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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

578 replies

Rejectedwoman · 18/09/2017 16:04

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 12:48

Last one I promise or I will be here all day

New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?
OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 20/09/2017 12:52

Ffs. 2 dates? He's hanging on like a bloody limpet. Please don't have any qualms about ditching him. His behaviour is suffocating and desperate. And don't say you just want to be friends, he'll drive you round the twist.

wotabastard · 20/09/2017 12:53

He sent all those????? There's your grounds. It's him op. Please dump and don't make up an excuse, be very plain. Then block, block, block!

😲😲😲

Aeroflotgirl · 20/09/2017 12:53

Fuck op, just read these, run a bloody mile and don't look back! He is looking for a vessel to pour himself into and that is you! He does not respect boundaries or you as a person, sorry I would be telling him, that this is not working for you, you don't feel the same way about him, bye.

gorygloria · 20/09/2017 12:55

Tell him straight it's not working out for you then ghost him. Similar thing happened to me (and I had never met this guy in person, only texts/calls). He constantly sent me pictures of hearts and teddies and called me pumpkin. I was quite vulnerable post divorce when I met him online so was swept up for a few weeks. When told me that nothing would ever separate us, not even god or death, I made an excuse about not being ready but as other posters have identified, he used that as a way back in. Eventually I told him straight he wasn't for me. A few weeks later a huge delivery of red roses arrived at my work place with a card saying "I miss you Pumpkin" I left the flowers with the reception ladies and mailed him to say flowers received and appreciated why he sent the flowers, but didn't appreciate receiving them, please don't contact me again. And he didn't.

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 20/09/2017 12:55

EW EW EW. If I weren't literally already in the bath yes I Mumsnet in the bath what of it I think I'd need to take a shower to scrub that sticky tacky manipulation off me.

corythatwas · 20/09/2017 12:55

"Everybody deserves somebody..."

No they don't. NOBODY is obliged to supply the emotional needs of another human being unless they have given birth to it. You are not his mother, you are not his wife, you owe him NOTHING.

Tell him that he cannot bully you into being his girlfriend after 2 dates just because he has decided unilaterally that he deserves you.

CatsGoPurrrr · 20/09/2017 12:56

Holy fucking shit!

He's 51 you say?

Ellisandra · 20/09/2017 12:56

Oh my word!
Just...
NO!!!!

The memes are atrocious. But the one he sent after you told him to back off is so disrespectful Angry

I want you to go for a drink with the last GF, who went back to her husband. Bet she didn't Grin And bet she has a suffocating tale of horror to tell!

And I bet she had all the same memes Wink

UnicornSparkles1 · 20/09/2017 12:57

RUN!

ChocolatePHD · 20/09/2017 12:59

FUcking hell!!! He is unhinged. You must text him and tell him it's not working out, then block his number, block him on Facebook and do not go on Saturday. You're going to have yourself a stalker here!

Shoxfordian · 20/09/2017 13:00

Run away op

Aeroflotgirl · 20/09/2017 13:02

Yes those tacky memes are awful, he really lacks emotional and intellectual maturity.

VanillaSugar · 20/09/2017 13:05

Has he ever said "I've got a lot of love to give"??

Aeroflotgirl · 20/09/2017 13:08

Just say its not working for me, we are not compatible. I don't feel that way about you, its over then block and delete.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/09/2017 13:14

Those memes are telling you who he is! He does not respect you, or love you, how can he after 2 dates, he is infatuated by you, and obsessed. YOu need to to end it, before it gets too far! You don't even have to go on Saturday, just say your ill, and leave it.

Loopytiles · 20/09/2017 13:16

Shock at the memes. OP your twat radar needs serious adjustment because you didn't dump him at the first godawful meme!

End it then go nc. He's too much of a twat to friendzone.

millifiori · 20/09/2017 13:16

You're not a real person in his mind, just a channel for his neediness to be pured into. I'd be revolted by that generic claustrophic outpouring.

AmyGardner · 20/09/2017 13:20

Oh good god, is he under the impression that memes = feelings in an actual adult relationship?

OP, please BIN BIN BIN this guy today!

CousinKrispy · 20/09/2017 13:27

I am so sorry OP but I hope someday you can look back at this and laugh. And also feel that you learned something useful from this. Getting sucked into a relationship with a needy, controlling guy doesn't make you a loser (it happened to me, too) and if it helps you avoid the same thing in the future, you can take something positive from this.

I'm glad you are backing away before you get further sucked in and it costs you your sanity or self-esteem or your life.

WinterHoliday · 20/09/2017 13:31

I haven't posted on this thread till now as I think the other posters have given great advice, but just to say it's worth making sure your mutual friends don't give him your address. I could see him asking one of them for it so he could send you a card or flowers or something.

One of my friends was in a similar situation with a guy who seemed lovely at first but then turned very weird and when she ended it he contacted several of us to ask for her address and other phone number.

Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 13:34

Yes well I did raise some of this . I have children , now I haven't discussed them in great detail with him as it's not appropriate to at this stage and you need to be very careful where kids are involved but he obviously knows of their existence . Anyway in general chat about how much he wants me I quite matter of factly pointed out I have x number of children and IF things progressed that way in the future then they are very much part of the deal and certainly not for the faint hearted. I was met with the response that it's not a problem, they are part of me and my life and therefore obviously we a package. I pointed out it was a huge thing and he brushed it away that I was being negative and trying to put him off.

None of it matters now. Just need to get rid

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 20/09/2017 13:34

YY that happened to my friend too. In that case he was a full on creepy stalker, he sent her mother a mother's day card!

Loopytiles · 20/09/2017 13:35

I was referring to the ex (after a very short relationship) pestering mutual friends for my friend's address.

DistractedByAFatDog · 20/09/2017 13:56

Aaaargh that's nauseating!! Dump immediately!!!

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