AIBU to not want to bring the children

[summerbreeze15]

My husband is taking part in a marathon in a few weeks time. During the last few weeks there have been various smaller races ect and I've brought our children out to see him at the finish line. The big marathon is in the city and it will mean an hours train journey for me plus a 20-30 min walk or I could drive in with the kids but struggle to get parking due to the volume of people attending plus various road closures. My youngest is only a few months so I will have to take my stroller and navigate through the crowds. I never take my children into the city unless I absolutely have to. My husband expects me to bring them in to see him run the marathon. Aibu to not want to bring them?

Seeing my mum come over the line in NYC is one of my proudest memories of her.

Me and DH both run so I can see this from both perspectives. He is unreasonable to EXPECT you to bring the kids to the finish line. I understand him ASKING because he wants to share this achievement with you. It doesn't sound remotely practical for you to drag the kids in and you have been clearly supportive at all the other races. Yanbu to stay home.

If you did something pretty impressive for the first time wouldn't you want your family to be there to share it with you? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Yes it's an effort to get there but it's his first full marathon. If you can't be bothered to support your OH when they achieve something then why be married? This isn't about you or the kids, this is about being there for him. Be there to see him cross the line. He's not asking that you run alongside him for 26 miles, just that you turn up to go "well done". Are people really so selfish that they don't care?

No, it isn't, It is boring and a lot of work. It's bad enough that he leaves the family to do it anyway let alone expecting you to go and see his 20 seconds of glory (if you even see it!).

Do something nice with the kids near to where you live, maybe a nice lunch out or meet up with friends. It sounds

She's supporting him by doing all the childcare while he runs, by attending the races that she can reasonably get to, and likely by listening to him prattle on about it for hours on end.

Are people really so selfish that their hobbies trump everyone else's needs?

Ok I agree it's his first marathon. But it sounds like a major operation for OP to get there.
If he'd said something like "I appreciate that it would be a very long trip for you to be here with the baby and DCs, but I'd love it if you were there for my first marathon - it would mean so much to me. I'll give you breakfast in bed for the next 3 weeks and take the older DCs to junior parkrun as it would be great to get them into running as well " then I'd be more on the fence about it. But to expect his DW to take a young baby and DCs on a tricky trip just for his benefit, when she's already supported him at other races - NAH - seems a bit me, me for my liking.

Having said that DH and I are polar opposites. I'd much rather not have him on the finish line as I feel tired and grumpy and just want to think about sorting myself out for a bit and getting my head cleared, whereas DH likes/needs the finish line cheering - twas very difficult at an obstacle race a year or so ago when both he and DS were competing at the same time - he honestly expected me to pay more attention to him than DS ( who was 10 at the time - and I was worried about him getting lost at the end).

He wants you to come so you can cheer his great achievement, drive the car on the way home as his legs will be tired, and listen to him drone on about how exhausted he is. What's not to enjoy ?

Exactly this ^^ Rookie

Stay at home OP.

I run mainly halfs but have done a couple of marathons.

I think its depends on the location - i wouldnt expect my dh to fight through the crowds for London with two toddlers in tow - but brighton, bath ect its manageable and i would want to them to see my accomplishment both for me and for them.

*i see youve got a newborn - yanbu

he honestly expected me to pay more attention to him than DS

Wow. Where did you find this selfless prince among men?

My DH runs marathons. He knows (because I laid down the line early) that I do not stand on the sidelines with the kids.

I have been to so many races where the runners get all the glory and then you see their partners (male and female) struggling with young children. It is a bloody nightmare. For my DH's first marathon we had a banner and congratulations card and had a little party tea for him when he gets back. I have a clear line in the sand about this. I did watch him in London but that was child free which is entirely different.

We do occasionally go if convenient for the kids and sometimes meet for a meal etc afterwards. The last kids event we did had a 90 min queue to get out of the car park.

Don't go.

I absolutely would take them and I think YABU. If this was the other way around and a woman had been training for MONTHS in order to run an entire marathon and her DH would prefer not to come and watch her there'd be outrage.
The training events and mini runs fair enough, this is the real deal and possibly (likely) the only marathon he will ever run. Of course his family should be there. It is a HUGE achievement for him and he wants his wife and children there to cheer him on. I totally appreciate it's an inconvenience for you, but this is huge and I wouldn't be able to forgive my partner if he wasn't there for me at such a huge moment in my life.

if its a city no you'll never get parkd anywhere near you'll b walking for miles

Dog, I would absolutely say the same thing to a female runner (and have done in real life).

I once watched a male runner berate his wife in public for missing him cross the finish line by a few seconds. It was muddy, lashing down with rain and the women had a crying toddler in a pushchair (far to young to care about their dad's finish time) who she had been trying to calm. Was embarrassing to watch.

I like the idea of a tea party and banner. Some races you can track them as they run too by downloading an app. You can be interested and supportive without being on the finish line.

Well, dog maybe your huge moment shouldn't be to the detriment of everyone else! Who do you think has been picking up his slack while he's been doing these hours of training?

Get over yourself!

I out our banner on the front door and put a lot on Facebook. Was genuinely proud of him but also as a bit of an ego boost to 'make up' for us not being there .

My DP is running the Amsterdam marathon in a few weeks and I'm going with him. We're there Saturday-Monday but leaving our dc here with my parents as they'd be bored hanging around (2 and 10) and we're not there long enough to spend time as a family appreciating Amsterdam itself.

well i hope you dont do anything that takes months of preperation to do then expect him to bring the children to watch because that would go down as a lead balloon (aka if you went to uni and graduation etc)

It's a lovely thing to do for someone who's just run all thst way. It's a great thing for the kids to see their father achieve and a great day out. I used to support my dh, pushchair, todder, the works. Seeing your family at the end of a run is amazing

You've done your bit by supporting your dh at other events. The logistics of taking your children to the finish line for this marathon sound a bit hideous, especially with a baby in a pram. Quite often marathons do not go according to plan, so your dh's finish time could be an hour or so out - scanning runners and waiting around with kids if there is a delay is unlikely to be fun. Can your dh find some friend(s) to watch him instead?

It's a great thing for the kids to see their father achieve

Well, the baby certainly isn't going to even realise what's going on, let alone remember it. And if OP's going to be wrangling such young children there's no guarantee they'll see the DH cross the finish line.

Having young children doesn't stop you moving about.