To not want dh to spend £££ on stag

[Theselfishwife]

Dh's brother is getting married the stag is currently being organised it's a weekend abroad that will cost £££ and "everyone is going" so he HAS to go as well.

I don't think spending several hundred pounds on a weekend getting pissed is a responsible use of our money being we have to save for a planned house renovation and we are planning on TTC a 2nd child so need to save now for my maternity leave.

His reasoning is that he never spends money on anything "not even expensive clothes" which is at dig at me spending money on new clothes since DC 1 was born, I Put on 2 dress sizes and had to buy a whole new wardrobe.
Since DC was born I've only spent money on buying clothes because I had nothing to wear because I've had a baby and completely changed shape.

AIBU in saying he should be prioritising his family and our well being (renovating house, holiday etc.) Rather than spending hundreds of pounds on a weekend away getting pissed?

I say the stag isn't important so long as we attend the wedding, he says it is important and he HAS to be there.

Who IBU?

A brother's stag do is important. You have to build it into the family budget in the same way you build in other expenses, like clothes for those who need them and family holidays. I think your husband is right and you are being a little unkind in asking him to choose between his old family and his new family. Don't ask him to disappoint his brother.

if my DP told me I couldn't go to my sisters hen party I'd tell him to shove it because I'm going even if it is expensive he can't not go.

I suppose you could look at it that being over weight, and a dress size is roughly two stone, that you aren't putting your family first either by allowing your self to 'literally expand' - which had nothing to do with excessive calorie consumption. The weight just arrived ? A little less eating for two and a lot more walking would do you the power of good and you'd be back in your old clothes in no time - which is a far greater buzz than having to upsize.
And, in the meantime, sit around naked?
Patronising, much?

YABU

don't stop that is so sweet. I actively encourage DH to do stuff he enjoys because I love him and want him to be happy. Such a simple thing, but an attitude which seems quite alien to some people.

I do think yabu. Normally I would agree no point spending £££ on a loss up and if it was just a friend's stag do I would be backing you up, but it is his brothers stag do. You say he should put his family first his brother is family. Try talking to him and find a happy medium. Set a spend limit on how much he can spend on alcohol and food or something so it does cost too much, budget it.

If it was your sisters hen do would you want to go?

It's his brother, he has to go.

My DH went on BIL stag do when I had two little ones under 2 and a 5 year old for 5 days to Benidorm. It was the well deserved break he needed tbh!

That was about 3 years ago and now my best friend is getting married and we are off on a long weekend away with the girls....I can't wait!

Ps our house still has holes in walls from rewiring but we only live once!!!!

Fucking hell.
It's a stag do not an official ceremony. Hundreds of pounds is madness and expecting people with a family to spend that is selfish twattery.

I've turned down loads of hen dos since having kids. Even close friends. DH same with stags.

I don't think op is BU. But it isn't the end of the world if he goes either.

Sick to fucking death of excessive stag and hensbeing seen as an essential though.

Theselfishwife

Expanded rib cage That would be a biological first. You may have an expanded uterus, but your ribs don't get longer when you give birth! You've put on weight, and you'd rather buy some new clothes than work on losing it.

Sorry - totally unreasonable!!!
Would you miss your own sister's hen do?
You sound like a right bore!

There was a thread started last night by someone complaining that her work clothes hurt her, she had gained a bit of weight over the summer, and so her winter work clothes are all a bit too tight, not massively, but she'd worn spanx to make the dress/skirt look ok, the bra was digging in a bit etc.

Interestingly, the first few posters response was "well you need to buy bigger clothes" - that was the solution, not "well you need to cut back on your eating and exercise a little more for the next few weeks".

This OP is very similar, the response to finding she was 2 dress sizes after having DC1 and needed to dress in a professional way at the end of maternity leave was "well I need to buy new clothes then" not "well that's my return to work date, so that's my diet deadline, I'll just buy supermarket bargains to keep me going for the inbetween stage"

oh and as I'm very short, my rib cage did actually expand at the end of each pregnancy, but by the time each DC had their 6 week check, it was back to before. just with a layer of fat over it that had to be dieted off

borodin why not google before you post

Expanding rib cage is indeed a thing they don't grow they in fact are pushed outwards

Man alive! Let the man go to his brother's do and give him your blessing. Life's too short. Geez.

AIBU in saying he should be prioritising his family and our well being (renovating house, holiday etc.) Rather than spending hundreds of pounds on a weekend away getting pissed?

Umm firstly when did a brother stop counting as family??? Is it just because it's not you and your bubble he's thinking of.

Some exceptions to buying clothes after babies, but quite frankly you sound selfish and self righteous a whole new wardrobe is quite excessive...

And I thought being in a relationship was suppose to be give and take!!! I'm sure you would not take so kindly to him recommending you miss a FAMILY occasion unless your a only child which could explain the lack of importance You give to your extended family!!!

YABVVVVVU

It's his brother's stag do. Unless you're absolutely on the breadline and unless they're paying to fly to the moon In a rocket made of gold, it's a cost you have to suck up. Unless they are not in any way close I'm surprised it's really even a question TBH.

I think yabu. It's his brothers doo after all.

YABU big time! It's his brothers stag?! He should be enjoying these moments in life. I think he'd really resent you for asking him not to go and I don't blame him. If he works and pays for it he should go.

I agree that expensive stag nights and hen nights are ridiculous but as it is his brother, I think it would be unreasonable to stop him going. If he has his own money but doesn't have enough and is breaking into family money, could he pay back to the family money pot in the future with his own money?

I know it's shit and in an ideal world we'd be able to do everything but it's just such a waste of money, we could use that money to renovate a whole room!

Christ yes, it's such a waste of money to give a dearly beloved brother one of the best weekends of his life on this once-in-a-lifetime weekend and memories that will last forever when you could spend that money on wallpaper and soft furnishings that will look crap and probably out of date in less than five years anyway because you have DCs who I assure you will not treat your beautifully renovated room anywhere near as preciously as you must be hoping they will.

Sorry OP, but you sound totally off your rocker.

The other girl I totally agree. Dh is careful and sensible I cannot get my head round ever commenting on something he wanted to do nor he me. I want him to have a good life.

Decorating?! I work with the terminally ill which alters my perspective somewhat. So it's a YABU op I'm afraid.

As it is his brother I say yabu.

You can be taken seriously wearing 'primani' or other cheap clothes! Half the time people don't even realise where the clothes are from.

A brother's stag do is important. YABU.