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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and vegeterian

179 replies

Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 09:30

Sorry rubbish title. I am vegeterian and so are my children (please I don't want to get into the rights and wrongs of this, they can make their own decision when they are older) my daughter came back from school telling me she had eaten sausages , I pulled her TA up about it today (she has asd) and was told they lost her card which specifies she's veggie. Aibu in thinking this is not acceptable!?

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 15/09/2017 10:49

being vegetarian is much healthier than being a meat eater really ? Hmm

Anyway the OP isn't asking opinions about what she feeds her kids, surely the school should have known? She has a TA who probably takes her to lunch each day? Surely she would have noticed that the child does not eat meat?

OP I would be slightly annoyed too but it's not the end of the world. I have a dd with ASD and many mistakes have been made at school (a sausage would be the least of my worries). Just remind the school that she is vegatarian.

KalaLaka · 15/09/2017 10:50

My kids watched more than their allowance of screen time yesterday, but they liked it. Shall I just let them make that choice then? No chance.

such a ridiculous argument.

OP I had to reinforce the idea several times at school, please do write a letter to the TA.

couchparsnip · 15/09/2017 10:52

Not acceptable from the school. They need to look at their processes and tell you how they will ensure this doesn't happen again. I would be writing to the governors.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/09/2017 10:52

My mum use to try to trick me into eating meat when I was younger by hiding it in food. Some people certainly do enjoy it.

OP posts:
CryingShame · 15/09/2017 10:52

This wouldn't happen at DS' school, children are given a coloured band (red - meat / fish, green - veg, yellow - jacket potato) -n class, based on the order put in by their parent and they hand this wrist band in at lunchtime.

If this was an allergy issue, or religious issue, people would be sympathising with the OP. OP, I'd be going into school to ask what steps they'll be taking to ensure meals can't get mixed up like this again.

fascicle · 15/09/2017 10:54

Schools should have a robust framework in place to assist younger children with allergies - no reason why the same process(es) can't be used to support children without allergies but with specific dietary requirements. Worth asking the school how they can prevent something similar in future (like making the dinner staff aware that your child is vegetarian).

hackmum · 15/09/2017 10:55

"Pretty simple in my opinion, if you want to force your principles on your children then you should provide her lunch."

And this week's prize for the most idiotic comment...

Walkingdead11 · 15/09/2017 11:01

Actually it's not idiotic at all. There are robust and philosophical arguments about this issue everywhere, particularly with regards to religion. The Humanist Society regularly debates the indoctrination of children in this respect. How is a child supposed to make sense of a world when they are given only a narrow view of it? I don't force my ideas on my children, I give them information, encourage them to find information and come to their conclusions themselves.

KalaLaka · 15/09/2017 11:07

walkingdead do you tell them about /show them images of factory farming and animal slaughter?

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/09/2017 11:09

@Walkingdead11 this isn't about religion, it's about dietary choices. A vegetarian diet is a complete healthy diet for children and a valid choice. Parents of children who are too young to decide anything for themselves have to choose what to feed them. If a vegetarian diet is their choice that is just as valid as choosing to give them a meat based diet. It's not about giving them a "narrow view" of the world. My children are vegetarian and I have had many many discussions about what food is and where it comes from. My 5 year old is not forced to be vegetarian now he can express his own choices. He understands where meat comes from and why some people have different opinions about whether they want to eat it. He occasionally decides to choose fish from the school lunch menu, but mainly chooses the vegetarian option. I've given him the information and he's making his own choices, as appropriate for his age.

Worriedrose · 15/09/2017 11:09

As others have said. What if she was Jewish and the card was lost and they fed her a sauasage because no one could remember!!??
She's there everyday, who can't remember if someone who has 1-2-1 care is a vegetarian
It's just lazy.

opheliacat · 15/09/2017 11:09

Who amongst us encourages our children to eat dogs and cats, blubber, snake and bushmeat, to name but a few foods eaten widely outside of Europe. Logically, if we take from the above that not eating certain foods narrows their world view, we should encourage children to eat everything, otherwise, they have a narrow view of food. Right?

We all impose our values on children. There is no real way around it. It isn't narrowing their world view, it is demonstrating your own values and beliefs, which is different.

KalaLaka · 15/09/2017 11:15

ophelia eloquently put.

sashh · 15/09/2017 11:17

How oh how am i drip feeding it was in the post ASD and TA whether it was at the beginning or end is irrelevant. It was still in there.

Yes but it didn't say 1-1 or how old your child is.

There is huge difference between a non verbal 6 year old with 1-1 support and a 16 year old who's ASD comes across as 'quirky' and is quite able to make choices.

