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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to bring the children

157 replies

summerbreeze15 · 17/09/2017 11:26

My husband is taking part in a marathon in a few weeks time. During the last few weeks there have been various smaller races ect and I've brought our children out to see him at the finish line. The big marathon is in the city and it will mean an hours train journey for me plus a 20-30 min walk or I could drive in with the kids but struggle to get parking due to the volume of people attending plus various road closures. My youngest is only a few months so I will have to take my stroller and navigate through the crowds. I never take my children into the city unless I absolutely have to. My husband expects me to bring them in to see him run the marathon. Aibu to not want to bring them?

OP posts:
Inertia · 18/09/2017 21:21

Holdmecloser were you a small baby when you saw your mum run the marathon? Because that's what the OP has got. I suspect the baby could not care less about dad's marathon.

Totally unfair that the DH expects OP to wrangle bored babies for hours on end, park miles away in an unfamiliar city, and potentially be out in the rain all day to see DH for a few seconds.

Get him to video himself with a go-pro and show it to the children in the comfort of their own home.

timeisnotaline · 18/09/2017 21:21

maisy must have missed my post? Because we are burnt from being expected to admire and support tirelessly and then never get anything back because, don't you know, they're really doing it for us. As he told me once.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 18/09/2017 21:27

Yes you may we'll be right, wouldn't be my advice though Grin. My DH (eventually) trains at family friendly times and in fact has been out all evening running - have done bed and bathtime on my own. No huge hardship as my DC are a bit older.

Each to their own, I would say interests other than your partner and child should not hugely negatively impact them but it depends how challenging the kids are (mine could be terrors at bedtime and wound each other up terribly at that time) and on lots of other factors. It also depends on how much the person holding the fort at home is recognised for that.

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:28

But then timeisnotaline that is someone specific choosing to be selfish. It is not an issue with hobbies.

I've seen loads of threads centred on 'DP should give up x y z and even though I could choose to take soemthing up for me, I don't because I prioritise our home/family'

It's self defeating.

I have my hobbies. DH has his. Neither of us 'gets out' of things.

If someone is being a selfish dickhead routinely then that's an issue. But hobbies are not reasons to get out of things.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 18/09/2017 21:35

I wouldn't go.

rookiemere · 18/09/2017 21:44

I don't think anyone has said that men shouldn't have hobbies. Hobbies are fine, but less so when they are viewed as heroic achievements worthy of effusive praise, rather than just activities people enjoy doing in their spare time.

I have to say I've softened slightly. I do like some posters suggestion of being there with the DCs at a less populated part of the run. Ticks the box of supporting the runner( see I'm not such a hard hearted harridan after all) but can be done by car and is much less stressful and busy for OP. Plus is it really worth turning up at the end with the DCs if he's going to sod off down the pub with his mates anyway.

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:47

rookie
I think they should do something to support but that has to be the plan, not just "hi family youbsaw me on thr line. Hugs kisses and I'm off with my mates".

Either, they do something nice as a family first and then later he can see his mates.
Or, he does sometbing with his mates but family don't come.

pollymere · 18/09/2017 23:30

It's really lovely seeing family spur you on when you hit your wall of pain. I've been the kid in the stroller and the face on the person when they see you makes up for it. It's also quite helpful to have someone to meet you after you finish. It is a huge hassle but worth it. Maybe combine it with something else while you're there?

Nanny0gg · 19/09/2017 00:16

What? He's buggering off with his mates afterwards so she'd still be doing it all on her own.

JWrecks · 19/09/2017 00:37

I think I'm going against the grain here, but a full marathon is a REALLY big deal, a massive accomplishment, and I find it quite nice that he wants to celebrate finishing it with his wife and children. I can't imagine he'll want to go to a pub after, but maybe he's just that strong? Dunno... I'd want a hot bath and bed right after, not a noisy pub and alcohol, myself, but it's been a very very long time since I did running of any sort.

