coming to stay for one night, or woe betide hubby who might be back late when the babysitter has cancelled and they have a girls night out planned. I love the ones who do vocational work and tell me they are so exhausted they really need a holiday. Chin up and soldier on.

It can be tiring being a SAHM but equally I would think most normal people wouldn't make a complaint of it to a single parent

I used to moan all the time I was tired. And that was before I had a baby! I kinda wanna go back in time and punch myself in the face

I was a sahm and i worked 18 years. It was easier working. I had breaks, lunches, time to concentrate on my job without children climbing, playing. arguing EVERY minute.

My dh works out of town and is moving back soon. I am worried about the work that he creates. He is sloppy, wants meals vs the way dc and i eat and never just relaxes. I expect that i will be far more busy than i am now.

I think that you have a difficult time but the rest of us perhaps feel comfortable confiding to you bc we think that you would understand fatigue; not expecting that you think that our lives are toast and tea. Yes, some people are selfish and obtuse but all of us have burdens.

OP, I'd suggest your friend needs to get her iron levels checked.

A good comeback (if you want one) - my DGM used to say, "Well, go to bed then!" every time I said I was knackered. Try that and she'll probably stop!

I was a single working mum for 5 years and before that was with an alcoholic partner who was no support. I'm in a relationship now with a single dad and we raise 5 kids between us. You are not being unreasonable to expect friends to realise their insensitivity but as I found, it is down to experience. The mums with supportive partners just simply don't get it. They feel brave for coping when hubby is away for a weekend and they've had to deal with one child on their own. Boo fucking hoo. The worst are those who claim to be single parents in all but name as their other halves work. Wow.

Keep on keeping on OP.

Used to be a GP, worked 60 hours weekly plus 2 out of hours sessions. Involved with my kids activities. Did the usual man chores and helped with housework. Bit of running. Never felt tired.
Am now SAH husband. 2dc 4 and 9. Do everything. Wife is GP. Run four times a week. Never tired.
THEN I GOT AN INJURY. Can't run. Sitting around a lot.
Knackered!

My DH is a SAHP to 2 secondary school DC. He knows he lives the life of riley and never complains of tiredness. Although has a tendency to fall asleep on the sofa much earlier than me of an evening!

YANBU, says this SAHM.

Your friend is extremely self-centered-- looks like she has yet to notice that you are a single mom. I have a "friend" like that. She complained for MONTHS about what a horrible burden it was on her to have to sell her father's multi-million dollar mansion so that she may keep the cash. I sat and listen to her for MONTHS! Stupid me. Oh, and as soon as she got her millions, she took up with an old flame and dumped her very nice DH!