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New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

578 replies

Rejectedwoman · 18/09/2017 16:04

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

OP posts:
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9
SweetLuck · 20/09/2017 11:42

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!

FUCK KING HELL!

Even the sad pathetic little 'oh' before the 'ok' was too much. Sadfacegate all over again. And then that meme.

No, you do not need 'grounds' to end this. If you make up an excuse then he has a handle he can use to talk you round 'we'll take it slow' 'I'll back off till you're ready etc.'

IT IS OK TO JUST SAY 'I don't think we're compatible, all the best.'

Fucks sake! And this is after he'd had fair warning.

Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 11:44

Thanks everyone.
Feel a bit sick to be honest.
And also a bit pissed off at the idea he doesn't see ME I am just a silhouette of a female he can pour himself into. Thought I was headed the right way when he said we would sleep together when the time was right for me and I felt comfortable and he wasn't pushing me or rushing me. We would get to know each other and go as slow as I wanted and he was happy with that. Looks like he was but only as it meant clinging hold of me . Sigh

OP posts:
OldPony · 20/09/2017 11:46

Oh my god that is awful. Poor you. I have my own thread in chat about weird behaviour from a man I'm seeing.

Where are the normal men!! It's such a shame. Also this contstant judging of how much will I / won't I put up with.

Shakey15000 · 20/09/2017 11:47

Yup, that meme is the icing on the cake. I was at first thinking "needy and desperate as fuck" then when you'd sent what you were uncomfortable with "hmm, maybe he's realised he's come on waaayyy too strong and will hopefully back off and kick himself. See how he behaves on Sat with you mingling with other folk, will be a good measure"

Now, after that meme I'm thinking he's bloody unhinged and running is the right move.

guilty100 · 20/09/2017 11:49

Even if he wasn't so needy, you should still dump him for sending such a totally sick-making meme. The guy clearly has no taste. Grin

SweetLuck · 20/09/2017 11:51

Very sick making. He's probably bought himself a 'forever friends' teddy and is cuddling it pretending it is you.

Tupacca · 20/09/2017 11:58

I'd reply "You're crazy! We've been on 2 dates! How can you "love me", "need me"?? This is NOT working out. "

cordelia16 · 20/09/2017 11:59

Even the sad pathetic little 'oh' before the 'ok' was too much. Sadfacegate all over again. And then that meme.

No, you do not need 'grounds' to end this. If you make up an excuse then he has a handle he can use to talk you round 'we'll take it slow' 'I'll back off till you're ready etc.'

IT IS OK TO JUST SAY 'I don't think we're compatible.'

^
all of this

don't make excuses, OP. just run as fast as you can.

Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 11:59

I could post a selection of the others but you would probably click unfollow thread if I did lol

OP posts:
TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 20/09/2017 12:04

Seriously, please do not try to let this guy down easy or give him a "reason". Take it from those who've regretted it - he'll see a reason as a chink in the door and try to pry it open.

I'd also give yourself a pat on the back, your instincts about this dude have just proved themselves to be well worth listening to.

hopelesslyaddicted · 20/09/2017 12:06

I think a big problem here is that many men have been conditioned into thinking this is how women want them to behave, that they want saved from themselves and believe that all they need to do is show they are interested and attentive and they will have won you over.

They dont realise its creepy and fake as hell.

OldPony · 20/09/2017 12:07

Post more, post more!

At least he didn't send you a pic of himself blowing you a kiss only to find out he sent the exact same one to his adult daughter!

FoofFighter · 20/09/2017 12:07

others? there's more??

I'd be seriously reconsidering attending this thing on Saturday if I were you Sad

I also wondered at the start that it's strange for a person to go back to their ex, maybe that was just an excuse on his exes part to get rid of him and stop him hassling her? with memes

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/09/2017 12:09

Nooooooooo, that's just too creepy.

OnionKnight · 20/09/2017 12:11

Run.

RatRolyPoly · 20/09/2017 12:12

Oh dear, he really is that guy. Oh well, at least you DIDN'T sleep with him only to have the whole thing ruined by catching him whispering "I love you" in your ear while thinking you're sleeping and creepily smelling your hair... So that's a win!

Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 12:16

RatRolyPoly to he honest I would only have been sleeping with the guy if I had strong feelings that way myself (minus smelling his hair ) so that wouldn't have phased me to be honest. I waited several months with my now husband and he declared he loved me the same night

OP posts:
Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 12:27

Here are some others. I will admit after the second date where we got on really well and had a little kiss at the end before he handed me the perfume I did have a good feeling. I enjoyed the date , I wasn't walking on air but I felt very relaxed and content and was looking forward to seeing him again. I did miss him a bit that evening when he went home and I did too. I will admit that and I did tell him when I thanked him for the perfume and said I had a lonely time, was looking forward to seeing him again and I felt positive and relaxed about where things may go in the future. So I haven't been a total ice queen throughout all this.I did express my own feelings but it was Saturday's sexual comment, the Facebook stuff and the whining about no message on Monday which has led me here . Anyway. Enough waffling.

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RolfNotRudolf · 20/09/2017 12:28

He sounds worse with every message you post about him. At best he is acting like a love-sick teenager - which suggests a high level of emotional immaturity on his part. To repeat others - you do not need grounds or reasons to stop seeing him

Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 12:29

These were all sent before Saturday I should add

New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?
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PurpleSweetPeas · 20/09/2017 12:34

Run OP! I had one like this and when I used the excuse of not being quite the right time due to my separation he wanted to be my saviour. He is really odd and made me freak out, and my guy didn't buy he perfume!

echt · 20/09/2017 12:41

I'd bin the fucker for sounding like a Hallmark card.

flippinada · 20/09/2017 12:41

Oh dear, it's pass, the sick bag time (him OP not you - just to be clear).

These are all things you could imagine an overwrought, lovesick teen sending to the object of their affection. From a 51 year old man it's just embarrassing and creepy.

Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 12:46

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New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?
OP posts:
Rejectedwoman · 20/09/2017 12:47

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New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?
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