Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

[sharond101]

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

Everything Wherethefuckismyfucking coat said!

Thank you Wherethefuckismyfuckingcoat - your a voice of reason on a largely disgusting (I think bonkers is too nice) thread about a very young child who just happens to be a boy god help him if the parents on here are any judge.

I think that the ott hysteria about a five yo pants-ing a young peer is hurtful and unkind. Firstly, he is not a pervert, secondly, the attitude that he is a liar, exaggerating and whatever else you have slung at him is rude and unkind.

This thread has turned my stomach and makes me sad for OP.

It didnt say that her bare bottom was exposed. Her knickers surely?

Kids are not sexual at that age.

Please consider the feelings of OPs who ask for advice. The outrage needs to be held in check. Look in the mirror and tell us that your dc NEVER stepped into poor taste or immature territory. If the question was posed: what horrid thing did your child do to another? Most of us would have a story to tell.

Be kind!

Ha! Consider the feelings of the OP?? Sadly this is aibu where competitive nastiness is rife. People think the anonymity it brings gives them carte blanche to say whatever the fuck they like, and in fact if they can get a witty insult in, the harsher the better.

When it boils down to it, if my child had their underwear yanked down by another, would I be angry and upset for my child, hell yes! Would I be angry with the child who did it? A bit, yes. Would I want to ensure that the child was made to understand that their actions were wrong, inappropriate and not to be repeated? Also yes.

Would I want them given a good thrashing, humiliated themselves by their teacher, made afraid to go to school, suspended or expelled? Fuck no! They are FIVE!!!

Again, if it was my child who did the underwear yanking, would I feel angry at them for doing something stupid? Yes. Would I feel sorry for the child whose underwear was yanked? Absolutely. Would I want my child admonished, made to apologise and given an immediate and age appropriate punishment? Of course.

But as above, would I want my child thrashed etc? Would I fuck, and not one of the sanctimonious idiots on this thread advocating this for this five year old would want it for theirs either if they had carried out the same action.

Ah but bananas, that's far too middle of the road for aibu!

But yes, a bit like the time my 3.9 year old insisted there was a blue raccoon in the back yard, and when I challenged him on why I couldn't see it he boldly declared that it flew away!

Seriously though, I haven't really noticed on this thread (m)any posters saying that he's a totally innocent poor wee bubba who couldn't possibly tell a lie or do wrong etc etc, but the other end of the scale has been pretty shameful.

You are minimising his behaviour OP. I have not known this happen before in the primary school I taught at for 2 years. It is unusual behaviour. You are very lucky he was not excluded. He deserves a consequence at home and should know you disapprove strongly and are very disappointed in his behaviour- not that you feel sorry for him. You should feel sorry for the girl he humiliated.

Ridiculous for anyone to even imply that this is normal ,behaviour, somehow acceptable because its a precious little boy, of course. Its not normal or appropriate behaviour which is why in the main, little boys DON'T do this

Nowhere has anyone said that the boy's actions are appropriate. The OP herself has said he was in the wrong and if she were the girl's parents she would be angry. But it's perfectly possible to be both disappointed in something your child has done, while at the same time disapproving of the manner in which he was dealt with. I often feel sorry for my children after they have misbehaved (fortunately not too often), because I can see that they are genuinely upset by the punishment, and often angry with themselves for being silly enough/led astray etc to do whatever it is they did. Doesn't mean if they've upset someone I have no sympathy for them, quite the opposite.

Fortunately schools don't exclude five year olds in the first fortnight of their school career for a single incident.

And whether 'pantsing' other kids is normal? Not a daily occurrence but there are certainly a few posters on this thread who have either had it done to them or know of it being done. In the ten years my children have been through primary schools I've heard and witnessed it a few times, done both by, and to, girls and boys.

OP was he supposed to be drawing a picture?

From the OP's OP ( sorry, sounds odd):

He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors.

So it sounds to me either like that's what he was left to do, or possibly having been left unattended, wasn't told what to do so just drew pics? Although you'd think he'd have to have been given the materials. I know in my ds3's kinder class, drawing materials are kept in a specific cupboard and handed out by the teacher.

Anyway, I doubt the OP will back, she's been spoken to appallingly, I probably wouldn't come back in her shoes.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat...erm, comments re thread being over the top, extreme etc perchance?

No they won't exclude based on 1 incident but if it continues they certainly will. So you nip it in the bud immediately, not excuse it by virtue of him being young, and going on about a bloody drawing

He pulled her knickers down its not appropriate and no amount of excuses by anyone make it so. If you think it is then ask a teacher what s/he thinks, and what would happen if done in school. Its not something thats ignored and nor should it be. Thankfully

We still live in an age where if a boy does this to a girl then there's haste to imply its nothing really, and that its not only boys who do it. Thats why the posters who dissent don't really mention the girl as the victim, as they don't give a shit. Its all about protecting boys and it needs to stop.

