AIBU to not want to bring the children

[summerbreeze15]

My husband is taking part in a marathon in a few weeks time. During the last few weeks there have been various smaller races ect and I've brought our children out to see him at the finish line. The big marathon is in the city and it will mean an hours train journey for me plus a 20-30 min walk or I could drive in with the kids but struggle to get parking due to the volume of people attending plus various road closures. My youngest is only a few months so I will have to take my stroller and navigate through the crowds. I never take my children into the city unless I absolutely have to. My husband expects me to bring them in to see him run the marathon. Aibu to not want to bring them?

So he is going out with his mates afterwards anyway? He expects you to drag the kids there and then sod off again after the photos so he can celebrate with his friends instead? Cheeky sod.

I was all for saying 'go on, it would be a great thing to do' until I saw that he was going off for drinks with his mates, and you would have to turn around and go home with the DC on your own, without him.

Sod that!

ReanimatedSGB
I appreciate that people who run like running, and fair play to them. But (as with all sport, really) I can't get excited over it as any kind of 'achievement'. It all seems so pointless.

I agree that OP should not go, given the circumstances and logistics involved. I can't agree that running/other sport is ever pointless - it's beneficial on so many levels.

to keep it short - no way.

If they are tiny they are unlikely to even remember it. Get a sitter, celebrate after the run and have some childfree fun!

Your baby is too young to get anything from it. Your 5 year old will be grumpy and bored even if the weather isn't shit and your dp is going out with his running mates afterwards.

That'd be a massive 'no' then.

Don't do it!! DH is a marathon runner. I went to support a few times with the girls at various stages - each time it was hideous... too crowded, if you have a buggy/pram it's a nightmare to move anywhere... if they're walking they get tired, freaked out by the crowds, can't see and have to be carried. I struck a deal that he could do one marathon a year that we'd come and support him but it had to be overseas so we got something out of it too. He did Venice which in theory was lovely and I was v proud of myself for planning the best place to see him and timing it so we wouldn't have too much hanging around... but hadn't factored in the extra 10 mins it takes all the runners to go over the start line. Those 10 mins were the longest of my life as my daughters became convinced that something had "happened to Daddy" and started to whine and panic uncontrollably...

Seriously - yes it's his first marathon and you've no doubt supported him through all his training- but spare yourself and your kids the agony of attending... it's not a spectator sport

Just say no. It just won't work. Unless by some miracle baby is asleep, you will probably miss him as he runs by anyway. Watching out for one person in a big race is absolutely horrible, you can't take your eyes off the runners for a second for fear of missing them. Watching dc's in the crowd will take all your attention.

• However.....i didn't go and watch my DH run is first marathon (as he chose to do one 4 hrs drive from home- twat) but, i was very upset that i was not there in the end and obsessively watched all tv and facebook live footage of the race hoping to spot him ...and failed.

We were in a similar position when dh took up marathon-running: 3dc, youngest not yet walking.

It never occurred to me not to support dh!

Together we planned a route where the dc and I could cheer him on as he passed us and then walk to the next 'cheering point'. Something like miles 5, 8, 12 and 25. Between 12 and 25 we went somewhere nice. I forget where we went that first time, but it might have been a coffee shop, library, beach, softplay, museum - we've supported him at many marathons. (Though after the first one we've only cheered him on at beginning and end.)

We had a cheerleading chant for him that the dc loved yelling out, and they really got into clapping and cheering on other runners, too, especially those in fancy dress or struggling.

Then, at the end, dh would stagger stroll up in his space blanket to join us in our agreed meeting place, where we would ply him with hot chocolate, flapjacks, warm jumpers, and ice packs for his knees.

I was going to say that you should go and support home until you said he was going out with his mates after.
Dh ran his first marathon last year. I didn't take all the dc but I took dd who was just 13 and my best friend and two other of our friends turned out to support him. He was very grateful to see us cheering him on in his last mile then we had a shortcut to the finish to be there to meet him. He would have been gutted if I wasn't there but would have understood if I'd had to take all the dc and decided against it. The difference being is that he wasn't expecting me to bugger off again afterwards so he could go to the pub he was coming home.