No one on here knows the situation unless you explain it.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 15/09/2017 11:17

Love all the posts about how 'she's made her choice', as if a primary school age child should just be given free reign over their food choices (even without ASD). Mine would live on chips and Freddoes if I let her. OP is more than entitled to make decisions about the diet of her own children, and the school should respect that. However, accidents happen, they lost the card, they've been pulled up on it, hopefully it won't happen again.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/09/2017 11:21

Um, the issue at play here is the school's administrative capability, not anyone's approach to education.

No doubt walkingdead11 has complained to her education authority about the waste of resources and ideological dangers of catering to other families' dietary norms and to any dcs who have, through a process of learning and independent thought, arrived at the conclusion they wish to be vegetarian.

Her 'hegemony of omnivory, all odd-balls must self-cater' viewpoint does not seem to have prevailed, however.

Ummmmgogo · 15/09/2017 11:25

wtf do vegetarian posts have to bring out the islamphobic posters who feel that muslim/Jewish child are getting some sort of special treatment??

FlyingGiraffeBox · 15/09/2017 11:26

I don't force my ideas on my children, I give them information, encourage them to find information and come to their conclusions themselves

And you would sit down with a six year old, with a mental capability of 2-3 (as OP has stated above) and have this deep philosophical discussion with them would you? Very young children or those with SN cannot always make their own decisions. They rely on their parents to do the best they can for them. As OP is.

Walkingdead11 · 15/09/2017 11:30

opheliacat

Cultural norms are just that, they are the norms of that culture. So I teach my children the cultural norms of British society because we live here. But I don't teach them that that's all there is, that anything outside of that is wrong, that would be eurocentric. Being a vegetarian is a belief system, I believe all belief systems have the right to be challenged. There are many unhealthy children out there, both meat eating and non meat eating so I do reject the notion that it is healthier to be a vegetarian because it is very difficult to ascertain that. I have issues with parents who put their belief sysyems onto their children and so do many others, this is not a new thing. What would happen if the OP's child expressed a desire to eat meat?

Sprinklestar · 15/09/2017 11:33

As a fellow veggie, I'd be livid. I doubt this would have happened if the dietary needs had been due to religion or an allergy... I'd be expecting an apology from the school and assurances this will never be happening again. Seriously, it's not hard. They sound incompetent!

Pringlemunchers · 15/09/2017 11:33

This is a very important issue. As said , maybe it's a child with allergies, religious beliefs , whatever. This is not something to be shrugged off. The school failed you and your child. I work within school doing exactly this type of work and believe me we have many systems in place to ensure this doesn't happen. We work so hard identifying the allergens in foods, dietary requirements etc. It is worth flagging up to the school and catering ( even on this occasion it was 'just' a sausage ). Just a sausage to child who may be gluten free, would ensure pain and discomfort for days. By the way I am a veggie and this attitude of ' well it won't kill her' pisses me off .

opheliacat · 15/09/2017 11:34

And they will doubtless be challenged Walking. However, I personally would not bring my child up with a set of beliefs I believe are wrong to widen their world view.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/09/2017 11:44

Eating meat is a belief system too, which parents put on their children. It happens to be the dominant belief system in the UK but that doesn't make it the default position for everyone.

samG76 · 15/09/2017 11:54

On the "what if it were a Jewish kid eating bacon" point, if my 6 year old were accidentally fed a sausage, I wouldn't be amused, but it wouldn't be life-endingly bad. As long as it wasn't done out of malice, I'd take the view that mistakes happen.... A grumbling letter to whoever was in charge would follow, but probably nothing further.

Runssometimes · 15/09/2017 11:58

As a veggie family I find some of the attitudes on here depressing. OP, meet with the head of catering and the school and insist that your family dietary requirements should be respected. There's no excuse for what they have done. I'd be really annoyed.

Now that my DS is 5 we've discussed about why we are veggie, he's still opposed to eating meat. I've been clear I'm not cooking it at home but he could now choose to eat it at school. He doesn't. Actually most vegetarian parents I know do give their children a choice when they are informed and old enough to make the choice. Which, put bluntly is more than many meat eaters give their kids when a sentient being has died to feed them. If you asked your kid honestly if they want the pig, cow, chicken to die so they could have dinner, many kids wouldn't be so sure. But they weren't given the choice either. A well balanced vegetarian diet is perfectly healthy - as is a meat one - so really there's no harm at all in the choice not to eat meat. So why the glee if it happens?

And yes I've had people try to sneak my child meat too. He's been really upset by it as he now feels it's his choice and they are trying to trick him. But it's never happened at school, preschool, nursery or at a childminder who have all respected our choices as just a dietary requirement.