To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

Can't you just commiserate with her and say a few words such as ' tell me about it' or 'getting back into the school routine is hard after the long summer'. Friends support each other regardless of personal situations. Just because, to you, they seem to have a perfect life doesn't mean they cant be offered support as well

I get why the text would be annoying but who has the right to say who can be tired? When I was single I was often exhausted for many reasons. Children and work are not the only two things that can tire you out. I forget to text people for days on end because I'm mentally busy as well as actually busy. If I though my friends only had sympathy for me if my life was considered worse than theirs then they wouldn't be my friends. Sometimes everyone feels snowed under and their friends should be supportive!

You are very judgy OP. I'm glad you're not my friend.

I doubt you know everything about her life.

I don't think your being unreasonable, I've done the full time working single parent malarkey and it's fecking exhausting.

I'm currently a SAHM with a three DC including 10 week old baby on oxygen 24-7 and although it's hard (and he refuses to sleep on a night) I found the full time working harder.

I think the OP's point is that maybe you should choose your audience to moan at. So for example is I have a cold and feel a bit lousy, there's nothing wrong with saying that per se, but I wouldn't say it to so someone who was going through chemotherapy or similar. Or like I'm still carrying an extra half a stone of baby weight so my old size 12 clothes don't fit which is annoying, but I wouldn't choose to moan about it to someone who is morbidly obese. It's just about a bit of awareness that yes you can be experiencing something a bit rubbish, but moaning about it to be people who are experiencing worse is a bit crass and insensitive.

Actually I don't agree.
I started off as a single mum with a baby working full time and because I was stimulated with work I had lots of energy and when I was at home felt better equipped to deal with my child and household affairs. Being with other adults and doing adult things is a massive stimulant.
Two years later I got married and went to live in Germany for 18 months as a SAHM. I found the entire experience unbelievable, stuck with a child 24/7 with all the boring tasks like ironing, bills and doing boring shit jobs for my husband who was at work but the end of the 18 months I had totally lost the will to live and was tired all of the time.
I couldn't wait to get back to England and back to work.

YANBU Rant away. Some people are just used to a level of comfort and headspace that seems to make them insensitive. It's called being Spoiled.

The trouble is it's the fashion these days to be super busy and really tired

I totally agree with this and was about to post something similar. It is weirdly socially unacceptable to admit that you have a nice life, without constant demands on your time and a bucket load of stress to deal with. Unless you're rushed off your feet all the time and exhausted then you're somehow a lesser person.

Chances are, your friend knows that you are much busier than she is. How could she not? But she can't really text and say 'Sorry I've not been in touch sooner, I was faffing about on MN for most of the day and lost track of the time'. She needs to be able to justify how she spends her time - to herself, maybe to her family/DH and apparently to you. So she sets up a narrative of busy, busy, busy because otherwise she has to admit to having a nice, enjoyable, fulfilling and stress free life which is then seen as boasting/rubbing your face in it/used as a weapon to make her feel inadequate about her choices because her life isn't as hard as it could be...

YANBU and I'm a stay at home mum of 3, one with Asd. It sounds like she's enjoying winding you up, perhaps she's jealous of your life. It's an odd thing to say to a working mum on a regular basis.

YANBU to be annoyed with spoiled people as Dr Krogers says.
They are the same type who are always rushed off their feet at work, so so busy all the time, blah blah. Its boring and annoying. I'd be temped to sympathetically suggest that your exhausted friend should go to the doctors and get bloods done as you are worried about her - its not normal for a healthy adult to get so exhausted by normal activity. Of course she never will because she just likes to moan.
I had a friend like this and we are not friends any more. I am a single parent with 3 kids and a fulltime job, and I manage, I don't get everything done but I don't moan about it. However I am not going to give headspace to an SAHM with no job and school age kids who feels hard done to.

This thread has made me reflect on just how tired I've been most of my adult life - not good!

Before DC it was from working stupid hours in a stressful career. Then with DC it was from juggling stressful career with non-sleeping DC.

Now I have an easier job, but am still out the house 8am-6.30pm 5 times a week plus I have 2 awful sleepers - I have to get up an average of 5 times a night (last night was 8 times ).

Add to that i get regular debilitating migraines and I'm currently being investigated for another condition.

Hmmm. I really don't want to get to 80 and look back on my life and just think "I was tired". But I don't know what to do to change it.

YABU

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Just because someone says they're tired, doesn't mean you can't also be.

It's a crime these days to admit you are NOT tired.
Or not so busy you can actually fit in a fart!!

YABU

Firstly that text just sounds like an apology for not having been in touch and you're reading it wrong.

Second, it's perfectly possible to be rushed off your feet at home. I'm currently ill so on the sofa but usually I don't stop. Sometimes I forget to eat I'm so busy.

People have different priorities and standards. I have a friend who is a lp and works. She has more free time than me because her standards are lower and she can live with more mess and dirt than I can cope with.

I need to spend 7 hours a week cleaning my house to my standards plus another 1-2 hours a day just on tidying, sorting and daily cleaning.

Then there's decorating, maintenance jobs, gardening, organising all the kids stuff. My oh doesn't do any of that.

Shopping and meal planning takes more time too.

I only have 9.30-2.30 two days a week as my youngest is at home three days so actually I'm constantly rushing!

Not to mention the voluntary work I do in the community.

You're comparing apples and pears really, because no two lives are the same.

Why does it have to be so competitive.

Person 1 says they are feeling really tired, Person 2 has decided - with their intimate knowledge of Person 1's existence - that they can't POSSIBLY be tired enough to call themselves tired, and so they get pissed off.

If you're tired, you're tired. End of.

I'm not jealous...I'd be much happier if she did text me with narratives of how much fun she was having!

Maybe she is tired and she is not having fun. Shame you can't be honest with your friends.

YANBU but ABU to say people can't feel tired. Cleaning a house all day running errands etc is tiring but not a stressful as your life so your friend was BU to mention it but on the other hand wtf should she have to monitor her every sentence for fear of offense?

Yanbu. What about friends with parents who help them with kids, cleaning, gardening, money, childcare and still complain they're tired and poor and have to work? Try paying £2k a month for childcare fees, and doing your own gardening, cleaning, pick and drops and tell me you're tired.

As I said, spoiled.
Don't pander to it.
It's entirely possible that your friend likes to have her home polished from top to bottom every day but that's because she has the luxury of time you don't have.
It's utterly dull hearing from people with too much time on their hands how they've filled their day creating a bloody show home.
I now avoid all people like this because they are utterly self absorbed.

Irritated you only had one child though, not really comparable.

OP I think that you have every right to be peeved. My best friend is a single parent to three kids and she works. She receives no money from her ex so is entirely financially responsible. She is the woman I most admire in the world. Even my partner who has the most encredible work ethic is in awe of her.

YABU. My DH works away in various countries for weeks at a time, even when he's UK based he leaves before 5am and is back after the DCs are in bed. I am tired, I do everything. Everything.

2 children here married Dh working I have a part time job I work around children excercide everyday house relatively clean never exhausted.

My husband contributes to about 60% of my exhaustion. Husbands are hard work sometimes.