Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

[sharond101]

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

@Iwanttobe8stoneagain

How about you stop assuming what I or other posters would do. Stop being so ridiculous!

plus use bloody paragraphs!

Piglet "says the person who send to have decided....." please use sentences rather than random assemblies of words that make no sense!!!!!!

Piglet I assumed nothing - you said you wouldn't entertain me! Unless you meant you wouldn't invite me round to yours for a G&T and sing and dance!

Oh and piglet the correct punctuation of a question is a question mark rather than exclamation mark

I agree with piglet

Stop apologising for this boys creepy behaviour

Oh and piglet the correct punctuation of a question is a question mark rather than exclamation mark

It wasn't a question it was a statement.

HTH

@iwanttobe8stoneagain

You're seriously picking on someone's punctuation when you have just posted that word salad? It needs a massive dash of sense dressing.

Fullof

The boy is 5 years old. The virtiol being spewed at him on here is treating him like he was some 50 yr old pervert.

What he did was wrong but he needs to be told why and how it affects the girl. Shutting him in a classroom for 2 days isnt going to teach him much about that. Funny how many teachers on this thread have said the school handled it wrong and how they would have dealt with it in a better way - educating him as to why it was wrong, explaining how the girl would feel and reitterating the pants rule to the whole class. Also talking to all the parents concerned. A much more appropriate and constructive approach.

He patently was not supervised as if he was the teacher would have seen he was drawing. If he wasnt supposed to be drawing she would have stopped him, if she deliberately let him carry on then put his drawing in the bin thats just spiteful. He should have been told exactly what he was to do in the classroom. That was a misteak on the teachers side.

The op should have been told what happened that day and told about the punishment, not left to tease it out of her son over 2 days. She would have been able to deal with it there and then and have a chat with him about boundaries, pants rule and punishment. It was not good practice not to.
This was a kid doing a silly thing as kids do. An explaination of why it was wrong, a punishment and apology to the girl would have been sufficient. (the boy who told him to do it should have had a chat about the same thing too)

To infer that some silly misteak (which it is to a 5yr old) is going to turn him into a sexual pervert for the rest of his life and he will have a criminal record in 10 years time it beyond hysteria.

And to infer that he needs a 'good thrashing' is beyond belief.

Yes the op needs to teach him not to follow peers blindly.
Yes she needs to discuss boundaries and explain how what he did was upsetting to the girl.
Yes she needs to see the teacher and find out exactly what happened.
Yes she needs to let her child know that if you do something wrong you will get a punishment.
But people are accusing her of raising a pervert which isnt helping anyone.

Parents getting involved - on a parents talking in playground way - is rarely a wise idea and the reason why when schools are reporting incidents to parents other children should never be named.

Op's attitude is quite common in India. Hear it all the time it's always someone else's or the victim's fault, and then that boy grows up to to become a rapist. Bad parenting. The boy needs this to be addressed at home.

Don't get the other parent involved if you don't want a beating or verbal thrashing. I would go apeshit if one of my kids had their pants pulled down in school.

I agree with the rest of the punishment, the picture in the bin is nasty, it signals that you are worthless to a little 5 year old boy. Op does not need to punish at home, the incident happened at school and was dealt with at school. I word talk to him about his behaviour mabey the pants thing by the NCPCC.

So your son pulled a girls knickers down and you're upset?

I'd leave it. He will have been supervised (teacher in far side of classroom/looking through window from corridor etc) and why should he keep a picture he's made while being punished? If it were me (and I'm a teacher - although of 10 year olds) he'd have been given a book or two to look at, or, most probably, sat outside the head's office.

For clarity, I wouldn't have thrown it away in front of him. I'd have taken it and then binned it at the end of the day when he'd left.

Professor cat I was responding to piglets passive aggressive strike through about my grammar!

Nuttymoo. Are you seriously suggesting that the parent of the girl could beat up the parent of the 5 year old boy so they should keep quiet. Wtaf??? This thread has gone absolutely bonkers!!!!

I do find it extremely odd that the teacher didn't tell the parents in this case. There were 3 incidents where my DD2 in her reception year had altercations with one of her close school friends. (One was an accident.) The teachers told me all 3 times on the same day and I backed up their actions.

Yes, this incident was unpleasant. But why has the OP only heard about it from her DS? I would be very concerned about that.

