Colleague won't tell me what the problem is?

[grimmm]

A 2 year friendship with a senior male colleague ended in a drunken Saturday night fall out a couple of weeks ago. In the heat of it he said I would lose my job as I'd "clearly lost the plot" etc- I dismissed this as the drink talking and emotions running high. I sent him a text the next day wishing him well etc. No reply. He didnt turn in for work on a weeks sick leave. On his return I asked him if he was OK, only to be met with "Ive been advised not to speak to you, we're not to have contact". Presumed I would hear something from a HR or a superior but nothing. After a week I sent an email, keeping it professional but asking for clarity any grievance he had. No reply. 2 weeks of being ignored pass and I confront him in person about the nature of any disciplinary coming my way- he has told me he isnt having contact with me "on the advice of the boss and will report this contact to boss."

AIBU to ask his manager what this is all about? How hes handling it feels pretty degrading too. AIBU to worry?

.

I posted, had breakfast and now its huge- sorry for delay! We were close! He was a massive emotional support to me when ex-P left and I supported him through family problems etc. We spent a lot of time together, we'd met friends and family. Things broke down over 2 days- he said he wanted a relationship- I said we'd already discussed before that we didnt- I thought we both were happy with the set up. Things seemed ok. I called with him the next day on the way to a works do that he wasnt part of, he was drunk. Id never seen him drunk. I texted him to meet after the work do, hed be drinking, Id been drinking.

What did you do to him OP

Did you sexually harass him?

Ooops, cross post

What happened next?

I texted him to meet after the work do, hed be drinking, Id been drinking.

You keep saying that. You also fail to say what you did in all this, apart from continuing to contact him when he specifically asked you not to.

Hooray ! Some details. Can I put my trollometer away now ?

So. This was an emotional affair that blew up massively. Why is it anything to do with work ?

what a horrible lot you are. wow, people do have a life outside of this site. You are behaving like a pack of rabid dogs.

So this man threatened to take your job because you wont date him?

And you are worried about the friendship?

You arranged to meet up privately? And he called you unhinged because you wont date him.

I still dont think we are getting the full story.

But he is either a total wanker or there is much more to this.

If he is a wanker, go to HR and tell them he is doing all this because you refuse to date him.

I love that photo soooooo much, MrL. It can be applied to so many varieties of situation

Well I'm intrigued, what happened?

Are you prone to exaggeration orange ?

To be fair, I feel a bit rabid today.

We're both single! We both hold candles for other people- it wasnt an emotional affair. He was saying things about how "EX treated you like shit", "you really have lost it, youll lose your job because of this" "do you understand why Im so cross?" I didnt understand because when youre drunk you dont understand things like that! I kept reiterating I valued our friendship. He was really cross. I went home and in the next morning thought it could be water under the bridge, we'd move on with distance. I definetly dont understand how he has played it to work

So like I said you know exactly what the problem is. Why don't you just leave him alone? Talk to hr if you want to take it further

So you were so drunk you have no ckue what happened.

And he doesnt want to date you. He wants to date someone else?

He he called you unhinged out of nowhere?

texted him to meet after the work do, hed be drinking, Id been drinking.

And then what? What happened when you met to lead to him going on a week sick leave and reporting you to the boss?

TBH, it sounds a bit drama llama on his part, and as if nothing disciplinary is coming your way. Do you need to communicate as colleagues, or can you just carry on NC? For damage limitation, you could speak to HR/boss on an informal "this is embarrassing but colleague and I have fallen out, and I'm worried there's an issue" basis, but otherwise ignore and leave him alone!

Give him an incredibly wide berth OP.
I mean, this goes without saying.

When you say you were close friends, has anything ever happened between you before? Or were you just friends and nothing more? Because if this simply is a case of he has feelings for you, you have none for him, and he is going after your job because you set him straight, then you need to get on to a union rep asap. Whatever his logic behind it you need to speak to HR so you can present your side of the story.

"you really have lost it, youll lose your job because of this"

Because if how your Ex treated you?

Because you have done something to someone that is unethical/reprehensible?

Because you drink too much and he's worried about you?

And echoing PP - have no contact with him at all

Boobooboo the problem is it was all out of work. And personal. And after telling me I will lose my job now implies that communicating will cause trouble for me.

Can I approach HR, and ask if there is a complaint/ what it relates to?

Cross post

Absolutely approach HR/your line manager.

Why would you not?!