Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and vegeterian

179 replies

Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 09:30

Sorry rubbish title. I am vegeterian and so are my children (please I don't want to get into the rights and wrongs of this, they can make their own decision when they are older) my daughter came back from school telling me she had eaten sausages , I pulled her TA up about it today (she has asd) and was told they lost her card which specifies she's veggie. Aibu in thinking this is not acceptable!?

OP posts:
SlothMama · 15/09/2017 10:13

Send her in with a packed lunch if it is such an issue for you, these mistakes happen. They shouldn't but it's not like she was allergic to meat, having a quiet word with the school should prevent this happening again.

BlackStars · 15/09/2017 10:15

Did she enjoy them though and would like them again?

If so she's made her choice.

Apileofballyhoo · 15/09/2017 10:17

YANBU and didn't drip feed. If she had an allergy she could now be dead because someone lost her card.

You provided information regarding her having a TA and having ASD in your original post so it was obvious your child has some kind of additional needs and requires additional care, which made it obvious to me she needed adult care regarding her food. Can't see how the additional information you provided is viewed as a drip feed. Doesn't even seem that relevant to your AIBU to me, everything is covered in your OP.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/09/2017 10:17

No, my dd does not get to make a choice to eat meat at school. Any more than a child being brought up according to a religious dietary code gets to choose.

I am her parent. I decide. The school follows my wishes on this subject.

If she was repeatedly expressing an interest in eating meat (or non-kosher, non-halal etc as relevant) at school, I'd find it helpful if they told me. This might lead us into a discussion at home. The school does not get to decide that a family's dietary code is irrelevant.

Boulshired · 15/09/2017 10:19

I would be even more worried about how little the TA knew about your child especially if she is not new to your daughter. Having myself a non verbal child, knowing that his school understands him is extremely important.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 10:19

Like I said if she enjoyed chocolate every day it wouldn't mean she was allowed it. I never asked that. I'm not sure if it was one time as obviously her card has been lost and could have been for a while.

OP posts:
Walkingdead11 · 15/09/2017 10:20

Pretty simple in my opinion, if you want to force your principles on your children then you should provide her lunch.

ifonly4 · 15/09/2017 10:20

It's not just on the TA, surely the ladies in the kitchen know which of their children are veggies, lactose intolerant, nut allergy etc as with some it's not just personal preference it's a life threatening issue . Ours certainly do and they ensure there is enough kept aside of the right meal and look at who their serving. Having said this mistakes do happen, but the fact they're are at least two (other kitchen staff were probably serving veggies/puddings and didn't either) who'd have been aware and not picked up she had meat sausages isn't acceptable. Even a, TA on a 1:1 can get distracted with other emergencies, situations that arise and they need to alert other staff to deal with, but like I say she/he isn't the only one aware of the situation.

ExConstance · 15/09/2017 10:20

OP YANBU, totally irrelevant that your child has ASD and 121 support, if you direct that she has a vegetarian diet and they breach that requirement they are very much in the wrong and you need to complain. As a vegetarian myself the thought of a child of mine being given meat is quite sickening.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/09/2017 10:26

OP YANBU, I'd contact the school and ask them how they can ensure this isn't likely to happen again. I'd check that they weren't vegetarian sausages though, which could be a possibility.

@Walkingdead11 every parent "forces" their principles on their children! Meat-eating is the norm in the UK but that doesn't make it the default position for everyone.

Viviennemary · 15/09/2017 10:28

Under the circumstances the school was negligent. Go in and ask for an explanation. Surely the staff must know by now she doesn't eat meat products.

Willow2017 · 15/09/2017 10:29

Blaclstars

She is non-vebal, has the age level of a 2-3 yr old her TA is supposed to ensure she gets the correct meal. If a child is incapable of arguing with an adult over something its not a 'choice' she is consciously making.

Why is everyone so keen to find it apparently hilarious that when a child is fed something with meat in it by an adult its a sudden and permanent 'lifestyle choice by the child and a poke in the eye for the parent? If you have a varied diet and are getting all the nutrients you need then what business is it of anyone elses? Why should a non verbal child have any less right to her specific diet than a child who can speak up and say "No thank you I dont eat meat"? (and I am not a vegetarian I just believe in choice)

lottiegarbanzo · 15/09/2017 10:30

Fortunately dd's school, like most schools, is far more embracing of diversity than some of the posters on this thread.

They are able to provide good cooked meals meeting a wide range of dietary requirements. No fuss. No packed lunches necessary.

I'm sure your dd's school will take more care once you've spoken to them. I'd be suggesting they re-visit their system.

missperegrinespeculiar · 15/09/2017 10:31

mistakes happen, yes, but this doesn't mean they are not serious! as somebody said before, what id it had been an allergy? very poor.

