To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

You think her life is good. She's obviously finding it hard right now. You don't have the right to say she can't possibly be tired.
Be a friend or let her find more supportive friends who don't judge her.

Similar situation. I work, 3 kids to drop off in different places each day, DH works away for months at a time. I do it all. My SAHM friend recently messaged me to say how difficult her life was now her eldest child has started secondary. She has 2 different places to be before 830. I couldnt write back 'try doing 4 then a full days work' because it would be perceived as me being a bitch. So I didn't answer.

Or maybe she's a bit of a Moaning Myrtle who could do with a mild reality check. We don't know her; the OP does. She could try being a supportive friend to the OP, instead of it being something of a one way street.

I think this thread has established that we're all very tired

You don't have the right to say she can't possibly be tired.

Yes, because that's what OP said

Be a friend or let her find more supportive friends who don't judge her.

How is OP stopping her find other friends?!

You seriously lack empathy. Can you honestly not see that OP has it harder? It's as if you think OP having it hard diminishes you.

It probably isn't as good as it appears to be; as I said, people have all sorts of baggage in their lives that they don't share with their friends. My life looks wonderful on Facebook. I'm very good at hiding what's going on.

But either way, it doesn't seem to me as though even like this 'friend'. I did think a friend was supposed to be someone you liked. Not so on mumsnet it appears.

So because I'm now feeling like a judgey bitch, I just text saying how are you feeling, you feeling any better since you've been so tired lately? Got a rant about how after sorting the kids out all morning then having coffee with x at x, it only left a few hours to do the washing and ironing and how she didn't know how she would fit it in...

I think you need to slowly extract yourself from her. She doesn't seem like she adds anything to your life of all she can do is go on about how busy her social life is! You don't have time in your life for people who are so irritating to you. She will just take up headspace you being annoyed with her!

I get how you feel! I am doing too much at the moment and it's mad, I don't have patience for the people around me who are busy but appear to do nothing. (Although I work from home many days so suspect I probably look that from the outside!)

Just to add another dimension to this though! My hubby was working (and living) overseas for 8 months last year so from a practical pov I was a single parent to 3 kids for 8 months and actually it was easier than when he is here because I actively chose to do less, we didn't do extra activities, I ate with the kids earlier in the evening, we had a routine....now he's back it's just carnage every night, no routine, expectations of doing extra activities, family expect us to be around more and I am ten times more exhausted now than I was when he was away! I clearly need to focus in a bit more on our situation but as others have said, it's all relative.

I'm with you OP. Although my 3 are atschool their dad sees the on a Saturday (only sometimes these days but that's another thread) and I run my own business and am EXHAUSTED. On a daily basis. But I also don't know what it's like to sleep rough and have nothing to eat do I guess we just have to let the frustration go and realise that our experiences are all relative (as you said), and let it go.
Then install a punch bag and snack the shit out of it!

You're not alone x

Why do your kids go to 3 different schools?

*Love how people always jump on these threads with the old 'they might have a illness or a disabled relative' ,yes they might but a lot of people don't, some people are actually lazy, not everyone has an excuse.

And now OP is jealous because she's pointed out that they have been on holiday and have nice things hmm, is it not just ok to point out that some people moan about trivial things (like being tired) when other people are working their asses off to support their kids as a single parent?*

OP says she is having a tough time. She has, more or less, stated that some married friend she knows complains that she is tired. I wonder if OP knows the exact details of said friends life?? I very much doubt it!

Also why would OP be making a comparison between her life and someone else's? Everyone's lives are different, depending on their individual circumstances.. Maybe OP would like all mothers to be single parents so everyone is on a level playing field? 😏

You say you didn't choose to have a useless father to your 3 DC..
I would disagree. Surely you noticed he was useless and didn't need to continue to have more?

My kids go to 3 different schools because they are all different ages. That will change in 2 years and I will have only 2 schools to go to for a while.

OK sloegin there is your confirmation right there that she has very little self-awareness, and even less empathy.

"Try squeezing in washing and ironing after a full day at work and getting the kids sorted and off to bed on your tod! I'm dead on my feet 😴. Hope you get sorted. Catch up properly soon."

That's what I'd want to reply. I know people on here will say how petty but that wouldn't bother me tbh.

OP has hit the nail on the head really, but I think you get lazy gits anywhere. Lazy gits will find being a 'sahm' with a nanny/cleaner exhausting but they tend to do no better at work and are also the type to leave jobs unfinished and clock-watch. Thankfully not all sahm are lazy gits.

Lawn, if you end up with a good husband, that's often down to luck than your superior judgement.
It only takes one affair to turn what you thought was a loving husband into a selfish arse, for example.

A lot of places have different state schools for different ages.

Infant
Junior
Secondary
Sixth form college

A lot of them are a fair distance from each other.

Some people - you don't know the ins and outs and how hard life might be.

Some people - are genuinely lazy bastards.

I knew my SIL very very well. She just met up for coffee with friends all day. She didn't do housework, or anything other than spend money. And moan she was so busy doing nothing

DH's cousin, who he did know very well, again she didn't work, both kids at school, coffees/gym classes, had a cleaner, yet she moaned life was hard - only skiing 2 weeks this year instead of 3

So yes, some hidden hardships can go on, but some wouldn't know a hard days work if it smacked them in the face

lawn some people don't turn into arseholes straight away. You yourself might have been lovely once.

It could just be your friend is very, very unhappy with her life (and won't admit it naturally) and it's making her 'tired'. Sometimes being miserable makes you exhausted (I know that doesn't make sense but it does).

You yourself might have been lovely once.

I do get the annoyance with her, she's clearly very self-absorbed. What I'm wondering is what do you get out of this friendship? If she irritates you so much (which I understand) why not pull back a bit from her?

Margot, I guess I started this thread because that was what I was about to reply last night; but then thought I sounded like a cow and it was petty, so I didn't reply.

It's difficult as we have been friends since the children were babies, kids are all best mates, we are in the same friendship group, socialise every few weeks etc. She has been a good friend to me, and whilst this is relatively new - since maybe the middle of last term - it is now starting to grate.

Yes I said earlier in the thread, nursery, primary and secondary. We didn't get any of our three secondary choices so it's a million miles away. Trying to change the primary to closer but it's full. Same with nursery.