To not want dh to spend £££ on stag

[Theselfishwife]

Dh's brother is getting married the stag is currently being organised it's a weekend abroad that will cost £££ and "everyone is going" so he HAS to go as well.

I don't think spending several hundred pounds on a weekend getting pissed is a responsible use of our money being we have to save for a planned house renovation and we are planning on TTC a 2nd child so need to save now for my maternity leave.

His reasoning is that he never spends money on anything "not even expensive clothes" which is at dig at me spending money on new clothes since DC 1 was born, I Put on 2 dress sizes and had to buy a whole new wardrobe.
Since DC was born I've only spent money on buying clothes because I had nothing to wear because I've had a baby and completely changed shape.

AIBU in saying he should be prioritising his family and our well being (renovating house, holiday etc.) Rather than spending hundreds of pounds on a weekend away getting pissed?

I say the stag isn't important so long as we attend the wedding, he says it is important and he HAS to be there.

Who IBU?

@mathanxiety and @just5morepeas, so nice to see I'm not the only one who feels this way. His bro is family yes, but so is his wife and children. Family indeed should come first. There's no need for him to go, he can take his bro out separately and explain that he doesn't have spare money at the moment for a big holiday away, and if he did come he'd have to be careful what he drank etc, n wouldn't be able to let his hair down. Anyone arranging such a big stag abroad should understand that the downside of it is, less people will probably be able to attend. For example if I was having a wedding abroad I'd understand I'd many of my friends and family couldn't come for whatever reason, childcare, jobs or money etc or some of my fam are scared of flying. I would fully understand. What's the deal, they'll all be pissed up anyway n probably won't even remember what's going on!

I agree with LadyInCement. Resentment is really corrosive in a relationship and can taint so much. People don't realise that whilst they might win these 'battles' eventually they will lose the 'war' and be left with a relationship filled with bitterness.

Did Princess Primani ever come back give us an update?

He shouldn't miss his brothers stag do! Unless there is more to this and you're in real financial difficulty you sound like a right misery.

Just been thinking on it as I'm planning my own soon 😉 If I was having a hen party and my family and friends all had kids etc, I'd feel lucky if any of them could even get the night off to come out for the eve! I'd be flabbergasted if any of them could find three days off and half a grand to attend, especially those with families. Get real people!

I think the way you are trying to justify buying by a whole new and expensive wardrobe makes you either 1) very selfish and entitled...or 2) feeling guilty because you know you used family money on yourself

Let your poor DH go on his brothers stay do FGS and don't ruin it for him by heaping the guilt on.

come on, aside from the factories it is produced in, Primark clothing is bad quality - I've got 3 sets of primark PJs, the brushed cotton ones had a hole in the leg after a couple of months. The buttons fell off the dc's pjs from there and the seams started unravelling.

Not that that happen on M&S, boden or john lewis pjs.

You sound controlling and miserable.
You don't sound well suited to your husband. You don't like stags and hens. They are a waste of money. Do you not like going out generally and see drinks and meals with friends as frivolous aswell. Did you grow up poor?

I don't see going out and holidays as a waste of money. I'd forgo other things. I'm off next weekend abroad with ds1's football team mums. You'd probably think that frivolous aswell. I don't.

I'm with Bluntness. I'm off to Budapest next month with my closest 3 friends aswell.
I chose to spend any spare cash I have going out for coffee/wine/abroad with my closet friends.
And I'd resent anyone saying I shouldn't.
We all spend our money differently. One berate someone who has hair cuts and manicures to someone else going out for meals with friends?

How long has Stafford been planned? Since last year? So you've had plenty of time to out aside some money?

Some people seem really suspicious of anything that is a bit fun or frivolous. Surely life is for living and creating good memories?

Sitting at home with a resentful and bitter DH is never going to be a good memory.

I had a girl's night away come up recently.

I wasn't sure we could afford it and asked dh what he thought.

He said we could easily so I went.

It was only when I got back I realised he'd sold his beloved new camera he'd got for his birthday from his parents so I could go.

I was annoyed with him but he said he got more pleasure knowing I'd have a nice night away. And this was just a random girl's night, nothing as important as a brother's stag!

I think you're being unreasonable.

Is Stafford the new den of iniquity then Oblamov

Apparently so Lady

Stafford stag do is the new Wolverhampton!!

God I'm glad I'm single.

You're being a little unreasonable.
Ask him to work a little overtime to help cover the cost. You could also work overtime too...

I think you are being v unreasonable. His Brother's stag is a really important event and you shouldn't be making him feel guilty or be prioritising improving your home over it in my opinion. And as for your clothes comment, I shop mainly in Primary and I have a very good job and often get complimented on my style. I would rather spend money on amazing experiences (like a sibling or friend's important occasion) than on clothes. Everyone prioritises differently but you shouldn't be trying to dictate how he prioritises his spending. I feel sorry for him.

I think YABU. You come across as a bit joyless and controlling OP. You say you are saving for house renovations and because you are TTC for your second child. Does your husband want all of this as much as you do? Are those completely joint decisions or are you the one driving things in your marriage? Life is short and unpredictable. It's his brother. Let him go with good grace and wish him an amazing time.

YABU

It's his brother and these things are once in a lifetime.

Omg you have made yourself sound selfish! You have only talked about your flipping clothes- get a grip - next! Oasis! - expensive what's wrong with new look or matalan your trying to justify spending! 500 is a lot of money but hen/stage are extreme now, but it's his brother so I would try to go anyone else a def no no! it's not as if he is leaving you in finicial difficulty what's another month on redecorating!

Aww don'tstophelping that a lovely.

That's. Duh

I think you are being a little unreasonable, life is for living yes home improvements and TTC are important but life is for the here and now. His brother is getting married and I think he should go.

I think unless finances are dire then he should of course go! It's his brothers stag do and he doesn't spend a lot usually. It'd be mean to try and prevent him going.

If it were me I would just shrug it off as one of those annoying things that get in the way when trying to save.
If you were saying that you would be behind in the mortgage etc then definitely not. His brother (assuming) will only have 1 stag do and get married the once. I would put it up there on the priority list assuming that it's affordable albeit eating into savings.
It won't affect a house renovation too much.
I do see your point OP though too it's frustrating but I would just treat it as something that has cropped up. A necessery evil.

Get him to explain to his brother the situation and try to keep costs down.
If it weren't his brother I would have a different tone.