He's going for drinks! Do NOT go. My dh used to expect my support on everything - football, musical theatre, choir. Which all took lots of time of course. He never turned up to anything I did unless it was convenient. I asked him to landcrww for kayaking but he decided I would teach him kayaking and join my team , and he would be half arsed about learning because it wasn't his passion. He was coming to watch me do a 13km run ( my longest to date ) when we were engaged but cancelled so he could spend a weekend with his brother, his reason being brother was his best man and it felt important to hang out with him- I wondered why I didn't count as an important figure in his wedding. When he said something about other things to do when I was running my first ( and only) half marathon , I said I would be reconsidering our marriage if he cancelled, and if I stayed I would never again set foot on a footy ground. He came to the race .

I did the GNR with my sister when ds was 6 months old. We went up the day before on the train. Dh drove up with my best friend and ds the next day, planning to meet us at the finish. He got lost and they missed it completely! It would have been lovely to see them near the end (not at the finish line as it was pandemonium) but was a real boost meeting up with them afterwards. I was going to say try going in as it is his first one, but stand somewhere near the end (not on the finish line though!). It really does mean a lot the first time round. Then I saw he's going to go off drinking with his pals afterwards and decided screw that!

Welcome his drunk sore exhausted self home with a tea party and get the kids to do a banner. They'll feel involved and he'll get lots of praise!

"Welcome his drunk sore exhausted self home with a tea party and get the kids to do a banner. They'll feel involved and he'll get lots of praise!"

That is a much better idea than braving the crowds to see if you can spot him.

Can you take the older DCs and leave the baby with someone? My dad was a triathlete and I used to love going to watch him race as a child.

I agree with most others, it's not worth it.

I remember dragging DS to an event (not running) where I'd wanted to get a childminder but DH thought it would be fine. Well it was for him! I missed the whole thing running after DS. Never again.

What - going for drinks with his mates afterwards? Nope, don't bother cheering him on. For us, even though it was very much dh's hobby, it was also always very much a family thing, even down to any post-run celebrations.

Either cheer him on at one point (early or late in the race, then go do something fun with the dc and make your own way home without him, or do Doofetch's banner thing.

I understand he wants you all there for the support and stuff, I assume this is taking place in London? It's already a nightmare to go anywhere there let alone go to a marathon where there will be thousands of people crowded around. So you're not BU, taking both your kids will not be ideal, the standing around, they will get hungry, the weather might be poorly.
And as you mention he will probably be going out with friends after, so I don't think its fair for your husband to let you do that journey and then ending up going home without him.

Too many deaths- I stopped taking mine to events on the 3rd death they witnessed.

Leave the baby with a sitter. Dh is being a bit thick; is this for him or them? How old are your dc?

Out of interest, OP, if you found a sitter for the DC and went by yourself, would you be 'allowed' to go to the pub afterwards? Or is it all about stroking his ego and then getting back into your domestic box?

I can't believe so many people are saying don't bring them. I'd be there, including the baby unless I had somewhere convenient to put him, cheering him on at the finish line. An hour on a train and a short walk isn't a big deal but running a marathon is and presumably he's also raising money for charity so definitely something to be incredibly proud of even if it isn't your interest. Be there to take pics and greet him and show the kids how well their dad did. Or not. It's your choice of course, that's just what I'd do :)

icedgem85
Because there is a view among a core group of MNers that men who have hobbies are just selfish picks who never give their wives a break and use it as an excuse to get out of childcare/housework.

If it was a mother who'd taken up amateur dramatics and wanted the family to see her on opening night nobody would talk about her rehearsals like this man's "training" or suggest she was skiving her duties.

Fact of hobbies on MN I'm afraid.

@rookie, that made me snort!

I absolutely world Maisy! I also would not take a baby a few months old to the opening night of a show because it would be disruptive and a massive hassle. Plus, to use your example, amateur dramatics is even more annoying as rehearsals are often in the evenings allowing perfect excuses to get out of bedtime.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood
See i rekon the advice would be get a baby sittwr for young children and that older children and DH should go.

I don't this idea of "getting out of" things.
How many people seem to think they and their DP should be both glued to the house and each other?!

It's not "getting out" of things to have an interest beyond your partner and child.

Some people are selfis, I get it, but seriously, the more I read about attitudes to hobbies on MN, the more I think some people must be bloody hard work to be in a relationship with.