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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

573 replies

sharond101 · 14/09/2017 21:52

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2017 21:10

despite most of the English speaking world, including these days an increasing number of English people, using the word to mean trousers.

Oh come on everyone knew exactly what was ment.

Here in one of the biggest cities in England we here mean underwear as does the vast majority of England. Even those that don't would know what was ment.

HTH

randomer · 18/09/2017 21:13

Pants means trousers in Manchester. What a load of garbage. 5 year old does something silly. End of. Spiteful to rip up his picture.

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:17

What makes people filthy minded is the not being arsed to check the facts, but just to plough in like a lynch mob.
OP was more upset that her son had his drawing binned than the bigger picture. People said this.

People repeatedly said to contact school.and ask their account to establish the facts.

OP was still more bothered about her son being upset than the big picture

Do you really believe a 5-year old boy could have committed such a serious assault without the school informing his mother, so that she had to find out about both the incident and the punishment from her ds?
Option 1 - It was inappropriate. They dealt with it. Matter closed.

Equally, lack of boundaries like that can be a sign of a vulnerable child and one who has been potentially harmed. They may well have dealt with it in house rather than potentially put a child in danger (not sayinh this child is or anything but it is the sort of behaviour thay would get a concern form)

Do you really think it's OK to assume the worst and plough in with your outrage without trying to clarify what on earth really happened, first??
People have told OP to clarify sensibly and reasonably without going in all guns blazing over her child's drawing and his sudden decision that the teacher is mean.

OP hasn't come back to this.

3EyedRaven · 18/09/2017 21:17

round I think that's a semi? Urban legend.
I'm pretty sure that some teens wrote a bit of graffiti.
Still not nice, of course

CorbynsBumFlannel · 18/09/2017 21:19

Op was back earlier in th thread and at no point corrected anyone who said knickers so I would assume from this he pulled down the girls knickers!

Lozen · 18/09/2017 21:20

Nikibabe's comment is a good example of mindless mob mentality. Apparently NB knows that the girls bare bottom was exposed and wants the same to happen to him. Someone else said her pants were removed.

Really just wow and they say children embellish stories. Get your pitchforks out its time for a lynching.

Pathetic.

roundaboutthetown · 18/09/2017 21:21

MaisyPops - the OP hardly wrote anything at all on the thread, but what she did write did not show a failure to understand the need to punish her ds for his inappropriate behaviour nor did it demonstrate a lack of concern for the feelings of the girl. As for "dealing with it in house," you don't sound like you know much about child safeguarding procedures.

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:21

CorbynsBumFlannel
Exactly.

But you know what, you're so filthy minded to think that pants means knickers on thai thread. Even though the OP has been asked to confirm/challenge, it's still a filthy thing to suggest. Grin

roundaboutthetown · 18/09/2017 21:24

OP stopped posting before people started going on about knickers.

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:25

As for "dealing with it in house," you don't sound like you know much about child safeguarding procedures
Really? You think.
Haha alright.

A behaviour incident occurs in school. SCHOOL decide how to deal with the behaviour incident. Dealing with the behaviour does happen in house. Ffs.

Staff log a safeguarding concern (most likely) and then a decision is made by the designated safeguarding lead about when/if to pass it to social services based on the severity of the concern/patternof reports.

To be honest, i think you're just being deliberately obtuse and argumentative. Grin

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2017 21:26

To be honest, i think you're just being deliberately obtuse and argumentative

So do I

CorbynsBumFlannel · 18/09/2017 21:27

I've just been back to the beginning of the thread to check and that's not true roundabout

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:30

piglet
I take the 'assume the best and see' approach. Definitely looking to stir some shit up.

OfficerVanHalen · 18/09/2017 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roundaboutthetown · 18/09/2017 21:32

The only way information about an incident that serious would not be passed on to the parents straight away would be if it was being passed on to the relevant authorities as a serious safeguarding concern, it would not remain "in house."

roundaboutthetown · 18/09/2017 21:34

So all we actually gave to go on is a 5 year old boy saying to his mum that he pulled a girl's "pants" down.

3EyedRaven · 18/09/2017 21:35

I completely agree officer

MaisyPops · 18/09/2017 21:40

Or they are taking advice and monitoring the situation because of a pattern of safeguarding.

Or because maybe another child involved has safeguarding concerns around them.

Or they've decided that whilst they've put a concern form for the child in as part of basic duties, there are no other concerns to warrant a referal, they are satisfied that the child has learnt his lesson and that's it done.

Or the version of events isn't quite what the OP has been told from their child.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 18/09/2017 21:42

I get the punishment as he shouldn't have done it whether someone told him to or not, but the teacher shouldn't have put his picture in the bin that's just snide! she should have told him to tidy up, put it in his book bag and that she will be having a word with mummy at the end of the day. I'm a TA and I've had to deal with a 4 year old boy swinging his willy in a 4 yro girls face

Wonders71 · 18/09/2017 21:51

Him being left on his own and his drawing thrown in the bin is this his version of events?? Did the teacher call you into class after school? All schools have safe guarding proceedurs so i very much doubt a 5 year old was left on his own!! Children can lie.

ieatchocolate · 18/09/2017 21:57

I had my knickers pulled down in the school playground nearly 30 years ago.

You really don't forget that kind of bullying. (And yes, at 5 you really do know it's wrong to forcibly remove an item of someone else's clothing! No, he probably doesn't understand the wider issues but he still would have known that it was very wrong)

I don't think the school are being unduly harsh. Even at 4 if my son is kept in at playtime he would be expected to be writing letters and numbers - not drawing (we were informed of this at a new parent evening). Maybe he had been told to do something like that and the drawing of him playing was thrown away as he had done something other than what had been asked of him.

I'm genuinely shocked that the school didn't tell you what he'd done though. I'd be horrified if my son had done anything like that, and furious with the school if he'd been involved in anything like that and I'd not been informed.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 18/09/2017 21:57

to me pants are trousers and knickers are knickers

MrLovebucket · 18/09/2017 22:11

@Sunshine - do you call male underwear knickers then Confused

To me pants are generally male undercrackers, though can be interchangeable, but knickers are exclusively female.

I'm in the UK though; I know pants are trousers in some other countries.

Mittens1969 · 18/09/2017 22:14

@SunshineLollipopsRainbows25, the OP didn't correct the posters who talked about knickers, so I think that is what's meant. In this country, pants mean pants and not trousers.

But what you say does make sense, the teacher should definitely have spoken to his mum about it. I wonder if she was embarrassed? But it's poor, as it would have been flipping obvious it would be talked about and the children would tell their parents.

gandalf456 · 18/09/2017 22:26

I don't think a five year old would realise the gravity of what this means in the same way as an adult so from this point of view yanbu. Their reaction to him would be a tough lesson learned although I would have liked this to have been in parallel to a chat about clothing and underwear and body parts being private, along with a general chat with the class. This , of course, should have been backed up by you but not your fault if the teacher didn't approach you with this immediately.

Certainly snatching and binning his picture was way ott for something I don't think he could fully understand.

I do feel a bit sad about his thread because the teacher just lashed out and hasn't taught him anything in doing so and he has just learned to be angry and hate school. I would take it up with her superiors tbh, outlining that while you take the behaviour seriously, this was handled very badly indeed