Colleague won't tell me what the problem is?

[grimmm]

A 2 year friendship with a senior male colleague ended in a drunken Saturday night fall out a couple of weeks ago. In the heat of it he said I would lose my job as I'd "clearly lost the plot" etc- I dismissed this as the drink talking and emotions running high. I sent him a text the next day wishing him well etc. No reply. He didnt turn in for work on a weeks sick leave. On his return I asked him if he was OK, only to be met with "Ive been advised not to speak to you, we're not to have contact". Presumed I would hear something from a HR or a superior but nothing. After a week I sent an email, keeping it professional but asking for clarity any grievance he had. No reply. 2 weeks of being ignored pass and I confront him in person about the nature of any disciplinary coming my way- he has told me he isnt having contact with me "on the advice of the boss and will report this contact to boss."

AIBU to ask his manager what this is all about? How hes handling it feels pretty degrading too. AIBU to worry?

if he had reported you to HR you would have in their office immediately.
He is just being a twat, ignore him completely.

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I is laughing!

Alas, this is not my hobby , but I do like it. I do have hobbies, mostly knitting at the moment as autumn is knitting time. Or something.

And no, don't do any of those law type things for a living. Maybe I should

I'm just one of those possibly weird people who tries to put everything in order. Or something like that. I did a lot of research, analysis and then report compiling for a lot of years, so I'm relatively good at getting to the crux of something and then putting together a small precis. I've been like that for as long as I can remember and it only got worse/better when I studied for a PhD (uncompleted).

One of the careers I wanted in my early twenties was to go and work at Quantico with the FBI as a serial killer researcher.

Yeah, typing that it's obvious I'm a fucking weirdo!

Ravenesque I laughed at the responses to your post especially as I think some of posters who replied appear spend hours and hours on Mumsnet themselves. 😂😂.

Arf at MrLovebucket

I don't think he's reported you to HR.

And if he has, the fact you've heard nothing speaks volumes.

HR don't have to investigate if they think it's inappropriate to do so.

Aye , Aunty. Let she who is without sin cast the first stone!

Kept distance and said nothing so far. The vibe that "if someone says you are batshit, you must have done something to warrant it" has really put me on my guard, the bunny boiling stereotypes are evidently still prevalent with some modern women. I'll be sure do update if/when things develop.

I'm dancing around my Gecko Blaster, in the meantime.

Some of the responses on this thread are ridiculous. 'But what happened, OP?!?' What part of 'I don't know/remember' do people not understand?

Also, if you're going to placemark, be honest about it. Don't post 'This thread is hard work/so boring/stupid' as if you're above it all - we all know how the alerts work.

Have you actually tmremembered what you said then yet OP or are you still being deliberately vague?

He's embarrassed himself and just wants to keep a distance and chatted a power of shite about his manager.

Just leave it. Funny thread though!

FGS the OP is not being deliberately vague. This isn't a chick lit novel where the narrator fills in the juicy details for the prurient.

OP says she doesn't know why he's behaving this way, or from what she can recall of the night, what has triggered it. If she knew, she wouldn't have needed to start the thread.

I have to agree with you OP that female stereotypes abound in this thread - that if there's smoke, you must have lit the fire - which don't bode well for work.

However, I'm inclined to agree with other posters that the manager stuff was likely shite, and he probably hasn't told anyone.

I am in awe of Ravenesque's response. Can you sort my life out for me, please, Raven?

And where is the gecko today?

"From the gecko" that's brilliant

Any wiser on what's been said to the powers that be if anything at all @grimmm. I'd honestly be marching about looking for answers I hate men and their wounded ego pish. It's happened to me at work not with a good friend as such but someone I rejected and they acted like a complete clown it was infuriating. Obviously I'm assuming to a degree that it is just a rejection thing from his part.

@grimmm what happened next?

Ill post again after the meeting. My rep was super supportive and said shes astonished at the ridiculousness of it all.

Im still none the wiser as to whats actually been reported- the letter summoning me was vague and didnt mention any policies etc nerves are kicking in.

OP, good luck. I don't think he has a leg to stand on

I can't tell if I'm missing a post. You've had a letter and met a rep? Have you been invited to a disciplinary meeting? My main concern is that if you can't remember much from that night it doesn't leave you in a strong position to refute any of this man's potential allegations.

Hope everything goes ok.

I think I'm missing a post too, but maybe the op has PMed a few people.

People are not saying you're batshit crazy, just want to know where HE pulled it from. what was happening just before he decided you were crazy (were you having a conversation, jumping on the bar stripping, having an argument). This is what's being left out of your posts.