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Original poster

To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

485 replies

sloeginforever · 18/09/2017 22:55

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

OP posts:
NewDaddie · 19/09/2017 11:50

Yanbu & I hope your dc look after you & spoil you when they're bigger OP.

I agree with pp it's too much time on their hands, boredom and general can't be arsedness that makes them feel tired.

NewDaddie · 19/09/2017 11:52

My husband contributes to about 60% of my exhaustion. Husbands are hard work sometimes.

Hmm
DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 19/09/2017 11:52

My husband contributes to about 60% of my exhaustion. Husbands are hard work sometimes.
Now THAT I have to concurr with

nigelsbigface · 19/09/2017 11:53

I also just got a second dog... its made my life 9 times worse in terms of stress and tiredness...love her but my god!
YANBU op... i have friends that don't work, are married, have family support nearby-all
Of which are the opposite of me...and yes they still moan they are tired or 'don't have time' to do stuff... but it's all relative-they are in their own routines and it hard for them to see Outside of them, in the same way that it's hard for me, from the perspective of working full time in a full on job, caring for two kids and two dogs and a House solo, with no help most days to see what they are doing to fill
The time....
Koko Op...it will get easier at some point though it might not seem so now.

TishHope · 19/09/2017 11:55

I agree with ppl who say that it's all relative. I used to teach FT and had 4 small children yet some SAHM of pupils in my class used to complain about how exhausted they were because they had 2 school aged children to cope with. really??

cheesetoast · 19/09/2017 11:59

YANBU, and what kind of "friend" is so unobservant that she thinks its cool to text her whine about being tired to someone who is clearly doing way more than her.

EezerGoode · 19/09/2017 12:03

Walk a week in my shoes then judge me all you like.ive 2 ds with autism.one hasn't been in school for 6 yrs due to no school being found by LEA.im desperate for some respite.but fat chance.he can't be left alone in the house as he does things like turning the gas on...I'd love to go out to work ...I'd swap with you op any day

jjgg · 19/09/2017 12:06

Fwiw, I'm married and childless and even dogless too but I am absolutely exhausted by my life. We all have stresses and strains and you don't really know how others are feeling.

JacquesHammer · 19/09/2017 12:07

I was probably the type of person you'd have hated OP.

Partner, SAHM with a kid in school. What you wouldn't have known is that I was going through horrific fertility issues and was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid 3 years in. I was always tired. I always looked tired.

I'm now a single parent, run my own business, run the household alone and I am far, FAR less tired now.

jjgg · 19/09/2017 12:09

If you are similar to me - out of the house 7.30-6 then housework at the weekend and in the evening - how are you not tired? What is your secret? Or maybe just everyone is tired. I could sleep on my desk right now very easily.

dietcokeandwine · 19/09/2017 12:33

YANBU op.

It is all relative, and some people are too caught up in their own lives to have any inkling how stressful others' lives really are. And if for example someone's only had one or two children, they cannot have any idea of how much more work it would have been to have three or four.

Sounds like you need some new friends though? I am one of those awful dreaded 'marrieds who don't work' (youngest of 3 DC just started school) but I would never in a million years whinge at someone like you about my life. I kind of automatically assume that someone like you will despise someone like me for what I am and what I have, so I would avoid that kind of conversation completely!

Find some new friends who are also LPs and work, and then you won't have this kind of problem.

Damnthatonestaken · 19/09/2017 12:35

Yanbu. Some posters on this thread abvu

Anatidae · 19/09/2017 12:38

If you are similar to me - out of the house 7.30-6 then housework at the weekend and in the evening - how are you not tired? What is your secret? Or maybe just everyone is tired. I could sleep on my desk right now very easily.

Dunno. I'm absolutely fucking exhausted 😩

When ds was born he didn't sleep more than an hour for 18m. I'm not sure looking back how I coped.

I think people can cope with a lot, and what you're coping with becaomes your 'normal.'

BrieAndChilli · 19/09/2017 12:52

The problem is no two people are the same, no two families are the same.
Eg
I have 3 kids (all currently have some sort of medical problem ranging from orthodontal work to bowel and hearing problems and ASD) which means several appointments for one or the other of them a week at the moment.
I also work part time - 3 hours a day,
Also volunteer as a Treasurer so currently spending half the day doing that/various meetings etc

So yes at the moment I am knackered (more mentally)

I have friends who both work full time but they have parents who look after the kids after school, have them to sleep several nights a week, clean thier house, give them money, etc

I have a friend who is a single mum who has no family help and no help from Ex and a child with ASD plus works, on the other hand I have a single friend who works and only has her kids half the week so has the other half the week to her self (which is terrible in a different way)

You really cannot compare anyone with anyone else as there are a million different reasons people find things hard/easy from health, money, support from partner/family etc.