You need to ask for an appointment with the teacher to ask what went on, OP. Then you can both be on the same page and he's not getting mixed messages.

And yes, look at the NSPCC website for the pants guidelines for children. He should know that you don't touch girls (or boys) in private areas.

In my classroom, all drawings/colouring pages etc without names on that are not put in a safe place (i.e. A tray) are put in recycling. You have no idea the amount of anonymous drawings that float around a reception class. It's a lot of paper. I am very guilty of a lot of doodles and crayon scribbles going in the bin. Occasionally, a child will witness me putting something unnamed of theirs in the bin and I'll be very apologetic. 90 percent of 5 year olds will not be able to recognise their own drawing beyond the first five minutes, unless it's a very carefully drawn or identifiable piece.

I think I'd probably want to ask the teacher what happened.
Because from what your son has relayed back to you the consequences seem to be more about making him feel bad than about teaching him how wrong his actions really were.
I think that with the real story from the teacher you can concentrate on making sure he knows what was so wrong about what he did and why the teacher may have been angry enough with him to be a bit mean with the drawing.
More understanding all round should help him to not do anything as daft again but also know how to behave so that school isn't a scary place for him or the little girl.

My post about how my dd would feel or I would feel is anecdotal. It was in response to posters, who stated the girl will definitely have been deeply affected or even traumatised by the experience. It was not judging any other parenting by that of my mother. I'm struggling to understand how it is victim blaming or criticising other people's parenting. But hey, have fun.

Oh for goodness sake. A 5 year old is not a reliable source of what happened. There is not a cat in hell's chance he was left unsupervised. No doubt he was in sight of an adult. If parents honestly think teachers leave children unsupervised at any time then you have a shocking lack of trust.
This is exactly why we have issues. I have a 4 year old who would never dream of pulling down another child's pants and if a child did it to mine I'd be utterly furious. As would I be furious with my child if they did it. I wouldn't dream of querying the school's response based on my child's say so. You need to focus on what your child did wrong instead of finding fault with the school. Perhaps if parents actually trusted schools to do their jobs we wouldn't be in this mess. Your child did something awful and your focus should be on that. By all means clarify what happened but your overriding attitude when you speak to the teacher should be one of accepting your child was in the wrong and apologising for his unacceptable behaviour.
Completely agree with the poster who mentions a whole generation of parents who try to find fault with the schools. It's so frustrating. Trust professionals who care for your children to do their job and treat them with respect and perhaps they won't be leaving in their droves. People seem to forget that teachers go into the job because they like children and want to do their best for them. As soon as parents remember that and actually start to trust them we will all be better off.

I doubt he was unsupervised. Just because he couldn't see an adult doesn't mean to say he wasn't being kept an eye on.

As for the picture going in the bin, ok it wasn't nice, but it a far less ordeal for him than what he did to the girl. As the others have said, hopefully this will mean he won't do something like this again.

I would check the story about being unsupervised and otherwise watch and wait wrt the teacher.

I had my knickers pulled down by a boy in class at the same age (ish). Was V humiliating. Luckily my best mate told me to pull HIS down too which I did and although we both got into trouble that was probably the best advice I've ever had. Punishing your son gave the girl a good message as well as him.

I actually do not think the punishment is unreasonable. He will know not to make that mistake again. I accept he probably did not mean it in malice but it might have embarassed the little girl. Also if little girls can know it is wrong to have their pants taken down it might help them if real sex abusers try it on with them.

When I was near the top of my junior school (maybe 9 or 10 ish) i was forced down to the floor by 3 kids and they yanked my knickers down when I refused to show them my private bits. They used threats to try and get me to do show them my minky but I did not want to so they grabbed me and held me down while they grabbed them off. It was just us 4 kids there. I came home bruised around my private area. I was a sensitive shy kid and cried my eyes out. My mum went to the school and made a fuss but the teacher blamed me and said i was lying. I remember feeling ashamed about it. Deeply ashamed.

I doubt it caused me any lasting scars but in my teens a real sex offender tried it on and i froze. I felt ashamed again. I never reported it, my dad told me as it was not rape, no harm done and I would look stupid if i told the police. Maybe if those boys had not done what they did i would not have frozen up??? Mind you, I always did take things too seriously. I just hope that little girl is more resilient than I was!