(BTW, no drip feed, the info is all in the first post...)

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 15/09/2017 10:34

Oh OP.

Your first crime was to dare to bring your child up vegetarian, MN hates it for some reason.

YADNBU, and I would be having very stern words with the school.

As usual this thread has brought out the veggie haters.

if you want to force your principles on your children then you should provide her lunch

But I could say the same for meat eaters, surely?
Eating meat is also a point of principle.

And as for "forcing" DS to be veggie........ my entire household is veggie, me and DP have been veggie for 20 years and 30 years respectively, so is my Dad (50 years).
Why would we, after decades of being veggie, bring up our child a meat eater?

It's not "forcing" him, it's simply how our whole family eats.

Would you say the same to Jews about pork and shellfish, or hindus about beef, or muslims about non- halal??

letmepeeinpeace · 15/09/2017 10:34

I'm a vegetarian but my kids eat meat. What a petty thing to get upset about Hmm

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 15/09/2017 10:35

It's a feisty Friday on here!

OPs first post says ASD and TA.

But actually that doesn't matter, she is vegetarian, her parent has told the school that she wished her to be a vegetarian. End of!
They would be in trouble if they were feeding pork to children who's religion doesn't allow that, or dairy, say, to a child with an allergy.

OP you are right to be cross, and this shows the school that their system isn't working. As you say, who knows how long this has been happening?

You are definitely not BU.

bookwormsforever · 15/09/2017 10:36

So, a breakdown of communication.

Reiterate (write a note) to teacher and TA that your dd is vegetarian, and ask to speak to kitchen manager if poss - at our lower school the dc with special dietary requirements had their photo up in the canteen so dinner ladies could check they were giving them the right food.

Catering for a vegetarian is not tricky.

bookwormsforever · 15/09/2017 10:38

And it's not 'a petty thing to get upset about'!

OP has told the school her dd is vegetarian (this is entirely OP's choice, until her dd is old enough to decide for herself). The school has failed to do as OP asked. Their system has not worked. School should check things like this at the start of each school year, esp. for children who are non-verbal.

FfionFlorist · 15/09/2017 10:40

We are vegetarian, all 3 of my dc went through a period of trying meat at school at about 6 or 7, almost always to fit in I think. School always mentioned it to me, but I'm not a militant vegetarian so I just ignored.

Caulkheadupnorf · 15/09/2017 10:40

Does her TA go into lunch with her? Schools I've worked at recently often have the TA take their lunch at that time so they can be on the playground with the child.

How does she normally choose what she is having? Some schools the choices happen at registration and at others children choose when they queue at lunchtime. Just wondering what adults were there who know her.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 15/09/2017 10:41

Oh yeah and completely agree with Willow.

Whats with the undisguised and nasty glee that a veggie kid has eaten meat??
Does it somehow vindicate your own meat eating choices?

It's basically standing there pointing and saying "see, see I told you she didn't want to be veggie" even if it's a fucking accident, and the kid never wanted meat in the first place.

DS has never eaten meat, if someone gave him a sausage he would probably eat it, and not know it wasn't veggie, because he has nothing to compare it to.

To some of you apparently this would be a victory for the meat eaters, and a rejection of our family lifestyle, when in reality DS is proud to be veggie (tells everyone!) and would be horrified to have eaten an actual sausage.

I have "friends" like this.
One actually tried to sneak him a sausage roll once, I actually overheard her say "Isn't mummy mean to not let you have meat....go on....just one little bite" Shock

Needless to say we had words about that.

bookwormsforever · 15/09/2017 10:41

Bloody hell, WalkingDead, what a stupid post:

Pretty simple in my opinion, if you want to force your principles on your children then you should provide her lunch.

'Force your principles'? Being vetetarian is much healthier than being a meat eater.

If you 'force' your dc to eat meat, why don't you provide lunch for them???

What about people who can't eat certain foods due to their religion? Should they be made to bring in lunches too?

They're all valid choices made by parents.

Blimey, MN is very odd today. Some really narrow-minded people about.

opheliacat · 15/09/2017 10:44

Some people do get a bizarre delight out of tricking or forcing a vegetarian to eat meat. I would not be happy.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 15/09/2017 10:45

Would everyone be happy with a Jewish kid being accidentally fed a bacon sandwich??

Would it get laughed off as "petty" and "not something to get worked about"??

No I doubt it would.

If a diet is stated, thats the diet that is given, it is not down to the school, or other fucking adults to make the decision for the family.

What if the sausage had made her ill?