Heatherbell1978 · 19/09/2017 13:09

Definitely not unreasonable. I'm a mum of a baby and toddler and constantly knackered (but luckily have supportive husband) and I feel this way about my childfree friends complaining how tired they are and moaning about only managing to get to the manicurist once that month or how they'll only manage 3 holidays this year etc etc...😳

27Feb · 19/09/2017 13:41

I also feel that it is all so relative and in the greater scheme of things we none of us can complain. My grandmother was telling me recently about how her mother was a single parent in the 1920s, dirt poor, no help from anyone, terrified of losing her kids, never sure if they could eat that evening. That doesn't mean that modern single parents with labour saving devices, and benefits, and free medicine for their kids can't complain either. Your life is your life. It's all a scale and we all have troubles somewhere.

Chipsahoy · 19/09/2017 13:49

You definitely have it tough and I know I'd be exhausted with all that, so imagine it's very frustrating when someone who has less to do not only moans that they are tired but that due to being so busy they haven't been able to message you.

I get a few comments about my cushy life, part time hrs, dh who works from home and helps out with everything, but you know I had to step down from my management job and cut my hrs due to mental illness.
Some days I feel exhausted. It's not a comparison just a fact.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 19/09/2017 14:11

I was a SAHM for 15 years and returned to working a few years ago. When I was SAHM I was constantly exhausted. These days I'm really not. DH and I now share the housework (which I obviously did all of when I wasn't working outside of the home) and I no longer do any of the volunteering etc. I have a much more relaxed life now....

PETRONELLAS · 19/09/2017 14:49

Isn't it all the announcements and commentary that bother you though? I don't think you mind your mates being tired per se but that they're telling the wrong person.
So many of my friends go on about how busy they are ferrying kids here and there, volunteering to help with school swimming etc. I think it's so unfashionable to just chill they're justifying their existence. I change the subject now asap.

YoullShootYourEyeOut · 19/09/2017 14:53

Why can't you be tired If you don't work? Slightly patronising post. Confused

Floofborkboopandsnoot · 19/09/2017 15:10

I was a sahm for 9 years until my youngest was settled into her first year of school, for 10 years since then I have worked.

I am no where near as tired now than I was when I was a sahm, I have a husband yes, but he worked and used that as an excuse to not actually do much and everyone told him that was a good enough excuse, his mum actually told him once you work so you don't have to do sweet fuck all at home. Once I started work my husband helped more, my kids started to help more and people offered to look after my kids so I could get a day off. I got none of that when I wasn't working. So actually my life is a hell of a lot easier since I started working full time.

TheVoiceOfTreason · 19/09/2017 15:51

Nothing unreasonable about that!

Everything is relative, but your friend has a spectacular lack of self awareness based on what you've said. If her husband works, and does the school runs and the cooking then she has it cushty. You on the other hand are clearly meeting yourself coming back....either that or you have somehow got Hermione from Harry Potter's "time turner" and you are able to magic extra hours into the day.

If I was in her shoes, and needed to moan, I wouldn't be doing so to someone who has three times as much to do as she does!

So you have my sympathy. And my admiration for managing to get so much done! SmileFlowers

PurpleTango · 19/09/2017 16:13

The one who tipped me over the edge just now has no illness/disability of herself or the family, has a husband earning a good wage, a husband who does half the running round, and a Mum who does the rest, a husband who cooks and cleans. And they've had three holidays abroad since May

A touch of The Green Eyed Monster maybe?

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2017 16:18

Love how people always jump on these threads with the old 'they might have a illness or a disabled relative' ,yes they might but a lot of people don't, some people are actually lazy, not everyone has an excuse.

And now OP is jealous because she's pointed out that they have been on holiday and have nice things Hmm, is it not just ok to point out that some people moan about trivial things (like being tired) when other people are working their asses off to support their kids as a single parent?

Original poster
sloeginforever · 19/09/2017 16:56

Petronellas exactly.

I'm not jealous. I like to hear about my mates enjoying stuff. I'm trying to point out that she isn't ill or whatever, she does genuinely have a good life.

OP posts:
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