It may be that this boy won't do this again. But Im glad its being taken seriously. If the boy's parents find out and complain that'll be another story , won't it? Who's going to tell them it doesn't much matter...

Again, no one (if you can point it out then I take it back) has said that the boys actions were appropriate or didn't require admonishing, however, a lot of people have said that the vitriol thrown at the OP and her ds has been disgusting. And it has.

I think you'll find that quite a few teachers have said exactly how it would be dealt with. Explain, admonish, apologise, possibly keep in for a break time, discuss with both parents, incident over.

No one has said the little girl doesn't matter. And who is to say that her parents don't know.

It's a real shame that so many posters want to project their feelings about men onto a five year old boy who has been cajoled or convinced into doing something naughty. I really wish the OP would come back and tell us what the teacher said, but like I said before, I really can't blame her for not coming back.

I know in my ds3's kinder class, drawing materials are kept in a specific cupboard and handed out by the teacher.

The matrrials could have been out ready for the next lesson after break.

No one knows.

been cajoled or convinced into doing something naughty.

You don't know that either. You have no idea if he was convincedor cajoled at all.

Loads of assumptions going on.

I didn't say that the materials weren't out and ready, I said it was possible that he might have had to be given them. There's a difference between presenting something as fact and suggesting it as a possibility.

And going by the information that the OP provided, which at present we have no reason to disbelieve (otherwise what's the point in posting on the thread at all, if you suggest the boy is lying about that, he could be making the whole entire episode up), then her ds was told by another child to do it. No assumptions here, just basing my replies on the OP.

I feel very sad for your little one. Yes, what he did was wrong. But he's 5. Another child told him to do it and at 5 peer pressure is a big thing. Having his picture put up and missing one playtime would have been justified. Unsupervised is irresponsible. Throwing a picture in the bin is just nasty. It doesn't matter if it's 'just a playtime doodle' my nearly 4 year old loves each piece she does and would be crushed if I just threw it out because it wasn't a masterpiece!

Again, I know what he did wasn't nice, and as a mother to two girls I would have been peeved. But even still, if someone had done it to one of my girls, I'd still have seen this punishment as too much.

Now he's scared to go in. At 5, something like this has the potential to taint his whole school view.

Here here whereisnyfuckingcoat! I had to walk away from this the other night, it's just appalling.

It's like people falling over themselves to show what a perfect parent they are because they wouldn't mind if their child was treated this way. How many of them spitefully bin their kids pictures themselves

I feel for op. Labelled the worst parent ever because her 5 yo did a silly thing and made a poor choice, like a lot of 5 yos do. Cos you know, they're 5.

Thanks PurpleMinionMummy, the supercilious boy child demonisers, accusing the OP of being a bad parent and her five year old a sex pest in the making are tedious and nasty in their hurry to say what should be done, and how wrong it is.

It's stupid though, because not one poster has said that the little girls feelings are unimportant or that what the OP's son did was right or appropriate, just that if her ds was accurate in his portrayal of how it was handled, then it could have been handled better.

How many of them spitefully bin their kids pictures themselves

So you keep absolutely everything your child does? We'd need an extra room in the house!

No, but I don't whisk it away as they're drawing/just finished and bin it right in front of them. Do you?!

"I feel for op. Labelled the worst parent ever because her 5 yo did a silly thing and made a poor choice, like a lot of 5 yos do."

It's nothing to do with his action. I don't agree with punishing 5 year old excessively. He needs the guidance, like a lot of pp says.
I think op may have received more sympathetic post if she has shown concern for the girl. Yes I agree the teachers action may have been OTT if it was done the way he said, but that's not where she should be concerned about, imo. She should be concerned about effect of his action to this girl, and how to teach him to understand other's feelings. Not about his confidence being knocked down, or he doesn't want to go to school because he was humiliated.
If the OP was phrased differently, the tone of this thread could have been totally different.

But irvine, the op did say she understood that her son was wrong and that she would be angry if she were the girl's parents (inferring they were right to be angry because what happened to their daughter was wrong, ergo sympathy for the girl). Does that mean that she can't feel bad for how her son was treated. They're not mutually exclusive. And anyway, everyone's priority is their own child and anyone claiming otherwise is being disingenuous.

This thread has a very 'piling in' feel to it and it's not nice. (This isn't directed at you irvine)