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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and vegeterian

179 replies

Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 09:30

Sorry rubbish title. I am vegeterian and so are my children (please I don't want to get into the rights and wrongs of this, they can make their own decision when they are older) my daughter came back from school telling me she had eaten sausages , I pulled her TA up about it today (she has asd) and was told they lost her card which specifies she's veggie. Aibu in thinking this is not acceptable!?

OP posts:
BlackStars · 15/09/2017 16:22

A lot of people (mistakenly) think vegetarians can still eat fish (including a lot of 'vegetarians') - maybe they were just mistaken.

Ummmmgogo · 15/09/2017 16:23

oh op. you sound so upset. I think she will have to go on packed lunches for your peace of mind.

maybe the school thinks fish is vegetarian? maybe your daughter is choosing meat options? maybe they don't give a shit? it's so hard to tell.

you are right that her dad seems utterly irrelevant to your convo and I don't like that she brought that up.

how is she getting on at school apart from lunch? xx

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 16:23

I think it was the assistant head who came to spray to me the receptionist told me she would look into it. Sorry it's call muddled I should have explained I called them at 1.30 about it and she told me to come in to speak to them after school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 16:26

The forms have a section which is "no beef, no fish" etc and you tick them so couldn't have I don't think cos I ticked all that apply

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 15/09/2017 16:29

so it's either your daughter choosing meat or the dinner ladies forcing meat on her then. can you get her ta to clarify exactly what happens when the food is put on her plate?

StickThatInYourPipe · 15/09/2017 16:30

That makes more sense.

I am not a vegetarian but I actually think this is really bad. I don't understand this whole 'I don't push beliefs on children' as an argument either. All children are raised to their parents beliefs and moral guidelines surely? Unless of course tou just pop them out and chuck them into the woods to raise themselves.

A pp said about children having a band system, that sounds like a really good idea!

Willow2017 · 15/09/2017 16:54

OP
Get a copy of their complaints proceedure and follow it to the letter with both complaints about the food and the receptionist bringing up your dd's dad (wtf has that got to do with what she has to eat if he isnt even around?)
Be very specific. Dates you found out, what the receptionist/assistant head said.
Keep copies and give them a date by which you want a satisfactory reply and meeting with all concerned - senco, TA, teachers, head etc.

I am really sorry this has happened it shouldnt have, whats the point in filling in dietary requirements if nobody pays the slightest bit of notice to them?

Willow2017 · 15/09/2017 16:57

Ummm
she shouldnt have to be 'chosing' to eat fish or meat, it shouldnt be on her plate in the first place.

If a child who trusts the teachers and staff at school as they should know her well is given something to eat she will not question it at her level of understanding.

Ummmmgogo · 15/09/2017 17:18

I see sorry. I thought maybe she was pointing at her dinner choice xx

Nanny0gg · 15/09/2017 17:47

I'm a vegetarian but my kids eat meat. What a petty thing to get upset about

How is it petty? You clearly aren't a vegetarian from an ethical point of view (and I'm a meat eater)

The school has dropped a very big clanger and the OP has every right to be upset. I would be complaining very, very loudly and their systems need an overhaul.

lljkk · 15/09/2017 18:48

my daughter came back from school telling me she had eaten sausages...

She is basically non verbal, as in she can't have a conversation with anyone

How did your DD tell you that she ate sausages? Confused
I want to imagine using Makaton... but if she could do Makaton, wouldn't she be able to have a conversation?

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 19:04

I asked whatshe had for dinner and she said "sausages" as I already clarified I did say basically non verbal as in she can answer simple questions but not have a conversation so she wouldn't be able to tell me what she did in school but she would be able to say whether she had a good day or not as an example.

OP posts:
lljkk · 15/09/2017 19:07

What else did she eat for dinner?

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2017 19:08

I'm sorry if I missed it but were they definitely meat sausages? We often have quorn hot dogs at school.

lljkk · 15/09/2017 19:16

I'm really surprised that her regular TA forgot she eats vegetarian. Why would they ned a card to remember that? I wonder who really sits with her for lunch. Lots to get to bottom of.

MrLovebucket · 15/09/2017 19:22

You are drip feeding though OP - how are we supposed to deduce from your opening post that your daughter has ASD, is non verbal, has a 1-2-1 all day TA ?

From the opening post:

" I pulled her TA up about it today (she has asd)"

MrLovebucket · 15/09/2017 19:23

Oh fucks sake - ignore my post, I got stuck on Page 1 Blush

Move along, nothing to see here apart from me being a twat

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/09/2017 19:25

@PurpleDaisies the OP has since found out she's been given fish regularly as well, so it's a total fail not just a one off.

LilQueenie · 15/09/2017 19:27

yanbu this happened to my DD. Head agreed it was not acceptable. What if said child had an allergy and had a reaction.

PurpleMinionMummy · 15/09/2017 19:41

Yanbu. It needs to be raised with the school to ensure it doesn't happen again. Next time they may not be so lucky and they might make a child very ill. Their systems and processes need to be reviewed and/or people need to be reminded.

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2017 19:47

the OP has since found out she's been given fish regularly as well, so it's a total fail not just a one off.

I can see the op has been told that her daughter has eaten fish (which is totally out of order of the school) but I couldn't see a post confirming they were meat sausages today.

HiJenny35 · 16/09/2017 00:17

I don't think the fact that your child has asd is relevant your family has made their wishes clear and the school should follow it.
This wouldn't be ok if the child was Muslim and it wasn't halal or Jewish, there would be outrage, it's totally the same, our family belief system is that eating meat is wrong. As for 'letting them eat it till they are old enough to decide for themselves' Why? We don't do this with anything else that we believe is fundamentally wrong, if that's the theory then surely we should make them attend all religions places of worship incase they decide they want to follow it or let them partake in any activity wether we think it is wrong or right so that they can make their own choice later, that's not how parenting works, you raise your kids with the belief system you believe in, informing them of other choices and letting them decide when they are old enough, you don't force them into things you believe are wrong. I don't force her to eat meat she can decide to eat it when she is old enough to decide however at 4 and only just in reception if an adult gave her something and told her she had to eat it she would be too worried not to. I wouldn't be horrified but I'd be cross that they have such poor protocols. Lunchtime supervisors should be very aware of allergies and what foods are allowed to be eaten by which children.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 16/09/2017 00:24

Sorry to be a bit dim here, but your DD is non verbal and you made the veggie choice for her ? How old is she? How did / do you know her choices? Not judging just curious?

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 16/09/2017 09:03

I make my choices for my kids just like YOU make choices for your kids. Simple really. I'm still so upset tbh it isn't just that she was fed it but also the way I was treated. There was literally no apology, she justified it by saying "well she hasn't had it this term" like that makes it ok?

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 16/09/2017 09:04

Allthegood
All the answers to your questions are in ops posts.