Like newly weds with a newborn...jealous?!?

[Misstomrs]

One of my closest friends recently told me that her relationship with her husband was like newly weds after her DD was born. He was kind, considerate, offering to do things for her, did all the night feeds 10pm - 5am so she could sleep. It made them completely loved up to see how much they loved their DD.
My husband really struggled when our DS was born. I had a horrific birth and was in hospital for over a week with various things. At one point the midwife came and instructed my husband to take my son away for a few hours so I could rest. He refused. If he couldn't rest, then why should I. Where we got home he would not be alone with our DS. Wouldn't care for him without me there. If I asked him to do something he would say he needed the loo so would need me to be quick with shower etc. He has had counselling and there is no denying he has been patient with me physically as I have had major issues which I have posted about elsewhere. Normally my husband is he most considerate man so this was a completely unexpected situation and one I have really struggled with.
My friend is now planning a second pregnancy (our first were unexpectedly at the same time) and I feel bereft that because of how my husband behaved, in part, I don't feel able to even consider having another child. It was just so awful.
AIBU To think having a new baby isn't like being newlyweds for most people?

But feel sorry for OP rest assured it's not normal!!

So what's 'normal' then?

Just getting through the newborn stage and trying to be kind to each other through the sleep deprivation in my case!!

DH was just amazed by the whole thing. He couldn't do enough for us all. He took 4 months off work (his own business) and spent pretty much all of my maternity leave doting on his family. To the pint where I ended up asking him to go back to work and bugger off out to golf so I could have some peace and quiet. He's an incredible Dad and having children and building a family absolutely strengthened our love and our relationship.

Not everyone acts that way, not everybody finds newborns that easy and it's fine to be sleep deprived and exhausted. Our awful bits came later when DS2 decided he didn't like the act of sleeping so we spent his first 6 months lulled into a false sense of joy then the following 2 and a half years batshit with exhaustion because the only place he slept was in our bed between us. That's normality for you; the good and the bad.