AIBU to tell him to pack his bags and tell him to f*** off with his chatroom scummy mummy?

[babyno5]

Long story short-this week I have discovered my partner of 14 years and father of my children has formed an online relationship (yep he's declaring undying live for her even tho she's 24 years his junior and he's never actually met her!). I have spent the week calmly gathering evidence but tomorrow morning I intend sending him a series of texts. First one telling home to collect his bags followed by the evidence I have gathered.
My sister thinks I'm being unreasonable as he hasn't actually slept with her!! Personally I find no this worse and more of a betrayal

Why text and not face to face?

Scumbags. That is all

Where's the evidence from?

Has he left his laptop/phone lying around?

Emotional Affair.
It means he's not in your relationship monogamously in his mind so imo is just as culpable as having slept with her.

Fuck him over.

yanbu. i'm sorry this is happening to you

Thank you!
Reason I'm not doing it face to face is I don't want him to see me upset. I need to be strong for the kids. I'm still in shock as he is the most boring man you could ever meet!
Yes I suspected something was going on but thought it would be a "classic affair" so have managed to get into his phone

It's possibly worth considering that 'she' might not even exist. There are still a lot of these chat/text services where the bloke is paying and the girl he thinks he is talking to is actually six different underpaid people working from home (at least one of whome is probably a bloke) pluss a set of old stock shots.

Fuck him over.

Not sure how you think that makes things any better Reanimated

Whether she's real or not he thinks she is and he thinks he's in love with her.
I feel sick at his betrayal and would never have thought he would do this. But you live and learn

Good for you, your sisters standards are too low

I hope she's not real.

He'll kick himself even harder if he loses everything over a fake.

Wishing you strength Baby, you can do this

If you think he's the most boring man you could ever meet then, betrayal aside, is this actually going to turn out to be a good thing for you? It's hard to decipher a few words over the internet but you come across as being very calm (e.g gathering the evidence). Is this just a case of bringing the inevitable forward?

I think I'm calm because I'm having to be for the kids. I've cried buckets this week.
Yes I think it is bringing the inevitable forward, you're right.
Thank you for the support! xx

You are not being unreasonable to dump this twat, but before you kick him out, make sure you have all your finances etc sorted out and copies of everything.

If you post on the relationships board, there are knowledgable people there who can help you with this stuff.

Sounds to me its some sort of a mid life crisis. He needs a firm talking to or kick up the arse that might knock some sense into him or else he's for the big DIVORCE high jump!

I'd plan a bit more and get your ducks in a row first

I understand that the betrayal will still hurt but if you're that upset then you've done an admirable job keeping so calm for the children. There are some crap times ahead but also some exciting ones!

Be prepared that he may try and fight for you and be prepared to know what you'll do if he does.

I agree with an above post - do try and have as much prepared as possible but also you can't carry on living like this knowing what he's doing. You sound very strong. You've got this! x

He must be deluded thinking he is in love with someone who he chats to online.

He'll soon find out the grass is no greener on the other side.

I personally wouldn't move so quickly, I wouldn't involve other members of the family and I would meet him face to face, somewhere else if necessary. But I really hope that you find a way forward that allows you to have a better life, with or without him.

Have you got everything financial sorted? Copies of everything? Is the house jointly owned? Good luck!

Trust mumsnet for the first reply not to be one of support, solitude, empathy or strength.

But questioning your way of doing things.

As the other (supportive!) posters said Op, fuck him right in the eye. It doesn't matter that he didn't have sex with her, it's wrong and you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Best of luck and strength today.

Going against the grain here. But this is your children's father, is there any chance you could speak to him rationally about this? How is your marriage. Why are you married to a man you consider the most boring g man you could meet? I think this is worth talking over to see if anything is salvageable.

Do it.
He has betrayed you for what could merely be a fantasy, which is just pathetic of him.
I'm right behind you on this one.