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Original poster

To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

485 replies

sloeginforever · 18/09/2017 22:55

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

OP posts:
BeerBaby · 19/09/2017 18:21

Yabu to judge and compare how others feel. Everyone feels like they have it tough. I'm married, work PT and have 2 school aged children. Working part time and having the DC in school feels marvellous.

My dh is only home often enough to eat, make a mess and sleep.

I do everything from house to garden to school etc. The weeks he works away are infinitely easier as I've only got me and the DC to feed and manage. My DC don't sleep well. Ive not slept more that 6 hours in months. I've not got family who are able to help. My 2 off days are spent caring for parents or in laws.

I don't think I'm more or less tired than anyone. I just know that for me. I'm tired. It's not a competition. Once again I'm saying can't we just all support each other instead of playing the 'my life is so hard' game.

Sienna333 · 19/09/2017 18:31

Interesting. I left a thread about my childless friend who works 25 hours a week and was saying she felt stressed as she had only had 5 days off. Everyone jumped on me for it but I was only saying what a lot of people have said here.

Mittens1969 · 19/09/2017 18:32

You're saying she didn't use to complain like that? It's possible there's a medical cause, like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or that she's anemic, for example. Or it could be depression now the DCs are in school.

It's a change in her, that's the thing. It could be nothing, maybe she's simply bored, but don't rule out a possible cause.

Borninatrap · 19/09/2017 18:44

I'm in exactly the same position as you OP, do FT shifts in a hospital. I work with a beautiful bunch of newly graduated 22 year old girls who live at home with their parents and are forever complaining how tired and skint they are.

Then they look at me LP, 3DC's a pet tortoise, pushing 40 and pissing constant UTI's and they shut up Smile

I've got to the point where I have to stop comparing myself and my situation with others and just smile benignly. It's exhausting and relentless but we are doing it and it won't always be like this (I really really fucking hope!).

Original poster
sloeginforever · 19/09/2017 18:47

I haven't just jumped on her like it would seem I have from this thread. I have tried to investigate, support, suggest, be there. But there really doesn't seem to be anything going on. She always just says she fine, it's just I have no time to do xxx. I am close enough to know her marriage is happy. Her kids have been at school for a some years so even that isn't new. There's nothing to suggest she/anyone is ill.

OP posts:
ssd · 19/09/2017 18:50

seriously op, stop being so nice...she sounds as shallow as hell and well up her own arse, I couldn't take that from a friend for too long

Mittens1969 · 19/09/2017 18:56

Sounds like she's just taking the piss then imo. I realise that your kids are best friends with her kids, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with her moaning.

Or else moan back about how tough your life is, and how tired you are, she will then hopefully see how ridiculous she sounds.

Weebo · 19/09/2017 19:03

Christ, she's just having a moan to her mate.

You say she is a good friend and this is new? In your position, I would be genuinely worried about why she is so unhappy and let her vent.

Life ebbs and flows - Just because there is no obvious explanation doesn't mean everything is fine.

Lethaldrizzle · 19/09/2017 19:03

why do you have to get up at 5.30am?

VinIsGroot · 19/09/2017 19:04

Mum to disabled DS8 who doesn't sleep. 2am are his mornings. DH works so he can't do it!
Most of the time im knackered ....I don't work!

catbas · 19/09/2017 19:04

Everyone's tired, it's all relative. If you like her otherwise suck it up and accept that she feels tired regardless of whether you're having a competition on who is allowed to say they're tired / busy.

Original poster
sloeginforever · 19/09/2017 19:07

5:40 to shower, get ready for work, get the kids ready. First drop off needs to be 7:30, start work 8:30.

OP posts:
SongforSal · 19/09/2017 19:08

OP, I commented earlier on in the thread. I may have sounded a little harsh. However, as many of us have pointed out making comparisons between a person's tiredness levels is akin to measuring an invisible string.

If you are finding her annoying. Tell her. Failing that, reply with a 'mate. My week has been a bit hectic. I'm knackered. Talk later'

Alternatively, has it occurred to you she is just commiserating to her mate?!

Original poster
sloeginforever · 19/09/2017 19:09

That would be fine if it was two way

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 19/09/2017 19:11

i think you are the captain of your own ship, the choices you make in life, you have to live with and I am speaking as someone who has been a single mum and a married one! don't be a martyr, if you can't handle it, get a cleaner, bulk cook meals at the weekend, do less housework, change your kids nursery, there are changes you can make to make your life easier, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is just trying to get through life - doing the best they can with the tools and energy they have at the time.

Weebo · 19/09/2017 19:12

Can I ask - Before this all started were you the one who complained a lot?

Is it possible she got fed up first?

Mittens1969 · 19/09/2017 19:14

Is the issue that she has no concern about how tired you are? Because really she should be supporting you, she could surely help you with some of the school runs, as your kids are friends and she has time? It's what I would offer.

I do understand if that's what's getting to you.

Reppin · 19/09/2017 19:15

Do your children go to their dad's ever?

SongforSal · 19/09/2017 19:15

Then tell her. I have the opposite problem of listening to my incredibly well off mate, who had to let the nanny go. I was the first to highlight it was a bloody first world problem. If she's a mate, pull her on it as she is making you feel bad.

Or, text her and invite her round for the evening. You may find some even ground.

HelloSquirrels · 19/09/2017 19:17

I hear you! I work full time with a 1yo and dp does more hours then me so is rarely there to do pick us so I do 90% and every single wake up and drop off in the morning. Oh and I do the majority of cooking and cleaning. I really don't understand how it's so tiring being a sahp when your kids are at school?

Original poster
sloeginforever · 19/09/2017 19:21

Weebo. I'm not a complainer. I like my life. I don't moan about it. This thread is very unlike me!

Reppin not consistently and just the middle one. No other outside help.

But I don't mind. That's not what I'm complaining about. I guess just some sensitivity and understanding, maybe some support?

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 19/09/2017 19:22

You're right OP. I'm not saying being a SAHM is easy, but working FT and being a MUm is much harder! Mine are teens now and I've worked ft since they were 3 months old. It's bloody exhausting!

MargotLovedTom1 · 19/09/2017 19:25

Sloegin I don't think it would be petty to reply in that vein. It's irritating you.
A milder response would be to just reply "Tell me about it!!" and leave it at that.

nodogsinthebedroom · 19/09/2017 19:31

Poster on the first page complaining about "cats and trying to fit in the gym"

Ha!

My heart bleeds.

Lethaldrizzle · 19/09/2017 19:35

But it sounds like you are complaining as you are listing your long and arduous day

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