AIBU to not want to bring the children

[summerbreeze15]

My husband is taking part in a marathon in a few weeks time. During the last few weeks there have been various smaller races ect and I've brought our children out to see him at the finish line. The big marathon is in the city and it will mean an hours train journey for me plus a 20-30 min walk or I could drive in with the kids but struggle to get parking due to the volume of people attending plus various road closures. My youngest is only a few months so I will have to take my stroller and navigate through the crowds. I never take my children into the city unless I absolutely have to. My husband expects me to bring them in to see him run the marathon. Aibu to not want to bring them?

I have done several half marathons and one full. I never expected my family to come along - it really is not a great spectator thing for young kids.

They did come to the finish line of the full marathon I did, and I loved that - BUT - I didn't expect it of them, it was in our home city so not a long way for them to travel and my husband knew how to figure out parking with all the road closures. As soon as they'd seen me finish they left, they didn't hang around for me while I had drinks, snacks, recovered a bit - I came home later with the friend I'd done it with.

The main things though - the kids were old enough to tolerate waiting around a bit, and I was able to give a pretty accurate estimate of my likely finishing time, so they weren't waiting too long - if people get injured, hit the wall etc they can be an hour or more longer than they hoped from their training. I was pretty lucky with all that.

So, as a runner, I don't think you're unreasonable if you don't take the kids to watch. he is unreasonable if he expects it. If you want to do it, I am sure he will appreciate it though.

I've run lots of marathons, but I still remember (and bitterly resent hahahahaha) my first and my hubby not coming out with the kids to see me. It was near the beginning of the race and he complained that it was raining.

That said, it's tedious for spectators waiting potentially for hours. YANBU if it is a trek, but....

I still remember the one where my hubby was next to the finish line with my then 6 month old and toddler (my first post-race marathon) and I couldn't breathe because of the tears and pride and my sore breastfeeding boobs. It wasn't my first, but it was my first he'd bothered to come and my kids there was so special. I was running for them, to show them they can do anything if they try hard enough.

It is special for him. Yes, it's a hobby, but it means something. He is an example to your children.

Can you invite a friend or his mum/dad/siblings to help you and join in the cheering? It would be a shame to miss the pinnacle of his training. Imagine his face when he sees you all cheering him at the finish line!

I knew this would turn into 'what a surprise a man has a hobby' thread.

It is good for parents to have hobbies. Marathons etc aren'r good spectator sports but when I did my first half marathon it meant a lot to me that DH was there at the end cheering me on.

Obviously, with children the logistics will be tough but I would try to do it if you can. If not, meet him somewhere after and all have a meal.

I'm not denying that it's good to have hobbies and running should be one of those ones that fit well round family life as training runs can be scheduled in relatively easily.

In this case the OP has supported her DH by being there for a number of events and holding the fort with a newborn and young DC whilst he carries out his preparation. I agree a Well done Daddy poster sounds like a nice idea - but a tricky slog into town with a young baby in tow is a lot of work.

I also feel that I must have a different understanding of what an achievement is. Sure as a runner (well more of a waddler really) I get that you feel good when you cross the finish line and do what you've practiced for, but really most of us run for personal and sometimes selfish reasons. I run to keep fit, to try to keep my figure in check, I run so I can listen to my audible. Its not really a noble condition. Im not sure that young DCs seeing it will get that much from it, unless accompanied by him taking them to junior parkrun or out in the running buggy when he goes out.

The proudest I feel of DH is when he does noble selfless things, like getting up an hour early twice a week so he can be back in time for DS or for throwing himself into coasteering so DS had a good time, not when he climbs up a mountain a bit higher than the one a weekend before and then is too knackered to play footie in the park withDS.

Sorry bit of a ramble and slightly off topic.

Totally agree rookiemere. I know a lot of runners, both male and female. Most of them are parents. I can't think of a single one of them who is more proud of their running (or their partner's running) than of bringing up their kids and being there for the day to day shitwork of parenting (or at least none that voice that publicly).

I was running for them, to show them they can do anything if they try hard enough.

Lord save us. Your baby didn't give a shiny shit about your running. You run for yourself FFS

Hobbies are great. Sport is great. Supporting each other by being interested and picking up the slack at home is great. Taking the kids when it suits - like to a finish line on a sunny summer evening at a local pub with a playground.

Expecting you to massively inconvenience yourself to 'go support' is selfish.

Like a PP says stay home and make him a 'well done' banner. And decide what hobby you are going to take up...!

Lord save us. Your baby didn't give a shiny shit about your running. You run for yourself FFS

I was running for them, to show them they can do anything if they try hard enough.

I don't know about anyone else......but I run for me.
It's my me time, my chance to get away from things, to think, to listen to music, podcasts etc, to keep in shape, to work towards goals - time, distance, perseverance with training etc - and the sense of achievement when you meet your goals. I like being outside on a nice day feeling I'm doing something that's good for me and fun. It's all about me. I tend to run alone rather than with friends or a training group so it's not even a social thing, though I enjoy the social aspect of races and often do them with friends or my son. If I am modelling a healthy lifestyle for my kids, great, and if I am showing them you can set goals and work to achieve them, great, but that's not why I do it. It's all for me, and it may be selfish but it's probably the only thing I am selfish about. When I trained for the marathon I tried very hard not to let that interfere with family life too much - getting up stupid early to do long runs so I'd be back in time to do things with the kids etc.

