New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

[Rejectedwoman]

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

I had a few dates with a guy who behaved like this. He became known as 'The Scarf' because it felt like he was always hanging around my neck. Honestly? I ghosted him.

By all means go on Saturday.

But he'll be on his best behaviour, carefully minding he's Ps and Qs.

You've had some great advice here. It doesn't sound like your proverbial 'shark cage' is sound at all, so there's very little we, or your gut instinct, can say or do to change your mind.

@IHaveBrilloHair I thought you were completely clear :)

Does he know you like this web site?

He stalked you on Facebook, might he stalk you here too?

Too full on and trust your instincts against him physically.

No never mentioned this website or any others. He did on Facebook as he's on my friends list and I commented on a post he had commented on earlier which is why he would have seen I was on there

I wondered too if he had found this thread : because of the "I read everything" comment, and his follow-up message yesterday morning.

Honestly, OP, I don't think you're a match at the moment. He could he the nicest guy (?) but he's in a different place to you. Please listen to your own feelings on this. It should all be flowing, easy and obvious, but it isn't. It's not working. He's not a good match for you at the moment.

Stay friends if you like - maybe time will tell.

I rarely say this....Run away. He is needy and reading some of the things you said gave me the creeps.

You've asked for advice and you got it.

Ok . Well been thinking on this and reading all replies at length and really taking them in.
Today he has messaged asking how I am. Nothing unusual in that. I replied I was ok and general chit chat . Let him know I would be unavailable to talk to him today at lunchtime to which he replied 'oh ok' followed by a meme two minutes later saying...

It's over the top isn't it? It's too needy and desperate isn't it? It's clingy isn't it? Talking day in day out like this.
Time to call it off

Run, OP.

Fuck Me Run!!!!

Dump him!

Run for the hills op!

Yes it is. Good God. That meme is.... something else.

CHRIST ALMIGHTY WOMAN RUN LIKE HE IS MADE OF GIANT KILLER RATS.

I would text him right now "This isn't working out. Don't contact me again" and then block him. And I would watch my tail for a few days, especially if he knows your workplace/routine/home.

He cannot love you after two dates. Tell him that you're going on Saturday with the friends you already had before you met him, keep your distance and then block him on Monday.

This is not good.

No he doesn't know my home, workplace or anything like that. Only the general area I live . I can of course use the separation from husband as grounds. Not mentally ready etc as grounds

That won't stop him! He will then become the supportive (stalking) friend

That's good @Rejectedwoman. You don't need grounds though...? It just isn't working out and you don't want to see him again. The problem with giving a reason is that it doesn't tell people like this "why". It just gives them something to argue with/try and talk you out of.

You'll get loads of "okay, so when WILL you be ready/"I'll wait for you"/"I know it's right and I won't give up"/"you're wrong, it IS the right time" if you try and give a "reason". I would strongly recommend you just say it isn't working and you don't want to see him, without any information as to "why" and what you will be doing instead.

Well, that last meme tells you everything you need to know. Every time you call him on his behaviour or try to have an opinion of your own, he will say he respects your wishes- and immediately go straight against them with an attempt to guilt-trip you.

After a while you will get too tired to call him on it.

And then you will start trying to pre-empt his guilt-tripping by always calling or texting him first.

Yes I think you're doing the right thing OP, you will look back and thank yourself for it.
No offence to you, I'm sure you're a great catch and possibly this guy's dream woman...but he doesn't know you! Not well enough to be making these massive declarations. It's like he's role playing and can only live through the person he's seeing.
But please don't make excuses like your divorce or not being ready. It's not you, it's him. Any excuse you make to make it easy on him, and he will insist he can wait, or help you. He needs to be told straight.

You don't need to give him excuses or reasons. Seriously, please, please stop thinking this way.

Just tell him thanks but no thanks and (if you want to soften it a bit) wish him well. No more than that is necessary.

Please end it. It will only get so much worse if you let him into your life any more.

This is not normal, healthy behaviour.