Would he be heartbroken if you all weren't there for him? Because it does sound like a massive headache for you, especially with a 5 year old and a tiny baby to drag along...

LaurieF · 19/09/2017 06:31

I think his first marathon is a big thing. Sorry i know I'm going against the general consensus here but if that was my hubby I would want to be there at the finish line for him, kids or no kids. Do you have any family or friends that would take the youngest for a few hours maybe?

sandgrown · 19/09/2017 06:38

I took my grandchildren to see their mum and uncle run the Paris marathon. It was a nightmare with a buggy due the volume of people. We could not get near the finish so we found a spot about a mile from the end where we could see them and cheer them on when they really needed encouragement.

girlingerrupting · 19/09/2017 06:41

I thought maybe you should even though it would be hard - showing kids what you can do and sharing family achievement etc. then I read you update and he's going for a drink straight afterwards with his mates?!?! Screw that. He just wants a Hollywood picture with his family before he goes back off and has fun! If he was coming with you all to the park or dinner or family activity afterwards it would make sense but this just makes you all sound like an accessory!

flumpybear · 19/09/2017 06:46

I've
Got a
Similar request from my husband too as he's going s 100mile bike race st the weekend - ug! He's wanting me to bring the kids 'somewhere' to see him - literally it'll be a whole day to see about 5 seconds of him and my 5 year old DS will be bored rigid and act up all day, my 9 year old will behave but again be bored - so now he's suggesting going to see family and us all coming to see him - I'm gonna duck out - I need a break at weekends not more drama! And my kids want fun, not boredom for a whole day constantly complaining - it's gonna be another no, although last night he had a paddy when I said about the kids being bored and acting up

Glad I saw this thread it's given me some support to say no without feeling bad

OliviaStabler · 19/09/2017 06:47

If he plans to go for drinks afterwards with his mates then heck no. I wouldn't go.

megletthesecond · 19/09/2017 07:14

A baby and a toddler waiting in finishing line crowds and he's going out with his mates afterwards? Yanbu.

rebbykay · 19/09/2017 07:18

Can you get a hotel by the marathon track and make a weekend out of it? Then you can head to the marathon just for the end and use the time to do other fun stuff, depending on what city you're in.

Obvs get him to pay...

rebbykay · 19/09/2017 07:21

Although if he's going to the pub then a celebration once he's home will be perfectly sufficient!

YouTheCat · 19/09/2017 07:24

If it's a big marathon, I'd imagine that hotels will be booked up well in advance.

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed · 19/09/2017 08:21

I'm a runner.

When DH and the kids come and support me at races it is brilliant. Really lovely.

I wouldn't dream of asking them to come if it was inconvenient, if they had something better to do, if the weather was bad, if it would be in any way a pain in the arse.

They came to my last race (my first half marathon) because it was in a sweet little part of town with plenty of parking, loads of cafes, and a huge new playground on the beach. It was a fun day out for them too.

Leapfrog44 · 19/09/2017 10:08

Oh My GOD what a selfish twat he's being!

BlurryFace · 19/09/2017 11:06

Much as I adore my father, hanging round the finish line and getting sweaty bloody (joggers nipple ugh) hugs was never my idea of fun as a child.

chipscheeseandgravy · 19/09/2017 11:53

My partner didn't bring my son when I did my first 10K. I was gutted he wasn't there. Maybe they won't understand, but it may mean a lot to him to have his kids there.

It's a pushchair your taking not a Sherman tank. It's not hard to move a child through a crowd. Surely pop small child in the pushchair, if she needs feeding pop to a cafe and feed small child and adequate snacks for the older child and then go to finish line for the end of the race.

chipscheeseandgravy · 19/09/2017 11:56

Just to add I don't mean you need to 'watch' the whole race just be there near the end to yell go daddy, then retreat back to the warmth.

FloatingCamel · 19/09/2017 12:05

It sounds boring and stressful. I can't understand why you're not jumping at the chance?

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