How old are the children and are they interested?

We went to see my dad in the London marathon the first time eh ran. Me and my brother were around 9 and 10. Little sister was around 18m-2y and she stayed at home with grandparents.

But we really did want to see him do it and we were interested. We both started doing some running as a result, though I stopped when I hit my teens. My brother and younger sister both run a lot as adults, and compete. So it was a good thing for us all too.

Yep - what 5rivers said. At the time all the baby and toddler will understand is that they are tired / cold / hot / bothered / bored / hungry.

Years later they may understand that it was a good achievement. But I'm not sure it will be a better understanding from seeing a photo of you holding them whilst asleep afterwards?

Nothing wrong with doing things for yourself. In fact I think it is vital for parents to try and keep a little bit of themselves. But they should then own the decision.

YANBU. I'm running my first marathon next April and it would stress me out knowing my poor husband was stuck trying to drag our small children through a packed city and keep them entertained for the 4-5 hours it would take me to run it. It's my daft hobby, not their's. After I ran my first half marathon I came back to a lovely bunch of flowers and a 'Well done' card which was a lovely surprise.

YANBU. My DCs went to see DH finish a race today for the first time (he does a good few a year) and that was because they were doing their own kids run afterwards. It's really hard to see the finish line as it gets so crowded (this was a half and I bet it's even worse at a full marathon) and little ones can't see over the barrier etc.

He did a 24hr run earlier this year and we went to watch that towards the end but it was in a stadium with ample seating etc (much needed due to morning sickness at the time).

Normally though we stay home and have a lazy morning, and just let him get on with it. He will go do the run and come home and carry on as normal with housework etc other than maybe having a longer hotter bath if he's achy.

He runs a lot and I think it's a great hobby, he is really fit with great stamina :o and it keeps him young TBH. But I am also really glad it doesn't impact family life - he does his training runs on the way home from work a few times a week (would have to walk or bus otherwise as we don't have a car) so actually it benefits us too as he's home earlier. And now he's starting to share it with the kids too so even better as they can bond more over it.

This is brilliant

Drive him 26 miles away, boot him out of the car and tell him to run home. Then there you and the kids will be, whooping and cheering him as he crosses the finish line.

YANBU
previous posters have nailed it I reckon- stay at home and make him a well done banner if you feel he wants to see your support!

And yes, you've done your bit looking after the kids whilst he's off training

I am a keen and competitive runner.
The kids and now ex would often come along to local races and it would be a nice day if the weather was nice. They came to a couple of big races and honestly, it was so brilliant to see them along the route and at the end. Never with a babe of a few months old I wasn't back to running racing when they were that young so a moot point though.
If the spectators can have an enjoyable day (park for kids or cafe or be able to scoot about) then fine, but if it's hours of standing by barriers waiting....not fair.

I was running for them, to show them they can do anything if they try hard enough.

Is this something people literally believe? They can do anything... So they choose to dedicate their time to running a long way rather than, say, curing cancer or solving homelessness?

Could a friend take the oldest/older ones, and you have a lovely time elsewhere?

Oh god save us from another MAN with a HOBBy

This x 1000000

No - get out of it use one of the many excuses . The recent terror alerts could be useful here (sorry but every cloud ...)

how bloody boring. i would not dream of inflicting boring shite on my OH in the way he does to me. men.

Boring, long, crowded (kids get lost way too easily) --- no, don't bring them. Find someone to like look after them . Older kids maybe. You can always record it.

If my parent was running I would be there. If my dc was running I would be there. But I wouldn't drag along a baby and a toddler to something they didn't understand. Your dh is a self indulgent git if he really expects you to face that struggle. He's doing it for him. Tell him you aren't doing it, for you.

I appreciate that people who run like running, and fair play to them. But (as with all sport, really) I can't get excited over it as any kind of 'achievement'. It all seems so pointless. And I agree with the PP who reckon it's fine to have a welcome home banner rather than keep small children hanging around for hours in a crowd, in uncertain weather, with a long journey there and back.

Thanks so much for all the comments I love the one about driving him 26 miles away from the house my oldest is 5 and a handful hates standing around for long periods ect. DH is going out with his friends for a few drinks after the marathon (well he plans to) so I'd only be taking the children in and home and if it was raining or bad weather we would all be miserable. Getting the children minded wouldn't be an option really.

I appreciate that people who run like running, and fair play to them. But (as with all sport, really) I can't get excited over it as any kind of 'achievement'. It all seems so pointless.

I'm glad someone else has said that - my sentiments exactly. He likes running. Fine. This probably has an impact on family life, but if you can manage it to your own satisfaction then that's fine. But I don't see any worthy achievement there. He's fine something he wanted to do for himself.

My DH likes playing golf. Again - fine. But if I'm looking after the kids while he does so, then we'll do something fun for us to enjoy while he enjoys his time doing his thing.

Plus - watching people running isn't exactly a marvellous spectator experience is it? I certainly wouldn't be interested.